Trained by reading hundreds of submissions, editors and agents often make their read/not-read decision on the first page. In a customarily formatted book manuscript with chapters starting about 1/3 of the way down the page (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type), there are 16 or 17 lines on the first page.
Here’s the question:
Would you pay good money to read the rest of the chapter? With 50 chapters in a book that costs $15, each chapter would be “worth” 30 cents.
So, before you read the excerpt, take 30 cents from your pocket or purse. When you’re done, decide what to do with those three dimes or the quarter and a nickel. It’s not much, but think of paying 30 cents for the rest of the chapter every time you sample a book’s first page. In a sense, time is money for a literary agent working her way through a raft of submissions, and she is spending that resource whenever she turns a page.
Please judge by storytelling quality, not by genre or content—some reject an opening page immediately because of genre, but that’s not a good enough reason when the point is to analyze for storytelling strength.
This novel was number one on the New York Times trade paperback fiction bestseller list for February 21, 2021. How strong is the opening page—would it, all on its own, hook an agent if it came in from an unpublished writer?
Following are what would be the first 17 manuscript lines.
They used to be called the Firefly Lane girls. That was a long time ago—more than three decades—but just now, as she lay in bed listening to a winter storm raging outside, it seemed like yesterday.
In the past week (unquestionably the worst seven days of her life), she’d lost the ability to distance herself from the memories. Too often lately in her dreams it was 1974; she was a teenager again, coming of age in the shadow of a lost war, riding her bike beside her best friend in a darkness so complete it was like being invisible. The place was relevant only as a reference point, but she remembered it in vivid detail: a meandering ribbon of asphalt bordered on either side by gullies of murky water and hillsides of shaggy grass. Before they met, that road seemed to go nowhere at all; it was just a country lane named after an insect no one had ever seen in this rugged blue and green corner of the world.
Then they saw it through each other’s eyes. When they stood together on the rise of the hill, instead of towering trees and muddy potholes and distant snowy mountains, they saw all the places they would someday go. At night, they sneaked out of their neighboring houses and met on that road. On the banks of the Pilchuck River they smoked stolen cigarettes, cried to the lyrics of “Billy, Don’t Be a Hero,” and told each other everything, stitching their lives together until by summer’s end no one knew where one girl ended and the other began. They became to everyone (snip)
You can turn the page and read more here. Was this opening page of the first chapter compelling?
My vote: No.
This book received 4.6 out of 5 stars on Amazon. While the writing is professional, this just isn’t for me, I guess. After reading this, I have no notion of there being a story ahead. For me, going into backstory fails to make me wonder what’s going to happen next . . . other than expecting more reminiscing about things long past. I hope you give a comment that helps me understand the appeal. Your thoughts?
You’re invited to a flogging—your own You see here the insights fresh eyes bring to the performance of bestseller first pages, so why not do the same with the opening of your WIP? Submit your prologue/first chapter to my blog, Flogging the Quill, and I’ll give you my thoughts and even a little line editing if I see a need. And the readers of FtQ are good at offering constructive notes, too. Hope to see you there.
To submit, email your first chapter or prologue (or both) as an attachment to me, and let me know if it’s okay to use your first page and to post the complete chapter.
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About Ray Rhamey
Ray Rhamey is the author of four novels and one writing craft book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling. He's also an editor of book-length fiction and designs book covers and interiors for Indie authors and small presses. His website, crrreative.com, offers an a la carte menu of creative services for writers and publishers. Learn more about Ray's books at rayrhamey.com.
Good choice this week and I agree it’s a close “Yes” only from me. You said ignore genre, and I would normally want nothing to do with the Alleged Real World. But I had to admit, I’m “there”, the author paints the picture of the day and the kind of activities I remember so I’m willing to ride a bike with the MC for a while longer.
It DOES time-hop a bit, from present day misery to then on a specific night, and then to “back then” in a more generic sense. But I figured that was minor and I’d hang in for a while longer. Again, not my thing, but it is well written.
The setup intrigued me, but I found the writing stilted.
I was turned off by the first paragraph — she’s laying in bed on a dark and stormy night? Too trite and cliche for me. I wanted some hint of a story question. I have no idea what the stakes are. That being said, I do love the 1970s, so it was a close no, but still a no.
I didn’t find the writing stilted, but the entire set up of the memory didn’t grab me at all and I lost patience after the second paragraph. It’s a hard no for me.
I started skipping the description about a third of the way through and decided no when I couldn’t find anything else to read that hooked me. It wasn’t so much genre, but this type of set up usually is indicative of stories I lose interest in and don’t want to spend money on because I know I won’t finish it (or it’ll sit on my bookshelf until I return it to the library.) So, it’s a nope for me!
I voted yes, barely, though only through the eyes of an editor or agent for a trade publication. It doesn’t hold my interest personally.
Yet the opening does hit several points – a clear time and place and familiar nostalgia shared with any number of blockbusters of the past half-century. So, yes, it might be worth seeing an additional 45 pages. I wonder, in fact, if this is the kind of submission for which a pro might request more and yet pass when decisions are made, opting instead for another similar submission. Unless, that is, something special emerges from this one, something not apparent this early on.
Having said that, points subtracted for the dark and stormy night, as mentioned above. Doesn’t exactly bold well that this one will turn out to be the unique gem in the pile. But not everyone may be looking for that; familiarity might be all the rage during a pandemic.
