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Pens, Ranked

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*sense of humor required

Warning: Hacks for Hacks tips may have harmful side effects on your writing career, and should not be used by minors, adults, writers, poets, scribes, scriveners, journalists, or anybody.

Like cameras, umbrellas, and getaway cars, the best pen is the one you have with you. We writers tend to have a dozen pens with us at any given time, though—when the muse comes to you and whispers profundity into your ear, which pen do you grab to write your masterpiece? This month, the Hacks for Hacks team looked at hundreds of pens, from ball points to gels to smear-resistant models for lefties. Using our scientific rating criteria, we ranked the best pens available.

  1. Pilot Precise V7. I have one of these in my pocket at all times. Versatile and affordable, the V7 is perfect for everything from a novel to a grocery list. Don’t take it on an airplane, however, as the differences in altitude and cabin pressure will cause some leakage. As long as you’re on solid ground, though, the Pilot V7 will remain a trusty friend your whole life long.
  2. The fancy pen you got as a graduation gift. Doesn’t it look nice on your desk? Don’t you feel like an author just looking at it? These are stylish, and will never run out of ink because you can’t bring yourself to actually use it.
  3. The pen you swiped from work. Why buy a box of pens for ten bucks when you can get the same model that your boss overpaid for, for free? Didn’t get that promotion? Then by God, you can recoup your lost salary one ink pen at a time.
  4. The complimentary pen from the swanky resort you stayed at. What, this old thing? I saw you staring at it. It must’ve accidentally fell into my suitcase as I was packing up when I took a holiday there. You should definitely go, but you know, they don’t let just anybody into Cabana Bay Motor Lodge at Universal Orlando.
  5. The quill pen from your wedding guest book. So elegant. A perfect compliment to your special day. The classic style reminds you of how beautiful she looked, and the feather evokes how your heart still soared whenever you saw her. But the thing about quill pens is that the ink, like your love, runs out far too quickly.

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Finding Resilience: A Dog Story

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Here’s a story about a little dog named Pippa. Pippa is a Miniature Pinscher, a breed originally designed for rat catching. Although she is very small – 2.8 kilos or around 6 pounds – she has the temperament of a mighty hunter. Or maybe Queen of the Universe might be more appropriate. (And yes, this will eventually come around to writers and writing.) As a small puppy, Pip was given to a gentleman named Leonard as an 80th birthday gift. The giver was his friend Reg, who knew Leonard was … [Read more...]

What I’ve Learned About Presenting Online Writing Workshops

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Like most professional writers, I’ve always supplemented my writing income with speaking gigs—workshops, talks, presentations of all sorts, both for adults and for children. Although over the years I’ve presented the odd Skype or other remotely-delivered live presentation, the vast majority of my speaking gigs have been face-to-face and in person. They've often involved travel of some sort or the other—usually long distance, sometimes close to home. Since late March, when the shutdown began … [Read more...]

Publishing in a Pandemic: An Insider Interview with a Book Publicist

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The first half of this year has been a monumental test in flexibility and resilience for authors and everyone in publishing. My debut novel, The Kindest Lie, will release on February 9, and that publishing date has changed several times as the William Morrow team attempted to position my book and others in their catalog for optimal success during these uncertain times. Recently, I joined the team of A Mighty Blaze, a new organization that formed to help authors and books find their readers … [Read more...]

On the Way to Jerusalem

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As it has for most of us, COVID-19 upended not just my plans, but my schedule. In March, all three of my weekly volunteer opportunities were cancelled until further notice, which put me in my house for six more hours a week than I usually am. I can't remember what I frittered away those hours on the first few weeks of the shutdown, but by mid-April, I began cleaning. In May, having cleaned and organized pretty much everything else in my house, I started on the filing cabinet in the corner of my … [Read more...]

