I must confess: I stopped reading.
As a person whose vocation is writing books for people to read, I’m ashamed of this fact. I hid the truth from everyone, myself included, for nearly six months. I was busy, I said. Every time I picked up a book, I thought of something I needed to do: a writing deadline to meet, an Instagram post to craft, a friend’s book release to tweet, a presentation to prepare, an author event to attend, emails to reply, novels to blurb, a dog to walk, a husband to feed, a house to clean, a mother/father/brother/ friend to call, trash to take out, weeds to pull, a birthday card to write, a doctor’s appointment to make, leaves to sweep, an interview to give, a bag to pack, a trip to take, and it all required doing right that minute with no time to spare.
The calendar was my track and my train wheels kept moving faster and faster. I dared not complain because everybody’s wheels are moving fast—most even faster than my own. I bet you’re thinking to yourself this very second: if she only knew how fast I’m spinning. I give you full validation. No doubt, you’re spinning faster than I could ever imagine or hope to keep up.
Please hear my heart, none of the aforementioned To Do’s are negative. They’re all very important to my life. I wanted to do them. I gleaned great happiness in completing them—checking their boxes off my list. I may not have been reading as extensively as in the past (or at all), but I was being productive! I was taking care of business and keeping my train running smoothly.
It wouldn’t have dawned on me that I’d abandoned my love of reading if I hadn’t been sitting at a board meeting of a nonprofit I proudly support. Up for discussion was a vital piece of information in the fine print of one of our charitable pamphlets. To which, an esteemed fellow board member bemoaned, “Well, how is anybody supposed to see that? Nobody reads anymore.”
The remark stopped everyone but not for the reason you may think. We didn’t stop because what she’d said was false. We stopped to consider the truth of it, scrutinizing the text and sighing in agreement that perhaps a graphic was the better way to impart the detail.
It was a moment of stinging revelation for me: we are in an epidemic of immediacy. A culture of do-do-do, now-now-now, go-go-go. Everything is vying for our instant attention and demanding an instant answer. How in the world are the simple pleasures supposed to hold a candle? How is a slow-burning candle supposed to hold a candle? It can’t, not when a flick of a light switch will do the job in a fraction of a time with a thousand percent more power. And similarly, my personal reading pleasure has been afflicted and replaced by social media posts, book reviews, literary podcasts, and blogs. Like my To Do list, none of these are negative. Quite the opposite, they are hugely positive! It is a true joy meeting literary friends through these avenues. But I have to remind myself that they are meant to augment our reading, not replace it.
I’ll confess one further. This very minute, I came down from my writing office with a beautiful, unread novel in my hands. It’s October. An exquisite season for outdoor reading. But I got two steps out the door with my porch swing in clear view when I remembered I’d promised my Writer Unboxed family an essay. I turned around and went back upstairs. It dawned on me to write about this—the struggle of now. In doing so, I hope to satisfy the gods of immediacy so I can take my novel back out onto the porch before the sun sets and remember why I push myself so hard down the tracks.
Love of literature: the raw honesty of a reader meeting a story and being forever changed by that quiet, prolonged communication. It feeds our souls and we need it far more than we need the doing… because tomorrow there will always be more to do. The tracks loop like a toy train. As long as we keep clicking the buttons, our train will keep going. No end in sight.
So I’ll keep this post short for both our sakes and return my fingers to an old, familiar task of turning pages. I highly encourage you to do the same.
**** UPDATE ****
Thanks to you, my writing community, and this confessional post, I have delighted in the reading pleasures of the following:
- Summer of ’69 by Elin Hilderbrand
- Becoming by Michelle Obama
- The Dutch House by Ann Patchett
- Ninety-Nine Glimpses of Princess Margaret by Craig Brown
- I Miss You When I Blink by Mary Laura Philpott (Re-reading selected chapters because I think that we need to bring back re-reading, too. Once is never enough!)
What are you reading or what book will you post here as a commitment to reading it?
Wish you could buy this author a cup of joe?
Now, thanks to tinyCoffee and PayPal, you can!
