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The Creativity Trinity: Truth|Empathy|Hope

By

mmfinckPlease welcome MM Finck as our guest today. MM’s women’s fiction is represented by Katie Shea Boutillier of the Donald Maass Literary Agency. She is a regular contributor to WomenWritersWomen[‘s]Books and also oversees that blog’s Author Interview segment and Agent’s Corner. She is the contest chair for the Women’s Fiction Writers Association 2016 Rising Star writing contest for unpublished authors. Her work has appeared in national and regional publications. When she isn’t working on her novel-in-progress, #LOVEIN140, she can be found belting out Broadway tunes (offkey and with the wrong words), cheering herself hoarse over a soccer match (USWNT!–2015 WORLD CUP CHAMPIONS!!!!), learning to play piano (truly pitifully), repairing or building something around her house, and trying to squeeze more than twenty-four hours out of every day.

Connect with MM on Twitter, Facebook, and on Goodreads.

The Creativity Trinity: Truth|Empathy|Hope

The most beneficial thing for me about living in an all-women’s residence hall in college was the sharing: I’ve never done that either! / Yeah, I did that too. So dumb. / That happened to me too! –> I’d thought I was the only one.

I’ve witnessed the same experiences at writers’ conferences and retreats and in writing classes and groups. You queried how many times? / Your first book didn’t sell either? / Your publicist forgot you existed? What’d you do? –> I’d thought I was the only one.

Sharing lifts shame. It creates camaraderie and trust. It creates hope.

Eleven years later, this scene from the film Walk The Line still echoes from the corners of my mind. Joaquin Phoenix as Johnny Cash is auditioning for a spot on the record label of Sam Phillips played by Dallas Roberts. Phillips challenges Cash’s choice of song and the obvious incongruity between the spiritual lyrics and the state of Cash’s actual spirit:

“One song that would sum you up… Somethin’ real. Somethin’ you felt. Cause I’m telling you right now, that’s the kind of song people want to hear. That’s the kind of song that truly saves people. It ain’t got nothin’ to do with believin’ in God, Mr. Cash. It has to do with believin’ in yourself.”

My first agented novel was well-received but didn’t sell for a few funny-sounding marketing reasons. I’d thought I was the only one. Guess what? The more that fact comes up, the more other authors tell me that their first book didn’t sell either. I will not divulge their names because they are their truths to tell, but I will confide that six of them are New York Times bestsellers. Two of them with films made based on their books. My take was: This is not a game ender. It can still work out. Keep at it.

Before Nicholas Sparks got his big Warner deal for The Notebook, he’d been a query rejection collector like the rest of us. In fact, the only agent who’d (wisely!) offered him representation was a young woman with no sales experience. When I was querying, I relished every story of a successful author who’d queried a hundred plus times before finding his or her dream agent. My take was: This is not a game ender. It can still work out. Keep at it.

But truth doesn’t always give us an injection of hope, does it?

When I read Stephenie Meyer’s story wherein she had a dream and then proceeded to write her first ever novel in three short months whilst potty training a child, a novel that hit the NYT bestseller list in its first week, I’m not sure I felt hopeful.

When I read Nicholas Sparks’ story of being a young, newbie author with a young, newbie agent and Warner Brothers buying The Notebook for a million dollars within days of it being pitched, I’m not sure I felt hopeful.

Happy for these people, yes, of course. But are these the kinds of truths that save us from our fears and doubts? Or do they seem to indicate that we are dependent on some extraordinary measure we can’t predict or rely on? A fantastic nighttime dream? An unprecedented deal for a debut during a market that no longer exists?

What about when we are at our most vulnerable and someone shares their depressing stories. Worse is when he or she looks at you with an appreciative gaze that means, “We’re in the same sinking ship. Sucks, right?” Do you feel hopeful after that?

What is the difference between truth that sets us free and truth that sinks our ship?

There are two.

Tense

Is the truth being shared present tense or past tense? Is it a complaint or a war story? War stories are gifts to people in the trenches. What’s happening to us has happened to others. And they survived. Their survival gives us hope. Their advice arms us for the fight.

Complaints, on the other hand, drag a person down. I’d argue that they drag both of us down. Empathy without hope is toxic to our tender creativity.

Share your truth only when you are on the other side of the difficulty and ready to express it in a way that offers constructive advice and hope.

Perspective

Sharing stories from the trenches while we are still down there (which resemble complaints, but are very different) can be helpful if the perspective is a positive one.

If one self-published author was turned down by Publishers Weekly for a review of their book, and another author has the same experience, it could go one of two ways. Either they could empathize with their mutual disappointment and brainstorm next steps. I call this productive camaraderie. Or they could empathize with their mutual disappointment and end there. Which one is more helpful to achieving our goals? Which one is better for our creativity?

