This post is not about what content to include in a query letter, it is about how it should ‘sound’–the professional tone the letter should take. It discusses how to address an overburdened agent, editor, or publisher in a manner that makes them consider you a potential business partner, not a supplicant, a novice, an egomaniac, or desperate. That increases the chances that your query letter will actually get read, perhaps even all the way through.
In my day job, I work with a researcher who gets dozens of unsolicited email requests daily—for a job, for a position, for help, for collaboration, for reviews, for submissions, for purchasing equipment, for endorsements, for public appearances. While these inquiries are not quite the same as author queries, after wading through mountains of these unsolicited requests on a daily basis, I’ve developed a short checklist about what to do and what not to do in basic letter-writing terms to keep your message from getting immediately rejected. If some of the suggestions I am about to offer seem commonsense, or even ludicrously obvious, all I will say is that I have abstracted all of the examples of what not to do from actual received inquiries.
Put Yourself in Their Shoes:
The goal of the query letter is not to tell the addressee what you want or need; the goal of the query letter is to convince the addressee why they might want to work with you. Don’t write about how badly you want to be a writer/make a living as a writer/become a bestseller/change the direction of literature. Lots of us want that (LOTS!). Stating it in a query letter simply puts extra social pressure on the reader, which does not increase the desire to continue reading.
First Sentences/Paragraphs.
The decision of whether or not to read a letter all the way through happens within seconds. The opening should sing, better than the fat lady ever did, and in your voice. The first sentences determine whether any more of the letter gets read. The first paragraph establishes whether you have done your research, are professional, would be someone interesting (and sane), someone who might be a good collaborator, and whether you can pitch your work, not your dreams.
- Don’t start with a statement that you are seeking representation or publication. That is obvious. Put that statement (if you must) towards the end of the letter, as a confirmation of your intentions. I know, business letter writing 101 taught us that the opening should start with the goal of the correspondence. Times have changed, particularly for high-volume submission industries.
- Don’t waste the first sentence on dry facts—manuscript length, your MFA, your local writer’s club membership, NaNoWriMo stats. If you must include them, put them later in the letter, and make it painfully brief.
- Don’t treat the first sentence as a personal ‘introduction’ to you, the writer (unless you have already published well, often, and profitably). Think of it as a personal introduction to YOUR WORK. The personal relationship you hope to develop with the addressee would be a product of working together, professionally, on that specific project. Examples:
- Unhelpful Introductions: “I’m an x-year-old otherwise-employed person who has always dreamed of being a writer.”
- Helpful Introductions: “I’ve written a work on topic x, which I’ve been obsessed with for decades because it affects millions of people, and no one else has ever written the truth . . .”
- Do start with the reason you are sending your work to this particular agent or publisher at this particular time. And make it a good, strong, well-researched reason. Show that you have done more than moved on to the next alphabetical listing in the agent directory with the same recycled letter, but that you know what the person represents, wants to represent, how that person wants to be approached, and that you have the product to back that knowledge up.
- Do establish that your work is appropriate for and marketable in this moment in publishing time, that you are the only person capable of writing it as it should be written (and why), and that the manuscript is at a stage worthy of seeing the light of day.
Establish that you are a Professional
Prove that you are not doing this on a whim, but have been working to learn the craft, the profession, the business, and the community. That means giving (brief) evidence that you treat writing as a serious and difficult endeavor, not as an easy road to fame and fortune. Examples:
- Won’t be taken seriously: “Hi, I recently decided that I would like to be a writer, so I wrote a book, and then I discovered that you have made the most money selling books of any agent in the entire universe in history, and I am sending it to you because I would like to make a pile of money.” (And yes, this may seem like caricature, but it is based on far too many real emails I’ve had to read.)
- More likely to be taken seriously: “I’ve been writing for years, regularly participate in a number of local writer communities, participate in a critique group and weekly book discussion groups, and have had several short pieces accepted for publication in local journals, etc.”
Basic Email Etiquette
- Confirm the gender of your addressee and then use the correct pronoun! Gender/name correspondence has become highly fluid, and with the melting-pot that this entire world has become, take nothing for granted. Nothing. If you don’t know the gender, avoid using gender-specific pronouns at all.
- Address it to the Correct Person! Many writers use the same query letter text for more than one inquiry. If you are going to cut and paste, double, triple, even quadruple check that the addressee’s name on the text is actually the name of the person at the other end of that magic email pipeline. (Keep in mind that the more generic the letter sounds, the more likely it is to be dismissed. A good letter sounds like it was written from one person to one other person, not to a category such as ‘agent’ or ‘publisher.’)
- Address it to the person’s work address, not to their personal address. Use the address given on their professional media presence, not their personal media presence. If they don’t give an address on their professional media presence, and you have to search through personal information to get an address, chances are really good that person does not want unsolicited queries and you are simply wasting your time (and potentially becoming a stalker).
