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Have a great weekend, all.
About Debbie Ohi
Debbie Ridpath Ohi writes and illustrates books for young people. Recent illustration projects for Simon & Schuster Children's include books by Judy Blume and Michael Ian Black. Her blog for children's book writers & illustrators: Inkygirl.com. On Twitter: @inkyelbows
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“I’m afraid the whole white rabbit thing was done to death with Alice in Wonderland.”
Buck up. You had to learn sooner or later that those are CHICKEN eggs.
Really, I find the story of a rabbit who delivers eggs a little farfetched–I mean rabbits don’t lay eggs. How does the rabbit get the eggs? Why does the rabbit want to give them to children?
We’ve had some complaints, so from now on you’re going to be called The Non-denominational Spring Festival Lagomorph-American.
Seriously, do you really think I need another chidren’s book about animals? I know you’d be a good cover pic, but the genre is done to death.
What did you expect? You put your eggs all in one basket.
Anthropomorphism? That is so ten years ago.
What we need is a rabbit in a dystopian world, an alternate universe with an evil queen and bizarre creatures, filled with philosophy and truisms.
What do you mean that was done in the 1800s?
I’m afraid not. But we do accept unsolicited eggs.
Your life story simply isn’t compelling enough for a memoir. Where’s the conflict? The arc resulting in personal growth? You’ve been the same guy every year, without fail. Boring. Sorry. But there’s always fiction. How do you feel about world domination?
Easter eggs? Too cliche.
I told you not to put all your eggs in one basket!
It’s not right for us just now. If you could include vampire fangs, maybe some zombie chickens?
This is NOT the fantasy department!
“Sorry, but you speaking your ARCs into our readers’ gardens is just bad publicity.”
I told you before, we can’t consider your story for YA until you put some pants on.
“Go away, Easter Bunny. Can’t you see I’m working?”
I was wondering how you were going to market your latest children’s book.
So you’re a writer…. Let me guess what you do to make a living.
Sorry, but your eggs haven’t taken off the way we’d hoped.
Your ham fisted premise will never sell–a man whose life is resurrected while children chase down candy eggs in the spring. No one will ever believe it. And get rid of those props–we hate gimmicks in the publishing industry!
Don’t feel bad, we’re not publishing Santa’s new book of reindeer poetry either.
In the UK, it’s e-a-s-T-R-E. You need to go through your entire memoir and change it.
I’m sorry, but 632 variations on the word ‘hop’ IS excessive. You’re just going to have to come up with other ways to convey how your characters get around.
We’re not about to pay a penny a piece. You’ve always left them for free, and that’s the way it’s going to stay.
Oh, please. You’re in the news one day a year. Come back when you have a decent platform.
Don’t quit your day job.
The White Rabbit from Wonderland thought *I* was late. Do you think this story would sell?
“Tinker Tailor Soldier Bunny? And you wonder why nobody’s buying it?”
“Which bit of ´Don´t put all your eggs in one basket´do you not understand?”
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Silence while the rabbit waits for the other egg to drop.
“This is just too sweet. There’s no market for it.” (Can’t take credit for this. It’s what I was told repeatedly.)
I need to go home; I can see a big white rabbit in front of me.
No bunny jobs are available. They have all been outsourced to India.
“I’m sorry, but the role of ‘plot bunny’ has been filled. Please try again next NaNoWriMo, and accept this complementary Easter basket.”
You left out the sex scene.
“I’m sorry, but animal stories just don’t sell in this country.”
(Some editor’s actual response to “Animal Farm” by George Orwell)
“Gill said somebunny was here to see me…Not what I expected.”
I said never to put all of your eggs in one basket.