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Flog a Pro: Would You Pay to Turn the First Page of This Bestseller?

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Trained by reading hundreds of submissions, editors and agents often make their read/not-read decision on the first page. In a customarily formatted book manuscript with chapters starting about 1/3 of the way down the page (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type), there are 16 or 17 lines on the first page.

Here’s the question:

Would you pay good money to read the rest of the chapter? With 50 chapters in a book that costs $15, each chapter would be “worth” 30 cents.

So, before you read the excerpt, take 30 cents from your pocket or purse. When you’re done, decide what to do with those three dimes or the quarter and a nickel. It’s not much, but think of paying 30 cents for the rest of the chapter every time you sample a book’s first page. In a sense, time is money for a literary agent working her way through a raft of submissions, and she is spending that resource whenever she turns a page.

Please judge by storytelling quality, not by genre or content—some reject an opening page immediately because of genre, but that’s not a good enough reason when the point is to analyze for storytelling strength.

This novel was number one on the New York Times young adult fiction bestseller list for July 20, 2019. How strong is the opening—would this narrative, all on its own, hook an agent if it came in from an unpublished writer? Following are what would be the first 17 manuscript lines of the first chapter.

I shouldn’t have come to this party.

I’m not even sure I belong at this party. That’s not on some bougie shit, either. There are just some places where it’s not enough to be me. Either version of me. Big D’s spring break party is one of those places.

I squeeze through sweaty bodies and follow Kenya, her curls bouncing past her shoulders. A haze lingers over the room, smelling like weed, and music rattles the floor. Some rapper calls out for everybody to Nae-Nae, followed by a bunch of “Heys” as people launch into their own versions. Kenya holds up her cup and dances her way through the crowd. Between the headache from the loud-ass music and the nausea from the weed odor, I’ll be amazed if I cross the room without spilling my drink.

We break out the crowd. Big D’s house is packed wall-to-wall. I’ve always heard that everybody and their momma comes to his spring break parties—well, everybody except me—but damn, I didn’t know it would be this many people. Girls wear their hair colored, curled, laid, and slayed. Got me feeling basic as hell with my ponytail. Guys in their freshest kicks and sagging pants grind so close to girls they just about need condoms. My nana likes to say that spring brings love. Spring in Garden Heights doesn’t always bring love, but it promises babies in the winter. I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of them are conceived the night of Big D’s party. He (snip)

You can turn the page and read more here [2].

This is The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas. Was this opening page compelling?

My vote: Yes.

This book received a strong 4.8 out of 5 stars on Amazon. Voice rules in this opening page. There’s not much for story questions other than why shouldn’t she have gone to that party. But this narrative plunged me into a world I am so-o-o-o far away from knowing that it was instantly fascinating—I wonder what my reaction would be if I were a young Black reader—or a young white reader, for that matter.

We’re immersed immediately into this character and that world, and I found myself wanting to ride along. The story that evolves is about the protagonist witnessing a white cop kill her friend and the consequences that follow, but you’d never know that by the first page. Is it necessary to start there? I suspect that if I were an editor on this work I’d look for a way to get that shooting on the first page. Because of the language, all this setup feels forgivable, but what if the language were the same, just as inviting, and that killing happened here? I think it would make for a more compelling start. Or even if it opened with the sound of gunfire at this party, which soon happens. But, happy as I am with this narrative voice and world, that doesn’t seem too important.

Your thoughts?

You’re invited to a flogging—your own You see here the insights fresh eyes bring to the performance of bestseller first pages, so why not do the same with the opening of your WIP? Submit your prologue/first chapter to my blog, Flogging the Quill [4], and I’ll give you my thoughts and even a little line editing if I see a need. And the readers of FtQ are good at offering constructive notes, too. Hope to see you there.

To submit, email [5] your first chapter or prologue (or both) as an attachment to me, and let me know if it’s okay to use your first page and to post the complete chapter.

About Ray Rhamey [6]

Ray Rhamey [7] is the author of four novels and one writing craft book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling. He's also an editor of book-length fiction and designs book covers and interiors for Indie authors and small presses. His website, crrreative.com [7], offers an a la carte menu of creative services for writers and publishers. Learn more about Ray's books at rayrhamey.com [8].