Critique groups are an excellent example of keeping a healthy perspective while in the trenches. Members have not achieved their goals yet whether it be completing or perfecting a manuscript, securing representation, or getting published. However, their perspective is an actively positive, constructive one. They are emotionally supportive of one another’s struggles and they keep their eyes on the prize. They help each other get better. Often writers who fought in the trenches together win the battle in eventual succession. Their truth-sharing evolves into war stories.

Another example is authors who are promoting their books at the same time. They have a common struggle and pull each other through it with shared strategies, marketing, and contacts.

The Creativity Trinity

Even if it’s possible to become a successful professional writer alone, it’s immeasurably more enjoyable (and expedient) to do it within a tribe such as ours, Writer Unboxed. We tell our truths. We empathize. We extend hope borne of experience and perspective.

Truth|Empathy|Hope.

Write on!

What are your writing truths? Do they save you from your fears and doubts?

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Comments

  1. Ms. Fink, I’m floored. Such a thoughtful post and hits right on the “fault” line of things I’ve said and done. Such a small difference, between a war-story and a complaint. I’m sure I’ve done the latter while THINKING it was a favor to my peers. This is surely one to think about. Thanks so much.

  2. So true. The journey is far easier with a bunch of like minded souls. Not only because it can help muster the courage and give us the encouragement we need, but to help us understand we’re not crazy. Okay.😊, maybe that we’re not crazy alone. Great to read you here!

  3. Yep. Great perspective. I’ve always looked upon writing as a solitary undertaking.
    (Hmm. Ever notice? ‘Undertaking’ can be either an enterprise or a burial.)
    Living out in the boondocks at the Atlantic end of the continent, I find myself quite solitary. We have no writer’s groups within an easy drive of my home, so I can’t indulge in face-to-face chit-chat. My writer friends are on-line. That’s where the positive comes in for me. I love our exchanges. The writers who consult me appreciate my comments on their work. I’m an incisive editor, always keeping as positive and constructive as possible.
    But from my direction I have no-one to express an outside opinion about my work. My writer friends look upon me as a teacher. I want to be a student too. It’s all part of the building process.
    I put quite a lot of time into helping others. How can I persuade my writer friends to reciprocate?

    • I like your play on the word undertaking. :) Your writing friends are lucky to have such a dedicated partner in you. I have a couple thoughts on your question:
      1 – You could simply ask them to read for you too! I’m sure they’d be happy to.
      2 – Readers fill different purposes. For me, I have four – 1, critique partners I bounce ideas off of. 2, a copy editor, someone who’s great at the dotted i’s and crossed t’s. 3, writers whose work is in the same genre as mine and whose work I admire, and 4, readers who are not writers who read a lot and can tell me what’s working and what’s boring, too much, etc. Perhaps members of your writer group can fill one of these roles if not more.
      3 – I don’t know what genre you write in, but frequently the writers associations for each genre offer to link critique partners.
      4 – I found my closest beta reader when I took on online workshop with Donald Maass wherein you could see each other’s submissions. I chose the person who’s writing I admired the most, and asked him if he wanted to partner with me. He did. Happy day. :)
      5 – lastly, are you in the WU facebook group? If not, I highly encourage you to join. It’s an incredibly supportive group. If you are, consider posting a request for a critique partner. You can try it out with a chapter first and see if it’s what you want.
      I hope this helps! Thanks so much for your thoughtful reply.
      ~MM
      http://www.mmfinck.com
      http://www.facebook.com/mmfinck
      http://www.twitter.com/mmfinck
      http://www.goodreads/mmfinck

    • Undertaking. I never thought about it like that. Good point.
      Why don’t you ask your friends for help with your work? Or, maybe they will read your reply here and you won’t have to.

  4. What a thoughtful post, reminding us all of the importance of taking time to listen, share and teach as we navigate the tumultuous waters of the publishing world … together. Thank you for sharing your wonderful spirit and wise perspective.

    • Hi John! “Your wonderful spirit” put a huge smile on my face. Thank you, my friend. :) I’m so pleased you liked the piece. <3

  5. Wise and insightful post, MM. I love what you said about implied hope when using the past tense. I find this is true in first-person narratives as well. That voice carries an implied promise: “stick with me, I’ve figured some things out, this story will be worth your time.” Conversely, I often find first person present tense creepy and unsettling; I don’t know what I’m getting into. For me it takes a special voice to pull off.

    Two of my truths are: 1) In the publishing industry there is room for all of us who strive to figure out how to best use story to reveal our personal truths (reflecting a culture of excellence and abundance instead of competition); and 2) no two careers will look the same (or, not every book will be in Costco because not every book belongs in Costco).

