Warning: Hacks for Hacks tips may have harmful side effects on your writing career, and should not be used by minors, adults, writers, poets, scribes, scriveners, journalists, or anybody.
I recently read about The Most Dangerous Writing App, which, if you stop typing for five seconds, erases your work, forever. You thought you had deadline pressure? Buddy, THAT’S some deadline pressure.
I was so impressed by TMDWA, I went in search of other writing apps that inspire creativity through good, old-fashioned terror. Here are some other great apps that will help get your words flowing and your blood pressure skyrocketing.
- Your History, You’re History: If you don’t make your daily word count, this app will send your Internet search history to everyone in your phone’s contact list.
- Something Just Came Up: Once per week, you’ll have to work on your manuscript at the same time as an event scheduled in your Google calendar. Prove your dedication to the craft by skipping a meeting at work, or by missing your kid score a goal in soccer while your eyes were focused on your laptop. Even more insidious: Each word you type on holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries counts double, so it’ll be REALLY tempting to write during those. If you fail to meet your session goal, you’ll receive a calendar invitation ominously titled “FUNERAL FOR THE DILETTANTE” scheduled for exactly one week later. You will try to RSVP “no,” but will find you cannot.
- Pop Quiz, Hotshot!: This Android and iPhone app will surprise you once a day by demanding you write 250 words. The good news: You have a whole hour to do this. The bad news: You’ll get locked out of your phone if you fail.
- Fail to the Chief: Step 1: Set your daily word count goal. Step 2: Write! Step 3: If you didn’t meet your goal, for every word that you came up short, the app will deduct one dollar from your bank account and donate it to the presidential candidate you hate most—it already knows which one because of your internet search history, which will be sent to that politician’s personal email address.
Write Noir: Your typewriter can get in on the act, also. It’s true! Just hammer out eight pages a day on your trusty vintage Remington, and then stick them in the mail. Each day you do this, you receive an additional piece of the map leading to the location where your dog is being held captive.
- Fab Collab: Team up with another author! By syncing with your Facebook account, Fab Collab scours your network for your fellow scribes until it finally partners you with your old high-school buddy who posts all those racist Facebook memes.
- Microsoft Word: Fill a blank page with words or else stare into the infinite, maddening white void, all the while knowing that, either way, you’re destined to toil in obscurity, and die penniless, unmourned, and unpublished. An all-time best seller.
What’s your favorite writing app? Spread the word about it in the comments!