About Sarah McCoy
SARAH McCOY is the New York Times, USA Today, and international bestselling author of The Mapmaker’s Children; The Baker’s Daughter, a 2012 Goodreads Choice Award Best Historical Fiction nominee; the novella “The Branch of Hazel” in Grand Central; and The Time It Snowed in Puerto Rico. Her work has been featured in Real Simple, The Millions, Your Health Monthly, Huffington Post and other publications. She has taught English writing at Old Dominion University and at the University of Texas at El Paso. She calls Virginia home but presently lives with her husband, an orthopedic sports doctor, and their dog, Gilly, in Chicago, Illinois. Connect with Sarah on Twitter at @SarahMMcCoy, on her Facebook Fan Page, Goodreads, or via her website, www.sarahmccoy.com.
I’m in the same place for a different reason. I am just starting in social media for my book to be out in April. It is all new for me and I’m not finding what and how to make it work.
Any Suggestions so I can get back to reading?
Dear Irene,
I wish I had more successful expertise to share. This post is living proof that I’m still struggling and learning the ropes from friends who seem to have the balance worked out. Even this very day, I set a goal to read 1 chapter of the novel I have in hand… but it’s 6pm and I’m sitting down here to reply to my gracious Writer Unboxed community. Again, it’s something I **want** very much to do and feel humbly grateful to do it!
And yet… and yet… it means I probably won’t be reading before my husband gets home when dinner must be made, the dog must be walked, tomorrow prepared for…
Congrats on your book coming out in April, Irene! Book births are such magical times. Enjoy every minute!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
I’m in the exact same place so thank you for the extra boost. When I found myself jealous of my teenager’s reading time (despite her full schedule of sports and homework and other activities), I decided even I deserved some time each day to do what I loved, not what I had to. Since nothing happens without a calendar, I ‘scheduled’ 30 minutes at end of each day FWIWTD (for whatever I want to do). So far, the most difficult part of getting back into reading is choosing what to read. If I get to my half hour and don’t know what to read, I lose the full time just contemplating options. So I created a prioritized stack of TBR books, and as I finish one, I just take the next one off the top.
Dear Jeanne,
Yes! That’s exactly what happens to me when I try to pick a new show to “binge watch” on one of the streaming services (Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, etc.). I end up spending the little time I have allocated trying to decide and then end up going to bed without reading/watching anything.
Your system of prioritizing is smart. I need to construct a pile and pull from it without thinking. On it. 👍 Thank you!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
I hear this. It took me 9 months to read one novel this year. I have managed essays and poetry, but very little else. And I have been pulling back from social media lately in a bid to make next year different. I turn 40 on January 2, 2020, and I want to make my 40th year one that is more intentional, so I don’t get to 2021 and wondered where the neck the year went. One of the things I hope to do is read one book a month, which probably seems like nothing to a lot of people, but will be a huge improvement over this year! It will be a mix of novels and nonfiction.
Dear Erin,
I love this comment from you. The raw honesty is so refreshing. I feel the exact same way. I turn 40 in 2020, too. (Happy birthday to babies of the 80’s!) I think I’m going to join you in your 40th decade commitment. 🙌 Thank you for the inspiration!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
I stopped reading novels for way longer than any of you (so far) I do believe — and yes, I am extremely busy and all of that, but there’s more to it and I just haven’t figured out the “more to it” quite fully, yet.
I’ve been an avid voracious reader since I was a little bitty girl so it came as a big surprise to me when I stopped reading novels. Oh, I read some things, which knocks the “too busy” thing out of the equation somewhat, not fully, but somewhat. I read magazine articles and a few instruction manuals here and there when necessary. All temporary. All quick. All without having to commit myself—I am a commitment-phobe in my relationship(s) so why not other areas of my life, like reading a novel.
Lawd!
I sometimes just want someone to hand me a book of fiction and say “this is a good book about blah blah and I think you’ll like it” – that’s the last novel I read, when my best friend sent me one by mail—and I enjoyed it! I have a huge library of books, books in boxes, books on kindle.
Oh I both miss it and fear it! What am I afraid of? That I’m lagging behind in my writing and publishing? Maybe. Dunno.
