As you might have noticed, I’m a great believer in balance for writers—good food, modest amounts of exercise like walking and yoga and 
swimming to keep all the organs and joints oiled and moving, plenty of sleep and refueling the well with hobbies and travel and such things.
But sometimes life just doesn’t leave a lot of room for balance. April is a wild month around here. I’ve been juggling my calendar this morning, trying to fit everything into place. My son is getting married in three weeks, which means there will be many out-of-town guests, and I probably will be required to clean my house or (more likely) hire someone to do it, which means I lose a work day because the feeling of people here is very distracting. I’m giving a keynote for a library fundraiser, and teaching an intensive plus another workshop at one of my very favorite conferences, The Pikes Peak Writer’s Conference. We’re completely re-doing the back yard to make room for an urban farm, a project that requires demolition and heavy equipment and noise.
I also have had a deadline of April 15, which means a lot has been sliding already. There’s a leaking toilet that needs a plumber and a section of old fence is going to come down in the next big windstorm.
Most of this could have been juggled, but the wedding date was a surprise. My son’s beloved, an Air Force sergeant, was deployed for six months, and they came to the conclusion that they had to be married, soon. So the minute she hit US soil in late January, the wedding was in motion. The date? April 7.
One week before my book was due.
Now, I know some of you are the sorts who would be well ahead of your deadlines and could have just made the choice to turn your book in a couple of weeks early. That would, uh, not be me. And there was no way I wanted to split my attention between the humans and happy events going on that week, and the book, which requires extreme left brain attention at that point.
So, I did the sane thing: emailed agent and editor, who were more than happy to give me the extra few weeks I asked for. (Only a few weeks, well within the grace period, because I hate hate hate hate hate to miss a deadline and almost never do.)
It still means juggling a thousand things—presentations and structuring class work and writing; family and friends and visitors; making things presentable, including maybe me. I need a haircut because I’m peering through my bangs like sheepdog. Maybe a dress, though maybe I could go shopping in my closet and wear one of the 12 million author cocktail dresses that hang in there unused most of the year. It’s not like anyone in my family has ever seen them). It’s going to be an insanely busy, insanely happy, insanely demanding month.
One thing there will not be is any semblance of balance. There is the book. There is family. There are the presentations. I’ll be working long hours.
That means setting strict priorities and sticking with them. The book has to be finished, so it goes at the top of the list, and I do mean the top—I’m getting up at 4 am to work, so that it is done every day no matter what else happens. Getting up so early means I have to go to bed earlier because my particular brain doesn’t function well on a short sleep cycle. To sleep well, I also require some fresh air every day, so the dog walks are also non-negotiable.
I love my Tuesday evening Nia class. It’s my favorite teacher, and my good friend meets me there, and we usually go for a couple of beers afterward and have a salad or share a mini pizza, and it’s a highlight of the week. But no way I can go out like that and still get up at 4, so for this month, I have to drop it.
Top Chef is nearly over, thank heaven. Survivor and Amazing Race are on early enough that I can still watch them live. Any other shows I like to watch, and I’m not saying which one but it might have Tyra in it, can be watched on breaks at lunch or I can watch them all when I’m finished.
Yoga class goes, too. It’s at 9:15 on Friday mornings. Interferes too much with my best work hours and I have enough years of practice to do it myself at home at a different time of day. Maybe swimming once a week is a good idea because it keeps my shoulders and neck loose. It can be done in that dead time of day for my brain, too: early afternoon.
Aside from the wedding, family and friends won’t see me. I’ve covered half of my volunteer hours, and will serve the other half because I made a commitment.
But now that I’ve had to cut out many of the highlights of my usual non-work time, I know I have to put some rewards back in. Work stops at 5 pm and I have dinner with Christopher Robin, and a glass of wine or a beer or two. I’ll take that second amble around the neighborhood with the dog, and then come home and read. Books I’ve been saving up for this kind of time, by favorite authors. I’ll take a hot bath and drink expensive herbal teas to give the girls in the basement a chance to relax. I’ll let myself have a treat every day, too—a little English chocolate, maybe, or a small piece of pie, or some macaroni and cheese on Friday afternoons.
It’s a time of great excitement and hard work, and that’s part of life. Maybe you don’t have a wedding, but a possible new avenue of opportunity that will require similar dedication. You want to get your backlist organized for ebook release. Maybe you have decided to finally finish your book and get it ready for RWA this summer. Go for it.
A little hard work never killed anyone. When I’m finished, my garden will be waiting, ripe and dark and ready to plant. I can putter for a whole month if I like, because I’ll have done what I needed to do.
What do you do when it’s time to knuckle down?
About Barbara O'Neal
Barbara O'Neal has written a number of highly acclaimed novels, including 2012 RITA winner, How To Bake A Perfect Life, which landed her in the RWA Hall of Fame and was a Target Club Pick. She is a highly respected teacher who also publishes material for writers at Patreon.com/barbaraoneal. She is at work on her next novel to be published by Lake Union in July. A complete backlist is available here.
