fear

Confessions from a Weary Writer

August 27, 2018 By Julia Munroe Martin 86 Comments

If my life were a reality show, this would be the part where I’d sit alone in a darkened room—just me and the camera. I’d speak in hushed, urgent tones. This is where I’d spill my guts and tell you my deepest darkest fears.

Confession 1: My writing is at a low point, and I am in a flat panic

I miss the feeling of being lost in my writing, of being in the zone—I haven’t felt like that in a while. I wake up every morning with an empty feeling inside, longing to feel lost in a story like I used to. Some mornings I feel so bad about it, I want to cry. I shuffle downstairs, make coffee, and look at my writing projects, jumping from project to project. I want to write. I do write. But not with excitement or passion. And I want that feeling back.

Confession 2: I feel like a fraud

I have one self-published novel. I’ve written five others, eight if you count the three middle grade novels I wrote in another life, nine if you count the thing I wrote when I was right out of college. “I’m a writer,” I tell people. But the truth is I don’t feel like that myself. I feel like I’m not good enough. Imposter syndrome is alive and well and lives deep within my heart and mind. I fear my ideas are trite and clichéd (I know this is true for at least some of my ideas because an agent told me so at a conference once). I’m afraid I can’t really write anything that anyone would want to read.

Confession 3: I’m afraid I’ll never be (traditionally) published

The query process is long and demoralizing—I’ve queried three novels unsuccessfully—and I’ve just about decided to put the only novel I am querying in the drawer (I’m waiting to hear from one last agent; I’ve queried over one hundred). I was represented once (the novel never sold), I’ve had a near miss with two R&R’s, and I was offered representation another time but turned it down (our visions for my novel were miles apart). The positive in this (if I must find one), is that now it’s a lot easier. I have done what experts suggest: I don’t think about it after I send a query. Still, I’m afraid I’ll never again be offered representation. Worse than that, I’m afraid I’ll never be traditionally published.

Confession 4: Writing this post was damn hard

It was hard laying it out. All my fears. Admitting that not only do I feel like I’m failing at writing but also at the querying process and at getting published. I want to be brave, but I’m not always. I’m rarely honest about how I feel with my writing accountability partners or even with my husband or kids about how worried I am all the time about how much I want this. I’m rarely honest with myself. The truth is I wrote the first version of this post a while ago, but I was afraid to publish it—I’m afraid other writers will realize I really am a fraud. Or maybe I’m afraid I’ll jinx myself.

Confession 5: I’ll never give up

It’s another writing day. Early morning. The time I’d usually be writing. My final confession is that even when I can’t write very much or very well or don’t have the passion I used to, I miss it and can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve tried. I’ve even considered quitting, most recently during this last querying cycle. I thought about giving up completely.

But the truth is I don’t want to.

Instead I turn inwardly for encouragement and solace, for ways to combat my fears and inabilities, and here’s what I’ve come up with: [Read more…]

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Fear is a Liar

June 25, 2018 By Susan Spann 37 Comments

Fear is a liar.

Fear will break your courage, steal your dreams, and tell you that neither you nor your art will ever amount to anything.

Of all the many hurdles that stand between writers (or any other person) and their dreams, fear is often the hardest to fight, and the easiest to surrender to.

For many years, I lived in fear of failure. I refused to write, despite the stories that burned inside me, because I feared that if I tried and failed I would lose the only identity—that of writer—that had defined me as long as I could remember. I went to law school instead of pursuing a career in writing, because I wanted stability I didn’t believe I could get from writing. I continued to practice law even after my first novel, Claws of the Cat, was published in 2013.

I told myself there would always be time to travel more extensively in Japan, to climb the Nihon Hyakumeizan (hundred famous mountains of Japan) and to break through the wall of fear that kept me chained to the security of a lawyer’s life.

Last September, as I faced the upcoming tenth anniversary of my father’s death, I decided to face my fears, take a sabbatical, and spend a year in Japan climbing mountains and writing at least two books (one mystery and one nonfiction book about my attempt to become the oldest American woman to climb the hyakumeizan in a single year). It was time to take a chance and pursue my dreams, despite my many fears.