Dear Kathryn,
We are kindred spirits of doubting hearts. I doubt myself all the time. It’s the blue devils way of keeping us from achieving our purposed greatness. Let’s fight it off together, shall we? I’ll start by tell you, “Read I MISS YOU WHEN I BLINK by Mary Laura Philpott.” I promise, you will laugh, cry, see all the shadowy parts of yourself given light and love. It will refresh your spirit. It’s broken down into chapters so you can start and stop as often as you please without losing any contemplation. 🤝 We are going to get back to our love of reading together, friend.
Yours truly,
Sarah McCoy
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
I barely read fiction during my medical training and the first few years of my practice. At first there was no time. Then, incredible though it seems to me now, I simply fell out of the habit. I forgot to visit the library or browse bookstores or read fiction before bed, all of which had been essential scaffolding in my life.
But when I got back to it, it felt like coming home to the best parts of myself, like the rediscovery of a rambling walk outdoors after months of being sedentary. I haven’t stopped since, except during spells where I’m feeling overwhelmed by the need to do and improve.
I’ve noticed that paradoxical pattern; like exercise, the times I’m most frazzled and obsessed with goal accomplishment are exactly the times I could use a fictive break.
Bigtime cosign on this phenomenon, Jan! No med school, obviously, but in the years while we were building our biz (all of my 30s), I simply stopped. At first too busy, then just… stopped. And reading, especially in bed and on weekend mornings, had been a huge part of how I defined who I’d been.
“…it felt like coming home to the best parts of myself, like the rediscovery of a rambling walk outdoors after months of being sedentary.” YES! I hate to say it, but it took a series of crises to push me back to it, starting with 9/11, followed by loss of loved-ones.
I’ll never forget the first few weeks after we left our business on the last day, and came up to Michigan and just plain ole hunkered. It was late November. I had a stack of books I’d been intending to read, and just sat and did it. Starting in the morning and stopping only for meals, to feed the fire, and refill my coffee cup/wine glass. It was glorious, and definitely felt like waking from a long period of busy-body-somnambulism.
The moral may be: Don’t wait for crises to force the issue. Just start reading again!
Dear Vaughn,
“Hunkering” in November sounds like heaven on earth. I need to do that. I’m thinking I may use the holidays as the perfect excuse… Also, I LOVE your terminology: “busy-body-somnambulism.” That’s going in my journal of fun words. Thank you for sharing and encouraging me (and everyone in our WU community)!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
Dear Jan,
You are SO right about reading being like exercise. I will be a happier woman if I prioritize a routine in both disciplines. 💫🏃♀️📚 Thank you for inspiring!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
Oof, I feel this post. I think we not only live in “a culture of do-do-do, now-now-now, go-go-go,” we live in a culture that has set us up for imbalance in terms of what we need to sustain our own happiness. I think about Covey’s quadrants a lot, and how warped we’ve become. His Time Management Matrix includes “urgent-important,” “not urgent-important,” “urgent-not important,” and “not urgent-not important” quadrants. Pleasure reading falls into the last quadrant for most people, and that quadrant is often occupied nowadays with things like cell phone games, texting the latest joke to friends, etc. Because those are things we can squeeze in around the overstuffed lists occupying our other quadrants. Sometimes I have to stop and check myself: Is X really an Urgent-Important task, or does it just seem like it is? Must I drop everything to do it right now? Are those activities in my Urgent-Not Important quadrant things I need and want in my life? (I’m not great at dropping those items, I must admit.) And the Important-Not Urgent stuff is really at risk for long-term neglect.
This was a long comment. I should have used fewer words. ;-)
Beloved T-sister,
Every one of your words is a gift of spirit refreshment. The finest cuppa. Also, I could so use a refresher course on the Time Management Matrix as it applies to authors… boy, that would be a great panel for an Unconference, eh? 🙌
Thank you for encouraging me to write about the ‘Simples’. It feels right and soul reviving.