- Do mention any possible common acquaintances, but only IF they know your work and would recommend it (and you). Do not name casual acquaintances. Examples:
- Unhelpful Networking, “I met one of the authors you represent at a bar two years ago and they encouraged me to submit to you.”
- Helpful Networking, “Author X, who you represent, kindly offered to read some of my work and suggested that I should submit for your consideration.”
- Don’t use your addressee’s first name, as if you were on a first-name basis. Use Mr. or Ms. or Dr. and their last name, as if you were meeting them in polite, business formal company.
- Avoid ‘casual’ introductory personal chitchat. No ‘hi’s,’ ‘hello’s, ‘ ‘Greetings,’ ‘My name is X and I want to’. Your name is on the signature line. You don’t need to write as if you are in a conference and about to shake hands. It’s a waste of words and time. If you absolutely feel you have to make it personal, at least use the personal experiences that relate to your WORK. Examples:
- Offputting: “Dear Agent, “Hi, my name is Y and I have the most fantabulous work that is right up your alley.”
- Potentially appealing: “Dear Agent, After experiencing the tragic consequences of losing a loved one to a hospital-acquired infection, I decided to write a story that addressed this problem . . .”
- No Attachments. (Unless the addressee has officially and specifically stated that is how they want to receive submissions). Attachments pack viruses. Attachments get flagged by spam filters. Attachment contents don’t always translate properly between programs and versions of programs. Include your query letter text in the body of your email.
- Do not send unsolicited writing samples. If the instructions are to send a query letter, simply send a query letter. Don’t add a writing sample in the hopes that it will shortcut the process. All it proves is that you can’t follow instructions (or that you think you are above them). If the addressee’s official submission guidelines request a short writing sample, paste it into the email after the body of the query letter.
- Do not send a resume, a c/v, promotional picture, publication list, birth certificate, your high school or college transcripts, or other certifications (unless specifically stated on that particular addressee’s preferred submission format list). All that comes at a later stage of the process, upon request.
- Edit. Finetune. Cut. Have friends read it and give feedback. Friends who are also writers and are willing to tell you the truth are the best option. Family members are not always helpful. Get rid of anything that does not relate to the project you are pitching, why that project is something that would interest the addressee, and why you are the person who can deliver that project.
Add In Yourself, Your Personality
Even in writing a query letter you are a writer. You are presenting yourself as a writer worth reading; your ‘voice’ should shine through in the letter. Be yourself. If successive edits have cut the letter down to a dry, densely-packed tome, then add yourself back into the mix, and make it fun to read. If you can write a query that is actually enjoyable to read, then not only will it get read, but it will raise some serious expectations that your work might also be enjoyable.
I know that many of our readers are experienced query writers (and readers).Do any of you have any more dos/don’ts for query letter writers?
For query-newbies—do you have any questions about what to do/not to do that were not covered above?
Query Letter Content:
If you want more information on what information to include or how to structure a query letter, a number of our other contributors (who are much more knowledgeable than I am) have already covered the topic, and there are regular discussions about queries on the Writer Unboxed Facebook page. To find other Writer Unboxed posts about queries, then simply scroll down to the search button in the lefthand sidebar and type in “query.”
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About Jeanne Kisacky
Jeanne Kisacky trained to be an architect before going back to her first love--writing. She studied the history of architecture, has written and published nonfiction, and has taught college courses. She is the author of the recently published book, Rise of the Modern Hospital: An Architectural History of Health and Healing, 1870-1940. She currently fights valiantly to keep her writing time despite the demands of a day-job, a family, and a very particular cat.
A much needed post, Jeanne. I’m shocked when I hear agents tell their stories of bad query letters. I’d like to hear your opinion of what to use in the subject line. I’ve been using “Query: genre by author.”
For example:
Query: Middle Grade Historical by Ron Estrada
I’m not sure if including my name is helpful, but my thinking is that an agent might remember me from a blog comment (which has happened) or conference.
Love to hear your opinion.
Hi Ron,
Great question about subject line. The goal of the subject line is twofold–to let the addressee know what it is (a query) so it gets sorted into the right inbox, and then to give them some way to be able to identify your email later, when they are looking for it among the hundreds of other queries.
You can spin it two ways.
What you suggest– which is to indicate that it is a query, and what genre you are writing for gets the email sorted into the correct pile, and that is good. I would definitely make sure your name is in the subject line somewhere, as the danger of that business-like subject line is that it is generic and factual, not a grabber in itself. So a day or two after reading the beginning of your query when they have time and want to get back to it, how do they find it in the pile? Your name, or other individualizing facts (even if the addressee won’t recognize who you are) gives them some ability to sort back through that stack of emails to find yours, rather than having to open each one to find it. In that last option, the danger is that they will not be able to find your query in the stack.