And then, in November—just as my husband and I prepared to sell our house and move to Japan—I was diagnosed with a highly aggressive form of breast cancer. Fortunately, we caught it at Stage 1 (a side note: ladies, please get regular mammograms—the one I had last November literally saved my life), but instead of heading off to Japan, I found myself facing major surgery (double mastectomy) and four months of intensive, dose-dense chemotherapy.

In my former life, that diagnosis and the fight against cancer would have killed my dreams. I would have let my fears—of the cancer returning, or not having the strength to complete the mountain climbs—derail my plans. I would have retreated into a place of self-pity, excuses, and sorrow, and accepted that climbing mountains (much less writing books about it) was a job for people younger, stronger, and more capable than me.

But that cancer diagnosis taught me a very important lesson: none of us has a guaranteed tomorrow, no matter how safe and secure our lives may seem. Fear will always predict your failure—but if you never try, you can’t succeed. [Read more…]

Quiz Your Fear

March 31, 2018 By Guest

Please welcome author Laura Heffernan back to WU today! Book 3 in Laura’s America’s Next Reality Star series released just this month. Said bestselling author Kerry Lonsdale of the series:

“Smart, witty, and really freaking good, America’s Next Reality Star is a fun read that has you cheering from the first paragraph through the last page. Laura Heffernan spins an entertaining tale, expertly mixing the main character’s real life events with the reality show’s challenges. With enough drama to not only satisfy fans of reality TV shows, but readers who thrive on a good story with humor and romance, this book is a perfect read.”

Laura, who enjoys “watching total strangers get married, drag racing queens and cooking competitions; playing board games, travel, and baking” is currently working on her next series, Gamer Girl. Learn more about her on her website, on Facebook, or on Twitter where, she says, she spends far too much time tweeting about reality TV and Canadian chocolate. (Do we really believe “too much” and “chocolate” should appear in the same sentence together? I didn’t think so, either.)

Enjoy!

Quiz Your Fear

Writing can be daunting at times, whether it’s a novel, a short story, a blog post, or a poem. It’s easy to make excuses to avoid writing when you’re facing down a monster revision. Heck, I avoided looking at my latest rough draft for more than a month because I knew it would be terrible. But if you let fear control your writing, you’re dooming yourself to failure. You can’t finish a work you’re afraid to work on or afraid to start. Once you’ve identified the source of your fear, it’s often easier to determine what needs to be done to move on. So, ask yourself what you’re afraid of.

1. Do you feel unqualified to tackle the story line, themes, or characters? The best way to get started is to do some research. Read similar stories, talk to people like your characters, scour the internet for articles about your topic or themes, go to the public library and get some books. If you’re legitimately unprepared, the best solution is to prepare yourself–then dive in.

2. Are you afraid the book won’t be any good? Here’s a well-known secret in the writing community: first drafts are never good. I refer to my first drafts as a “vomit draft” or “garbage draft.” They’re barely English. It’s just me getting enough words on the page to figure out the story and fix it later.Last NaNovWriMo, I drafted the second book in the Gamer Girls series. I wrote every day. I wrote from my sister’s house, missing time with family I never see. I wrote when so exhausted from morning sickness, all I wanted to do was crawl under the covers and never get up–and it’s no coincidence that this first “draft” wound up with a seven page rant on how pregnancy sucks in the middle. It wasn’t written in the main character’s voice. At one point, I think I listed all the foods I wanted to eat but couldn’t. It was terrible. But that’s okay, because I got fifty thousand words on the page, and I’m in the process of fixing them. If I can do it, you can do it.

3. Are you afraid the book won’t be well-received? There are a couple different reasons for this. If you’re writing about a marginalized group that you’re not a member of, it’s always possible that the work will receive scrutiny and possibly some pushback from members of that group. Ask yourself truly and honestly if you are the right person to write this story. A book that takes the story of a marginalized person and centers it on someone who isn’t a member of that group, such as a book about how being disabled affects a parent, may not be well-received, especially by disabled people. It’s important to view your work with a critical eye. Talk to members of that group, and really listen. Do your research. Get feedback and sensitivity reads.On the other hand, if you’re just worried that people won’t like it, well, write it anyway. No book is universally loved, and they shouldn’t be. We’re unique people with variable tastes. There’s something out there for everyone. Focus on writing what you want to read and finding your audience, without worrying about whether these unknown people will enjoy it.