I love the 70’s, but this flashback right up front felt ponderous. I had a sense of trying to walk through a door and getting shoved backwards before I got my foot in. Some above used the word ‘stilted’. So, no.
I hovered over the “no” but then felt it was a knee-jerk reaction to my general dismissal of the genre. But then I did heed the call to look at the writing itself (the first paragraph notwithstanding): deft establishment of place and time and evocative nostalgic tone. And several questions are raised here: why is it the worst week of her life and why did it catapult her to memories of her past. What happened to the friend over the ensuing years and how is she connected to what is happening in the present? So, uncharacteristically, I voted yes.
It’s a friendship story. The first task is to set the friendship in place, so we know what is good and solid and grounded. It’s the “ordinary world” to which we’ll want to return.
Here, the writing makes that friendship summer warm, a haven of memory on a cold winter night. Worked for me.
Don, who am I to dispute you, but here goes: the warmth of that earlier friendship isn’t immediately clear. There’s too much clutter (especially the infodump about the long road) before we get to warm. The second and third paragraphs could easily be reversed (with minor tweaks) to show us the friendship. Then the beginnng of para three is not too soon to introduce the “worst seven days,” which has already been hinted at by that oh-so-convenient storm.
I do find the opening page a bit over-written, a tad self-conscious in its style, but Kristin Hannah’s pretty reliable. She’s earned my trust as a storyteller.
Ray’s challenge, though, is to say whether this would get past the first screening of my query inbox and get me to request more. I think so. The writing is assured. The author’s in control of the story. It’s not perfect but what manuscript is, at this stage?
I’d read on.
To be fair, this book was originally published in 2009, and I feel reader expectations have changed since then (in terms of pacing and openings). I think it does set up enough of a question that I’d turn the page: What happened to make this week her worst-ever seven days? What happened between her and her BFF? It signals a book that will be rife with realistic relationship issues and grief/redemption, which are stories I enjoy. But I agree, launching straight into a memory wouldn’t be my first choice.
Worked for me. This appears to be a prologue and we need to judge those a little differently than Ch 1, expecting a little more set-up and backstory than in a book that dives right in.
The book says this is Chapter One.
No surprise. Many writers sneak a prologue-like section into that first chapter, not setting it out as a prologue, because so many readers claim not to like them, or even to skip them.
Yes from me. I like a good friendship story and I like a certain kind of nostalgia. Perhaps because I’ve had a friendship or two that ended, and it hurts in a very particular way that is not entirely unpleasant.
The opening is setting up a story of a time lost, probably a relationship lost (the implied story question is then “what happened to this friendship?”) and an atmosphere. I would definitely read the first chapter before deciding whether to continue or not. And I would probably keep going even if the story question was still not completely clear.
As to your question of “where’s the appeal”, it’s obviously the tie-in to the NetFlix series which is now airing. Ditto why Bridgerton and its sequels are also holding place on the bestseller lists. People watch the film and then want to go back and read the book. They come to it already sold.
Thanks, Maggie, I didn’t know about the series.
I had no issue with the “amount” of story, but I would have liked some idea of why this memory had such an impact. I had to look it up to see if it’s a memoir. It isn’t, though if it were I may have had more patience.
Honestly, so many times when people say no to these books, I see it as a rejection of the genre rather than the specific example of the oeuvre. I haven’t read this novel but from this opening I see a lyrical, competent voice. A story that will spend time on deep relationships, hidden secrets, be possibly told through multiple narrators. There will probably be a past and present timeline which will converge on the alluded-to crisis, and subsequent decisions will have deep impact upon the ensemble cast. If you enjoy this kind of book, it’s all there for you on the first page. FWIW.
This story was not only a bestseller but a successful Netflix movie. It seems the revered writing rules may be going into the same dumpster, so many rules we took as gospel in this time of questioning the arbitrary in the light of reality.
So it doesn’t fit the subjective opinions of those who make the rules of what entails great writing? Reality doesn’t care. Neither do the scads of readers and viewers who loved it.
Oooh, and it makes me wonder… to quote one of my all-time favorite bands (who incidentally all the important critics hated and who have outlasted all those critics).
It’s been the worst week of her life and she keeps going back which I always find interesting. But it was 1974 that hooked me. The seventies, that war, are one of my forever subjects and I am interested in how it affects her life.
Ray:
I went to your website and read your First Page Checklist. I can see how this excerpt registers only weakly on your Flogometer. You are a stern taskmasker, my friend!
This is one of my favorite genres so it’s a huge yes from me.
Would it “all on its own, hook an agent if it came in from an unpublished writer?”
Maybe. Agent’s loss if not. (It’s a very compelling story, apparently so compelling, Netflix turned it into a series).
Be careful that the “rules” don’t blind you to wonderful stories/art that dare to break them.
This author is clearly very talented and it doesn’t really matter which book came first. Both would have ended up published to much acclaim.
Thanks for your comment, Sue. I don’t believe that there are rules for writing. My approach includes a list of things that I want to see on a first page. And I have seen first pages that ignored every one of my guidelines that I thought were compelling. As for this page, well, it’s all subjective, isn’t it? Some see story, some don’t.
I was more curious than interested. It was not what I would call compelling, but I would read a little more before deciding if I wanted to read on or toss the book.
The writing is good, and that’s something I always look for. Yet I found it uncompelling. Even boring, especially the second paragraph.
I’m not one to turn away from an opening that deviates from the accepted norms for openings. But this one was just “meh” for me. I vote No.