Option 2 is to use the subject line to give a short ‘hook’ or description that gives your book and query better searchability/discoverability when viewed amongst numerous other emails with only subject lines displaying. Something like Subject: “query regarding mid-grade historical fiction about the revenge of the bees” or whatever your book is about. That gives the addressee an immediate means of differentiating your query from the other mid-grade historical fiction queries, and to be able to find it in the pile later.
Hope this helps, and good luck.
And, thinking better about my answer because it’s about content, not tone: according to http://queryshark.blogspot.com/ the subject line should have your title. That site is definitely worth a look for good answers to such content questions.
Thanks for this great summary of what to do (and not do) in a query. I’m saving this for when I’m ready to send out. Happy to look through your list and realize I knew most of it…but it was a fantastic reminder.
I’m glad to hear you already knew most of it, thanks for reading!
Outstanding advice–shared on my FB page. Thanks!
This is definitely a keeper post. Thanks so much!
Jeanne–
Quite a while ago, I stopped sending out queries. I came to think that without having a name as a writer, or the name of a known quantity I could mention, the process was pointless. Especially since agents (understandably) want to take on younger people with many years of writing ahead of them.
But your post today is so wise and useful that it just may get me to again send out a few. For that, I don’t know whether to thank you, but you should definitely take it as a compliment. Everyone in the WU query trenches owes you big time.
I appreciate your honesty, and want to add a comment from my own experience. I can’t tell how old you are from your photo, I’m 60 and found an agent last month. She didn’t seem concerned about how many years I have left of my writing career. Keep plugging, Barry. Have you thought about self publishing?
Barry, I’m glad in some ways to have restored your faith. Querying is a difficult pastime, but never discount yourself because of who you are. What matters is the work. If you query someone for a project that they believe they could sell profitably in a heartbeat you will get a response, even if you are green and from mars. You are part of the package, but age is not a dealbreaker. The trick is finding the person who reads your query and has that immediate moment of realization that this is a work they can sell in a heartbeat. Wishing you the best.
Thanks, Jeanne.
For the record, I’ve had three agents. The first sold my book in a week. The other two took over a year each to not sell two separate manuscripts. After that experience–being taken on to no purpose, twice–I did self-publish the novels those agents had not been able to sell.
As I say, just for the record.
Barry Knister- You have at least 50 more years left for writing. How many do you think you need?
Tina, aren’t you sweet. But you do need to check in with your ophthalmologist. Fifty more years would put me up there with those senior goat herders in the Carpathian Mountains, the ones who live to be 120.
Some good advice here, especially for those who can’t go to conferences, or for those who’re sending out so many queries, he couldn’t possibly be familiar with every agent he pitches. But to get an agent, the most valuable thing to do is to attend writing or agent conferences and talk to an agent. An agent’s vague familiarity with your name is more important than the most perfectly-written query letter–if you can get to them.
I agree, conference interactions with agents or publishers can produce a better reception of your query. If you can include ‘requested material’ in your subject line or first sentences, your message will be more likely to be read seriously. But even then when you do the submission of requested material, you still have to have the goods, and set a good professional tone.
Loved your input! The last two I sent out, (yesterday), followed your instructions. *crosses fingers*
After I sent them out, I read where we should NEVER include “debut” if it’s a first book. I feel like they’ll find out pretty quickly anyway. What do you think?
Also in subject lines where the agent doesn’t specify, I write Query: Title – Psychological thriller. I sent two queries out the week before that got immediate response. I think it was because of the inclusion of genre. What do you think? One of the agents I sent it to yesterday requested a specific subject line: Query for John Doh: Title, so I didn’t include the genre although I sat on a barbed wire fence for an hour researching and debating.
Susie, thanks for the kind words. I hope you have good luck with the queries!
I don’t know if mentioning genre would be a help. If it’s a genre that the agent doesn’t represent, then it would be a cause for quick rejection. If it is a genre that the agent represents, then it does at least let them know you did your homework.
Timing of responses (whether you get one in a few hours, a few days, or a few weeks) is not necessarily something to ascribe a deeper meaning to. Keeping up with the incoming queries is a difficult feat and requires time management. Some agents/publishers try to clear out the inbox on a daily basis (in that case you would get a response within 24 hours). Others get to the inbox once a week, or when they have a ‘spare’ moment (in that case you would get a response after several days, or maybe weeks).
Jeanne,
I’m going to keep this post. Not only is it a great reference for writing a succinct and sane query, it is also a useful tool for clarifying writing in general. After reading your post this morning I pulled out what I hope will be my final draft of my current WIP. I decided to follow your checkpoints and wrote a prop query for my working story. It helped me to hone in on my theme and most importantly on the points I needed and didn’t need to get the story to flow.