Big hugs and love to you,
Sarah
I’m still reading quite a lot but perhaps not as much as I once did. Online news reading takes up time as does podcast listening. It’s easy to understand why some of us are having trouble sinking into the fictional world as deeply and regularly as before. But I find that reading offers me much needed pockets of stillness.
Right now I’m reading a British mystery by Deborah Crombie called “A Bitter Feast” and also Charlotte Bronte’s “Shirley.” And I am listening to Irving Stone’s “The Agony and the Ecstasy,” a biographical novel of Michelangelo. I felt daunted when I saw that this audiobook has 27 parts–but so far it’s excellent.
Dear S.K.,
Your reading sounds delicious. I actually heard that THE AGONY AND THE ECSTASY was a marvelous bio. I love biographies, documentaries, etc. I hope you’re enjoying!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
Reading is my drug. I am always reading–as a teacher I used the weekends to read beyond my grading papers; as an RN I did enjoy reading and eventually writing for medical publications. And now I’m back to reading novel after novel. Currently: THE STORY TELLERS SECRET (I’m in 2 book clubs) and BLOWOUT–not a novel, but these are the times to stay informed. But give me a novel and the corner of my couch and I’m happy.
Dear Beth,
Aww, reading is my serotonin of choice, too! That’s why it has broken my heart not being able to partake the past many months before I sat down and wrote this post. After reading the books I named in this column, I am now craving more, more, more. I have books piled on the edge of my desk, the edge of my couch, the edge of my bedside, on my eReader, and on audiobook. I’m thinking the coming holidays might be the perfect opportunity to shut down the rest of the world and bring it back to the simple. I have a feeling you will be with me in spirit, so I thank you for that.
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
I, too, had a large stretch of time where I didn’t read. It did seem like I didn’t have time, but the reading-drought also occurred because I found it really hard to find anything that interested me. I’d get books and try to read them, get bored and then give up. I can’t really say what changed–or even when it changed–but I’m reading a lot now, and I’m enjoying what I’m reading. I do think I was spending a lot more time on social media than I am now, which absorbed a lot of my free time, and I watched more television. Now I’m not really as social media involved, don’t have cable and prefer to spend time with a book. :)
Dear Lara,
You are my hero. It takes a brave, brilliant person to step away from social media, cancel the cable, and give all attention to the glorious book gods. You give me hope that it IS DOABLE. Thank you!!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
I’m in Beth’s camp. Reading is my drug. It’s also my solace in these crazy times. The go-go-go, do-do-do, then skid-to-a stop-to-register-outrage times. I just took a break from revising an essay I wrote on defiance a year or so ago. In that time my whole take on defiance has shifted from defying the insanity of our world to defying the stuck notions of myself as powerless to do anything about it. Some months ago now, I reduced my news intake and have been relying on fiction to understand the human condition. I feel remarkably better.
Dear Susan,
Your essay on defiance sounds wonderful and so apropos in these times. I am raising my banner beside you in defiance of powerlessness, defiance of spinning without forward gains, defiance of feeling overwhelmed, defiance of all things that would seek to steal my joy in the simple pleasures. Huzzah! Thank you for the comment and for encouraging.
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
Reading and writing are my activities of choice so I don’t give those up and if anybody complains I call reading “research” :) Right now I’m reading A Robot Named Clunk by Simon Haynes (this is not my typical fare but he’s very funny so I’m enjoying it) and Jordan Petersen’s 12 Rules. Always the Bible. And our own Jim Bell’s Some People are Dead. When I had a subscription to the Economist, I always read the obituaries first. There’s just something about reading a life. Hang in there, Sarah.
I’m allergic to the hurried lifestyle. I’ve always enjoyed minimizing my commitments so as to dive deeply into things that interest me. I know it’s selfish, but saying NO to the many things allows me to say YES to the things that are meant for me. I am able to offer myself in a more meaningful way to my family, friends, and community.
Dear Vijaya,
You are brilliant. I am so stealing that “reading is my research” bit. It is truth after all! Thanks for the encouragement.