Gaining Wisdom and Whimsy from the Natural World

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One of my favorite parts of the novel Hild, by Nicola Griffith, is how the title character uses nature to fuel her insights (which is also to say that I love how Griffith uses the natural world in her writing). When she is only 6 she becomes the seer for her uncle Edwin, the king of Northumbria in 7th century now-England. Given that she's a child with limited understanding of adult interactions, her wisdom comes from what she observes in nature. One night, while she's touring the country with … [Read more...]

A Writer on Submission

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I’ve been watching this show called The Bold Type about three young women who work in different departments of a fashion magazine called "Scarlet". One of the women is a stylist, one works in the social media marketing department, and the other is a columnist. It isn’t the best show you’ve ever see, but it’s fun, the characters are endearing, and the show surprisingly strikes a real chord at times about women’s issues and also questions of identity. I just finished an episode in which the … [Read more...]

Simon Stålenhag and Your Tales

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'You Couldn't Put This in a Book' In newsrooms, the weirder the news gets, the more frequently you hear reporters muttering, "You could not put this in a book, nobody would believe it." And you don't have to be a reporter to find yourself saying that this year. Two weeks ago I got my first haircut in three months. Double-masked and so was the barber. Gloved, both of us. I even wore long trousers as well as long sleeves to be sure I touched no surfaces with bare skin. And for you good … [Read more...]

Writer Not Writing (Redirecting Your Creativity)

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Long before COVID-19 brought its new and grim reality, I was already struggling with what it meant to be a writer who wasn’t writing. So maybe that’s why I haven’t experienced the kind of acute anxiety many of my fellow creators are experiencing now. For the majority of the past year and a half, I have been picking away at a manuscript, but not feeling as if I’ve been making any sort of true progress. What was strange was that I didn’t feel much (if any) distress about it. I could easily go … [Read more...]

The Hack’s Guide to Writing while the Kids are at Home

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Warning: Hacks for Hacks tips may have harmful side effects on your writing career, and should not be used by minors, adults, writers, poets, scribes, scriveners, journalists, or anybody. You thought it was hard to focus during a global pandemic? You wondered how you were supposed to finish your book AND do your job (assuming you still had one!) AND supervise your kids’ education? Better gird those loins, friend, because summer vacation has arrived! While your kids’ teachers are getting some … [Read more...]

Blurbing and Being Blurbed

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A note to my friends at Writer Unboxed:  As a Type-A to-the-max sort of person, I prepared this essay weeks ago, when the world was different.  Now, an essay about how to solicit praise for one’s book seems frivolous, irrelevant, and downright offensive—and yet I do want to offer it to you.  Rather than retracting the essay, I’ve decided to offer it in the hope that you will save it for when it may be useful.   Is there any writer who actually likes asking for blurbs?  I suppose there … [Read more...]

Writing and Hiking

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Charles Dickens died this day, June 9, 150 years ago. He gave many pieces of writing advice throughout his incredible career, the most famous, and probably best, of which was: “Make them laugh, make them cry, make them wait.” It was the motto against which he judged his own work. He also recognized the toll writing can take on an author, the “wear and tear,” and saw the importance of taking a break from writing, of having distractions away from quill and ink, computer and keyboard. You must … [Read more...]

What Really Matters?

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Friday was the last day of school--at least, the last day with students--and as we neared the end of class, I looked at the exhausted faces of my 7th graders in their little Zoom boxes. One was bouncing, as he had been for the past twelve weeks of remote learning, on what I imagine was an exercise-ball-cum-desk-chair. Another was practicing his pitching skills by throwing a ball against his bedroom wall, then catching it. Then throwing it, then catching it. Another, this one a girl, was … [Read more...]

Writing in a World on Fire

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  There is a meme, started by Matt Jones (@tinyarmoredone), that goes as follows: me: *opens mouth to scream into the void* the void: sorry, man we’re full up me: what? the void: there’s no more room, we’re teeming with screams me: but – the void: We. Are. At. Full. Capacity. Sir. Try a pillow. It’s been feeling like the teeming void for a long time, and 2020 has only amplified it. The void’s at full capacity, but the screams just keep on coming. I write romances. To be … [Read more...]