I think I’m going to keep this newly found practice as part of my writing routine.
Thank you.
That is the best compliment you could give me! Any time readers can take what I throw out there and find a way to make the messy writing process clearer/ better, it just makes me happy. Having a draft of the query at this stage, and going back and forth between it and the MS should really help you maintain clarity on what the project is about.
Such great advice. I’ve used these tips in the past and have received polite responses to my emails, which in today’s world, is unimaginable.
Jane, politeness and sanity are under-rated gems in this world, and there is a joy in reading a well-crafted letter from an inquirer with a professional vantage point. Agents aren’t impolite, just swamped, and at times a little gunshy, since rejections (however politely phrased) can often be received as emotional bombs rather than business correspondence. There are many inquiries received in my day job that I actually choose NOT to reply to at all out of fear that any response will trigger an unhappy reaction.
Terrific post! You boiled down a difficult process into the most useful points. I would add to your excellent advice: Be ready to go. If an agent replies, “Please send me your first 10 pages and a 500 word synopsis,” you have to be ready to get that to them right away. And writing a synopsis is HARD, not something to be left to the last minute.
For me, very instructive reading was at Query Shark, agent Janet Reid’s blog project (http://queryshark.blogspot.ca/). Not submitting to it (I’m not that brave), but mining the archives and revising my query letter again and again.
Excellent point that you have to be ready with the next step, in anticipation of having more material requested!
And I should second you that Janet Reid’s queryshark blog is FABULOUS!
Thanks Jeanne for this great post! I will be keeping it to help when I’m ready to submit at the end of the year.
I really took to heart when you said: “A good letter sounds like it was written from one person to one other person, not to a category such as ‘agent’ or ‘publisher.’”
When I went to my first writer’s conference to pitch my manuscript and find an agent, I learned that no matter how hard one researches agents on ‘paper,’ it’s never the same as meeting them in person. One agent, Barry Goldblatt stood out as being savvy in the agent/publishing industry as well as just a real nice person. Anyway, to keep on topic, your query advice is amazing because it helps us to know what to include (and not) AND how to set the tone as well. This will help me when I send my query-to-Barry.
Thanks and I bought you a cup o joe!
If you’re not already going, teaching a class on this at the WU conference would also be amazing!
Chris, good reminder that agents are people too. Sometimes I think that writers get so focused on finding ‘an’ agent that they lose sight of the need to find an agent with whom they can develop a good professional relationship. In person meetings make that personal aspect far more direct, and far more obvious. Queries make it more diffuse. Thinking a query alone will lead to the perfect partnership (without intermediate steps and some serious exploration of the interaction) is like thinking a personal ad is going to be answered by a perfect marriage offer. I’m glad you found an agent who you respected and I hope that your work finds its home!
I will be going to the Uncon as an attendee and hope I get a chance to meet you there!
And thanks for the cuppa joe, but just so you know, I forgot to put my usual disclaimer above the tiny coffee widget. I donate all my cups-o-joe to Writer Unboxed, so your support went to keep this website up and running! I’ll add that disclaimer back into the post, so it’s clear, and hope that you are happy with that arrangement!
One of the most important points I think any writer can take from this post, Jeanne, is the absolute importance of professionalism. You mentioned at one point in the comments about the concern of responding to/rejecting some queries because of how they might be received as an “emotional bomb”. It’s unfortunate that this has to be part of the querying experience for agents (i.e. they have to worry about the impact of their rejection) and it definitely speaks to the need for some writers to develop professional maturity. That’s not me pointing the finger, by the way. I can easily look back at the earlier years of my writing and remember choices I made–nothing egregious, but choices about how I chose to interact with agents which, in hindsight, could have demonstrated greater professionalism. Part of that was youth, so it would have benefitted me greatly (and others too, I suspect) to focus my development as much on the business aspects of my writing career as on craft. Your advice about effective querying is sound; thanks for such a rich and detailed post.
Jay, thanks for your comment. You’re right on about the need for authors to approach queries and other aspects of publication professionally. There is a difference between youthful inexperience and a failure to separate personal from professional. Even in a query letter, it’s relatively easy to forgive youthful inexperience, and encourage development even in a rejection. It’s really impossible to have a professional response to what amounts to a request (or demand) for personal as much as professional fulfillment. I have joked to other writers that when writing a query they should be wearing at least casual business attire (and not workout clothes or pajamas), because the simple fact of putting on that sort of business ‘uniform’ subtly influences the kind of letter written.
I think the advice might well be useful in the case of non-fiction. But, when it comes to fiction, any enquiry is likely to be a waste of time and effort.