    • Hello there, K Craft! :) Leave it to you to interpret my own piece in a way even I didn’t see! My wise friend.
      It’s fascinating what you said about reading past and present tense. That one is sticking in my head permanently. It’s so true about not knowing where it’s going (in present tense.) Hmmmm….

  6. Truth–desire, intense work, and opening one’s self to positive and negative criticism isn’t always the key to publishing success.
    Empathy-(and I just blogged about that today) needs to fuel so many of our actions, whether they be relating to other writers or to the general public, who we hope will someday buy our books. And Hope–I have plenty of that and you do too. There are rewards along the way–the beauty of a sentence that flows onto the page, the ability to continue to pursue a goal–it all gives life to life. Thanks, MM.

  7. I used to hang out in a corner of cyberspace where angry, disappointed writers liked to congregate and be angry and disappointed together. Everyday they aired their grievances against greedy agents, incompetent editors, and stupid writers who sell their souls to the corporate devils in New York.

    After I left, it took a while for me to get that toxicity out of my system. When you’re used to an environment that applauds cynicism and cruelty, it’s hard to break away and say, “I’m not going to let you smother my hope after letting yours die.”

    I finally escaped the negativity when I removed the word “failure” from my vocabulary. When every agent who requested the full manuscript of my last novel rejected it, I refused to say, “I failed.” Instead I said, “It seems succeeding will take a bit longer than I’d hoped.”

    • T.K. Marnell, you said “…when every agent who requested the full manuscript…” Wow.
      That in itself is a triumph. You know that the first pages attracted their attention. Now you just have to bring the rest of the pages up to the same compelling quality.
      Ya think? Ya hope? Ya believe?
      Marvellous observation about negativity. Wonderful reaction. Let it go. Get it out of our system. It’s not about US versus THEM, it’s about us being us and being our best.

  8. TK, Thank you so much for sharing this experience! I bet that many, many of us, if not all, can relate! Your comment did exactly what I wrote about in the article! You told your truth. All of us can empathize. And you ended with hope. <3 I love this line – "I’m not going to let you smother my hope after letting yours die." EXACTLY!

    You didn't ask my opinion on this, but I would like to say that anytime an agent asks for your full manuscript, it is a success. Agents do not do this casually. If they say no in the end, you were still very very close. Either it wasn't for them or the manuscript isn't quite ready. One you can't control. The other one is in your control and you're almost there! Maybe a contest would be all you needed to get there. I've done RWA chapter contests a few times – not to win, but for the feedback. The feedback you get from the judges is detailed. If you write women's fiction, by chance, I chair the Rising Star contest for unpublished manuscripts. There is also the Shining Star contest for published (including self-pubbed) mss.

    Best, best luck to you!
    ~MM
    http://www.mmfinck.com
    http://www.facebook.com/mmfinck
    http://www.twitter.com/mmfinck
    http://www.goodreads.com/mmfinck

  9. The publishing industry is a cold vast novel-swallowing ocean. It’s easy for a writer to feel as if they’re writing on board the Titanic. Thanks for reminding us we each have a lifeboat.

    • So many lifeboats! Every writer friend, every conference, every retreat, every blog, every writers’ group, WRITER UNBOXED :), etc. etc. I have a catch phrase – “Publishing hurts. Writing heals.” When publishing gets me down, I turn back to the words. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment! It means so much that these words meant something to you.
      ~MM

  10. Fabulous piece, Peggy!!! This is exactly why we read too, to find the “me too” in every story: I feel that too (but I never told anyone), I did that too (ditto), that happened to me (ditto), and I thought I was the only one. And then there’s the, gee, I never looked at it that way before, now I see things differently.

    My favorite line here is “Empathy without hope is toxic to our tender creativity.” Empathy without hope is toxic, period, I think. I LOVE also what you say about hearing successful writers talk about how they were successful right off the bat, in a week, without breaking a sweat. Always makes your heart sink (it always did mine), and you’d think, okay, that’s it then, of you’re going to be successful, it happens fast, easily, and if it doesn’t . . . uh oh. SOOOO not true. And so empowering to know you’re not the only one who didn’t have luck right out of the starting gate. One of my favorite stories on that topic came from an NY Times obit — it was of wife of a man who’d written an international best seller. She’d said that he’d sent it to publisher after publisher, only to have it rejected. Finally he threw the manuscript in the wastebasket (this was in the 1950s so it was “THE MANUSCRIPT”). She fished it out and said she believed in it and he should give it one more chance. He did. And it was published. The book? The Power of Positive Thinking. The woman, Ruth Vincent Peale.