I’m allergic to the hurried lifestyle, too. As a woman with Celiac Disease, I should take that to heart with all sincerity. If we continue to poison ourselves with ‘hurriedness’, life will be unnecessarily painful and could just be the early death of us, right! Thank you for helping me see the importance of saying No. In the end, the No’s will allow the doors of peace and opportunity to open wider.
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
I was the kid who read cereal boxes when she had nothing else. My sister complained that I read books at the dinner table — she didn’t want to talk to me, she just thought it was unfair that I was entertained. (She’s now my best friend and we laugh about this.)
I used to say I was like an elite marathoner when I read — I could read a lot really quickly. That was because I read all. the. time. I don’t read as much as I did in those days, partly because I’m not taking public transportation to work and partly because I spend time writing (and on social media and on email and…).
I’ve recently gained some valuable insight into how my mind works, and one of the things I learned is that reading is absolutely necessary to me. It’s part of my writing process, in an odd way, so time spent reading isn’t time stolen from writing. Knowing this has led me to make reader a higher priority than it had been when I thought time spent reading was a waste. I’m so much happier…
Dear Katy,
I read cereal boxes too growing up! 🤓 There’s something wonderfully comforting about slurping a bowl of cereal and reading about the mascot’s adventures. Advertisement or not, it’s reading. I’m going back to my roots– finding the simple pleasures. Reading (novels to cereal boxes) being one. Thank you for reminding me of that childhood memory. It made me smile.
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
Reading is still one of my deepest pleasures, but I am reading somewhat less fiction, though I always have a novel going. One of the consequences of too much clicking and swiping for me is, seemingly (no hard research here) the inability to lose myself for hours in a book now.
I used to read in banquets, slow-food tastings of books, and now it seems I snack, which isn’t the best way to read, because continuity changes. Right now I am reading Autumn, by Ali Smith, a delightful book of inventive prose stylings that have that magic that some writers have, of saying so much with so little. The work has a light-heartedness, but ventures into the complex nature of friendship, connection and loss.
Dear Tom,
I love your analogy of feasting versus snacking. It’s so apropos for our current culture. So much snacking and no real nutritional content. We’re starving for sustenance. I’m craving rich book meals, and I refuse to get ‘hangry’ on the Internet handouts.
Thank you, Tom!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
I am in that place too! I have been reading less and less novels during the last few … years, I guess? I used to be the typical in-bed-reader, would not switch off the light before I had not at least read a couple of pages. But then I had eye problems for more than half a year (scratched cornea, long story, really stupid) and reading in bed was not an option, as my right eye got tired really easily. Somehow this habit never came back. I read in the evening now, true, but in the living room, and more newspaper articles than novels. I still love books, and my pile is growing constantly. – Now I joined a friend’s book club, “forcing” me to read a novel I did not choose until beginning of December. Curious how this will go. Last year I was set on finishing a novel in time for a literary festival (the author was being interviewed there), and I managed. Which leads me to the conclusion that in my case it is all about setting priorities (big surprise…). Sigh.
Dear J,
Yes! That seems to be the consensus here: prioritizing our reading hours– protecting it and being vigilant guardians of that simple pleasure. Also, I must say that book clubs are an excellent way to establish community in a world that can be somewhat isolating (reader + book in silence); thus leading some to the loud pops-n-whistles of social media.
I, for one, am a tremendous introvert. I think that’s been part of my problem. I have not given credit to my introvert needs. I’ve been extrovert-ing all over the Word Kingdom and it’s left me tired and emptied. I need more me + a book and a cozy nook of solitude. That’s my kind of heaven.
On that note, I’m off to pick up a book now! I hope somewhere across the miles, you are doing the same.
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
I just finished reading On Earth We are Briefly Gorgeous. It was spellbinding and when I turned the last page, I started again from the beginning. I read a mix of classics that I never got to; some best sellers with reviews that compelled me; books recommended by friends. Most are literary fiction with the occasional psychological thriller like The Witch Elm or A Ladder to the Sky (a remake of The Talented Mr. Ripley). I post My Books Read on Goodreads if anyone is interested in my reviews.
https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/48262256-luna-saint-claire?order=d&shelf=read&sort=date_read