4. Are you afraid of failure? Well, if you never write the book, you can’t possibly succeed. Stalling is a choice not to write, and that’s a different type of failure. There’s no shame in writing a book that doesn’t work or that you love but never gets published or that gets published but doesn’t make bestseller lists. In all those scenarios, you wrote something! Don’t let your fear stop you from even sitting down at the keyboard.

5. Are you worried about branching out into a new genre or age group? Again, there’s only one way to succeed. Do your research, then push yourself out of the nest and fly. Plenty of authors publish in multiple genres, including Nora Roberts and J.K. Rowling (who publish mysteries as J.D. Robb and Robert Gailbraith, respectively). Obviously, no one should expect their levels of success out of the gate, but we all have to start somewhere. Make sure you’re well read in whatever genre or category you want to explore, then pull up a chair and either start that outline or drive straight in. [Read more…]

How (Not) to Overcome Fear

March 4, 2017 By Jo Eberhardt

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

— Frank Herbert, Dune

Fear is not unique to writers, but we do seem to spend a lot of time dwelling in its kingdom. Sometimes I think the only thing I spend more time doing than being afraid of some element of writing is trying not to be afraid. It’s a little bit insane.

Let’s talk about fear.

Fear is not the enemy. It doesn’t exist to stop you achieving greatness; it exists to make you consider whether your intended actions will lead to greatness or despair. Will jumping off a cliff make you a daredevil, or a particularly unappetising pancake? Fear is that little voice that stands with you at the edge of the precipice and says: “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

And yet much of our culture is based on the precept that fear is bad. The only thing worse in our society than being afraid is telling people that you’re afraid. People are literally afraid of being perceived as being afraid. This particularly applies to men, incidentally, who are conditioned by society to believe that admitting to emotions of any kind–particular fear–equates to “weakness”, but it’s true of anyone who prides themselves on their objectivity and rationality.

Is it just me, or is that a little messed up?

Fear is anxiety caused by the anticipation of an imagined future event or experience. It’s the answer to “what if”, when imagined by a pessimist. Or a novelist—after all, isn’t imagining “what if” and then “making it worse” essentially the job description of a writer?

Writers’ fear tends to manifest in one of a few ways.

Fear of Failure

[Read more…]

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Are We Having Fun Yet?

May 30, 2016 By Julia Munroe Martin

Photo by Amy on Flickr's Creative Commons — Photo by Amy on Flickr’s Creative Commons

A couple of years ago I took a weekend writing class from a reasonably well-known author. In the first hour of class he told us a little bit about his writing process, and at the end of his spiel he said how much he really hated writing (but was driven to do it by the stories he had to tell). Writing is hell, he said, I don’t enjoy it, not one bit, and, further, if you’re a real writer—if you’re doing it right—you shouldn’t enjoy it either.

At the time, I was beginning revisions on my second novel, and I was querying my first. I couldn’t wait to sit down to write everyday. I was in the zone. I was having the time of my life. I opened my mouth to disagree, but when I looked around the room, I saw that everyone else was nodding in agreement. I clamped my mouth shut, put my head down, and furiously took notes, determined to learn what I could.

Here’s the thing. What I remember most from that class is not what that writer set out to teach. My real take away was this: if you’re a real writer, writing’s not fun.

Here’s the other thing. That first novel (that I was querying at the time) is in the drawer. I’m querying novel number two—the one I couldn’t wait to write everyday—and now I’m working on a new project. But I’m stalling. I’m writing but barely. I stop short of using the words writer’s and block in close proximity, but let’s face it, that’s what I’m afraid of. Because although I’ve started several times, I’ve never gotten very far. It wasn’t that I ran out of story; it was more that I…couldn’t write any further, wasn’t sure how to proceed. And eventually I just stopped.

So…am I a Real Writer Now?

Of course Mr. Reasonably Well Known Author’s voice is loud in my head. “Now you’re a real writer,” I imagine him saying to me. “Now get your ass in the chair and write, dammit.” (Yes, he would’ve talked to me that way; he did a lot of pointed swearing and swearing while pointing.) [Read more…]

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