    • I opened up your comment and said out loud to my husband, “Oh my god, my hero just called my article fabulous with three exclamation points.” I couldn’t even concentrate to read it at first. Took me three times. haha. :) Thank you so much for your kindest words. I’m humbled. [Lisa Cron liked my piece!!! squee! ;)]
      Terrific vignette about TPPT and insights about why we read. #genius
      ~Peggy

  11. Great piece. Truth: I used to write for myself, but because I’ve been published, I now put more emotional energy into the submissions and checking my email every day for replies. I need to get back to writing a lot solely because I liked to.

    Truth: My writing is getting better.

    Truth: Short stories and novels are purchased all the time. Why not mine?

    • Oh, I feel your rawness here. So real and relatable. Evocative. Every writer in the world can relate, I’m sure. For me, the hardest part was querying agents which I lump in the publishing bucket. I was obsessed with checking email. I really put my heart through the ringer. At one point, I created a catch phrase – “Publishing hurts. Writing heals.” Another is “Writing heals the writer.” When industry things get me down, I turn to the words. I hope you find the same comfort! Another source of comfort for me is studying craft. I take workshops and read craft books. I put my story through a craft book like Donald Maass’s Breakout Novel workbook. That kind of stuff makes me happy *and* better. Maybe it’ll work for you too. Best, best luck! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment on my piece, by the way. It means a lot. :)
      ~MM

  12. Heartfelt and warm, just like you. Wonderful post.

    Oh, and you are NEVER alone. I`ve got your back, chickie.

    Dee Willson
    Author of A Keeper`s Truth and GOT

  13. Peggy-

    My writing truths have changed. They’re constantly evolving. I discover new dimensions to this art every year.

    I’m the flip of those instant successes. I sold my first novel on proposal (this was a few decades ago when such things were possible) and got contracts easily thereafter. The thing is, I was not successful. Some of those books were terrible. I have the reviews to prove it.

    So, one truth: Getting published is not by itself success.

    After a long hiatus, some nonfiction books and some attention to my day career, I am back at fiction but with a new spirit. Getting published is no longer the goal. Writing well is.

    Another truth, then: Success is something you achieve on the page.

    The pleasure I get from writing now, truthfully, is more in stretching and learning. My most recent WIP is a novel written without outline. Me, a pantser? Who’d-a-thunk? But with a strong grounding in scene structure, an arc in mind, and a purpose in telling the tale I’ve done something I never thought possible for me.

    Yet another truth: Satisfaction is in growth.

    I’ve also embraced process and community and these have added immeasurably.

    Final truth (for today): I thought I was the only one but, lo, writing fiction is not something you do alone.

    “I thought I was the only one…” Funny, I read that somewhere recently. Great post, Peggy. What do we get to read from you next?

    • I loved this comment! :) Thank you for sharing your story! I love this “Success is something you achieve on the page.” Yes. It is. For those of us who have publishing as a goal, it is not the only success we hope for, but it IS success. I firmly believe that we should celebrate every single success. Even extract the tiny shards of success from failure.
      I also agree about studying craft. I joke that craft is my crack. Nothing fills me with more hope than expanding my knowledge of our beautiful vocation.
      I’m very touched by your question about what to read from me next. :) If you google me, you’ll find other pieces I’ve written. I freelance and guest blog alongside my novel-writing. I’m in revisions on my WIP with my agent right now. Hopefully, we’ll go out with it this spring/summer. Fingers crossed! Thanks for asking.
      Best of luck to you with your writing!

  14. Great reminder. I decided long ago to remove myself and my creativity and my life view from toxic situations and people. It seems like it gets harder and harder and not just in the writing community, that’s why it’s important to have a supportive but realistic group of friends and colleagues. Thanks

    • I agree. A close friend went off facebook recently because he found that the posts his facebook friends wrote were too often negative or otherwise unhelpful for his own spirit. My grandfather said – he’s not the first, I just don’t recall the original source – “Choose your friends carefully because you become what they are.” I’ve never thought about that with writing before you comment, but it’s true, isn’t it? It means a lot to me that my piece resonated with you. Thank you for taking the time to comment!
      ~MM

  15. I LOVE this post. It’s everything positive and true that I know about writing. I love the proactive spin–the fact that you acknowledge that hardships will come, but you can handle them in a way that is destructive of progress and the creative spirit, or constructive of both. Wonderfully said… thanks for sharing this.

  16. So much wisdom here. Thank you for sharing. This is exactly the kind of positive (but honest) thinking that I strive for, because I think it serves best.

    “Empathy without hope is toxic.”

    Great food for thought.

    • Thank you, Kristan, so much. I appreciate you taking the time to comment. My very favorite thing about writing for online magazines is the ability to hear from and talk to readers! Best of luck with your work!

  17. Your positive spirit shines through this piece and in all your responses to comments. I love the way you’ve articulated the difference between war stories and criticism, and the idea of empathy needing hope. So encouraging!