Barbara, thank you for the wonderful post. I’m struggling with balance myself this month and I love the idea of building in rewards. I tend to focus too much on the goal and let myself get burned out. Then I’m no good to finish anything.
Whew! What a month you’re having! Love your priority list. Am taking notes (though thankfully am not juggling as much right now!)
I have had to learn to say no to invitations from friends. It’s hard because I always feel as if they’re going to have secret-fun-stuff going on and that I’ll miss out. But I’m not willing to cut back on quality time with my family, so what can you do? You either write, or you don’t.
I’m in knuckle-down mode too (three weeks til the book comes out!), and it feels to me like you haven’t let go of balance — you’ve found a new balance for the time being. I find I’m so much more productive when I’m busy, but we all have limits. So the time spent on that bath, or glass of wine, or The Amazing Race isn’t “productive” time, but it sure makes a difference in the long run. Cheers!
Wow Barbara – BUSY! I have my own challenges the next few months and have taken to list-making to keep my head from spinning. I’m guilty at times of getting tunnel vision when I have a lot to do and then stress follows. I like how you gave back some treats and rewards for yourself – I need to do that more – thanks for the reminder!
A little hard work never killed anyone — good advice.
I’ll be at the Pikes Peak Writers Conference in April. I’ll look for your workshop.
Celia, I hate that, too, not hanging out with my friends. But the book and family are more satisfying in the long run.
Jael! Whoo hoo! Very exciting time–enjoy every second of it.
I guess this is a bad time to bring up Top Chef Masters, starting as soon as this season’s All Stars is over? :D
I agree that you’ve found a balance, even if it’s a tricky one… obviously you wouldn’t want to do this every single day, but you’re still factoring in self-care, and you’re hitting all the things that you feel are important. Commitments. Family. Writing.
My train jumped the track these past few weeks. I feel like someone who hit a patch of ice and now is wildly over correcting, careening from one priority to another. Your post is helping me look at where I am and get back on track. Thanks for that!
It is so refreshing to read how an author balances her life. You are one busy lady in April, but your prioritizing will make it all work out.
I’m slowly learning how to find balance. Sometimes I can only take it one day at a time. For me, I’ve had to cut out almost all television (really, no big sacrifice) and a lot of socializing (sacrifice.) My family and my writing are my priority, though, so I do what I have to do.
Best of luck to you and your family. May you find peace and balance in April!
I agree with Jael and Cathy: It seems like you’ve worked to find a new balance. It’s not your ideal, but you’re still making time for the most important things (CR and self care and prior commitments and wine and Top Chef!). I love too that even though you hate to miss a deadline, you recognized the need for an extension and acted on it instead of killing yourself with round-the-clock writing.
Sending you loads of productivity vibes and many happy wishes to you, your son, and your new d-i-l.
You seem like you have a good plan of attack, at least, even if it will keep you running the entire next month and a half. Just be sure that once the book is finished, you take some time to catch up on rest and refresh your mind before jumping in to the next project. Although I suppose you may have to work on edits once the book is submitted…but you should have at least a few days to relax.
The lucky thing about being an unpublished writer who hasn’t started seeking publication yet is that I can take a break if work and grad school and whatever else becomes too much, although I like to keep myself to as consistent a schedule as I can so I can train my mind to be ready to work under real pressure when it comes. I’m probably going to slip a *little* this week because I’ll have a visitor from out of town for a few days, but after that I am sure I will persevere and get back on my normal schedule.
And if nothing else, I’ll look at the slight break of this weekend as a reward for keeping up pretty well with the writing this semester!
Sounds like a VERY full plate. For me TV always has to be the first thing to go. It pains me, but it works.
Sssh, Cathy! Don’t tell me!
I forgot to say that I am thrilled over the wedding. My d-i-l to be is a wonderful young woman and just right for my son.
Good job, Erika. A day at a time is a valuable tool.
And wow Barbara–you managed to write a great blog post! I know I’m struggling with balance this month. I’m holed-up in my house to finish a project. No TV, just computer and too many fudgscicles and snacks. I applaud you’re fitting in the walk around the hood–must do that! Good luck getting it all done and best wishes for your son and new DIL. Good times–enjoy!
When it’s time to knuckle down I usually roll into a ball and shut down for a while: admitting how hard it’s going to be helps me get back up and start taking care of business.
I wish finding balance was a one-shot deal instead of this ongoing quest. But it was fun reading about yours!
Fabulous post, Barbara. More than any other thing, balance is the thing I find most elusive in my writing life — well, maybe life in general! It needs extra care and feeding to work, but ah, how perfectly wonderful when it all works. Love your insight and wisdom here. Just the shot I needed ;-)