When it comes to professions, being a Writer is unique in that people often feel inspired to say to us whatever pops into their minds. From strangers at cocktail parties to long-standing relations, we’ve all been confronted with pretty odd parlays. What’s most bewildering is that those same people would never say such things upon meeting a doctor or sitting down to dine with a lawyer or even the kind old lady who makes their daily latte. They may wonder how much the doctor makes taking throat cultures; what illicit case the attorney has in hand; why a woman in her golden years would still be working at the coffee shop; but it’s common courtesy to respect those individual’s lives and vocations.
Enter the Writer, and all etiquette gloves are off.
I’ve had my painful share of experiences. One that never fails to arise at distant family gatherings is: “So Sarah, how are your books doing—are they selling?”
It seems innocent enough and yet, it’s a terribly uncomfortable question to put forth in the midst of carving the turkey. All other conversations shush and everyone waits to hear my response. I always come so close to answering, “Only to readers! Pass the salt.”
But see now, I would feel rude replying that way, even if it is the blatant truth that the individual ought to know intuitively after all these years. Then I wonder, would this relation continually ask a businessman, “So Joe, how’s your business doing—are you selling?”
Absolutely not.
[pullquote]It confounds me that those of us who work in creative careers are somehow seen as less “serious” than those in institutionalized jobs. We’re all making a living, paying the bills, following our passions, and leaving a mark on the world, right? So why, why, why do so many feel they are free to say rather uncouth things to writers?[/pullquote]
It confounds me that those of us who work in creative careers are somehow seen as less “serious” than those in institutionalized jobs. We’re all making a living, paying the bills, following our passions, and leaving a mark on the world, right? So why, why, why do so many feel they are free to say rather uncouth things to writers? The frustration appears to be shared.
This summer the hashtag #TenThingsNotToSayToAWriter went viral on Twitter. From celebrity authors to ghosting freelancers and everyone in between, Writers gave the world some friendly etiquette advice. I’ve gotten such a kick out of reading these. They’re so very Writer Unboxed that I asked a few friends for their experiences to add to the list. We can all learn from these, laugh together, and for some, take notes.
#TenThingsNotToSayToAWriter
LISA SEE, New York Times bestselling author of China Dolls – @Lisa_See
- “You write? That must be a nice hobby for you. My wife… (knits, gardens, plays tennis, volunteers, etc.)”
- “Maybe I’ll buy it on my Kindle.”
- “Why does your husband allow you to travel by yourself on book tour (or for research)?”
CAROLINE LEAVITT, New York Times bestselling author of Is This Tomorrow – @LeavittNovelist
- “Are you still writing?”
- “What do you mean, don’t drop by, you’re working? You’re just sitting around making stuff up.”
- “When are you going on Oprah?”
EMILY LIEBERT, TV personality and award-winning author of Those Secrets We Keep – @EmilyLiebert
- “Your book is so cute!”
- “You’re an author? I’ve got at least ten books in me.”
- “Your book was an easy read. No need to think too much.”
KAREN ABBOTT, New York Times bestselling author of Liar, Temptress, Soldier, Spy – @KarenAbbott
- “I got your book at a garage sale—on the ‘free’ table.”
- “I have a great idea I want you to write for me. Can you draw up a contract detailing how we will split the advance and royalties?”
- “Your protagonist is too stupid to live.”
MIRANDA BEVERLY-WHITTEMORE, New York Times bestselling author of Bittersweet – @MirandaBW
- “How did you feel when you – oops, I mean your main character – lived through that scary, horrible thing that you – oops, your main character – lived through? I felt so bad for you. That part of the book was so sad.”
- “Oh, I know someone who wants to write a book! I’m going to give them your email address so you can tell them all about how to write/pitch/sell/publicize it!”
- “We’re friends in real life and social media, and I totally knew you had a new book coming out, but I had NO IDEA it was any good until it hit the New York Times Bestseller List! Now I’m totally going to get a copy… or at least check it out of the library. I’ll let you know what I think when I’m finished! Also, if you could please donate a copy to my favorite charity for their auction, that would be awesome. They need the book by tomorrow.”
KAREN WHITE, New York Times bestselling author of The Sound of Glass – @KarenWhiteWrite
- “It’s irritating to wait a whole year for your next book. Can’t you write any faster?”
- “I have the most amazing life story, but I don’t have time to write it. Maybe you can write it and we’ll go 50/50 on the royalties.”
ALYSON RICHMAN, New York Times bestselling author of The Garden of Letters – @alysonrichman
- “I liked your book so much I’ve decided not to return it to the bookstore.”
- “I don’t buy books. My grandson knows the Internet so well he can find them on sites that give them away for free.”
- My all time favorite: “I don’t read books.”
You know you want to play along. What’s your #TenThingsNotToSayToAWriter?
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About Sarah McCoy
SARAH McCOY is the New York Times, USA Today, and international bestselling author of The Mapmaker’s Children; The Baker’s Daughter, a 2012 Goodreads Choice Award Best Historical Fiction nominee; the novella “The Branch of Hazel” in Grand Central; and The Time It Snowed in Puerto Rico.Her work has been featured in Real Simple, The Millions, Your Health Monthly, Huffington Post and other publications. She has taught English writing at Old Dominion University and at the University of Texas at El Paso. She calls Virginia home but presently lives with her husband, an orthopedic sports doctor, and their dog, Gilly, in Chicago, Illinois. Connect with Sarah on Twitter at @SarahMMcCoy, on her Facebook Fan Page, Goodreads, or via her website, www.sarahmccoy.com.
Loved this when it hit Twitter – glad to see you dusting it off here!
My own …
“When do you think you’ll be done?”
“When you hit the bestseller list and make your million we can …”
“Why don’t you just self-publish?”
“You know what you should write about? You should write about [fill in the blank]!”
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LOVE these! And thank you so much for sharing on Twitter and Facebook, my friend.
Yours truly,
Sarah
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Funny–except not so. Actually, right on target. Unfortunately….
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Right! Total bull’s eye… It’s helpful to have such a wonderful community of artist to laugh and commiserate with! Thanks for being part of that, Carol.
Yours truly,
Sarah
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I can add a few as well….
“You’ll have to stop writing when you get married and have kids.” (Absolutely not true!)
“You’re wasting your time.”
“You’ll never go anywhere with writing. Do something where you’ll make more money.”
I’ve also heard a few of the things that Joan listed above, especially the self-publishing and “You should write a book about…” bits.
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Oh, lady, the one about getting married and having kids makes me cringe! Don’t people realize this only lights a fire in an artist/writer’s belly. “We WILL prove the world wrong!” That’s our collective cry. Write on Sister Writer. Write on.
Yours truly,
Sarah
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Loved the hashtag and had to add some tweets of my own: “You’re a writer? That’s not practical” or “What do you really do?” And the best one yet is “Isn’t that a hobby?” And that was what my HS teacher told me after I told her I wanted to be a writer.
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Lidy! Your high school teacher said that to you?? I gasped! I can’t believe she would stifle budding artistic dreams like that. I’m so sorry for that. So to counterbalance I say, “GO FORTH AND CONQUER THE WORLD WITH WORDS!”
Yours truly,
Sarah
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I still can’t believe it either. And I regretted that I even listened to her. But still I couldn’t give up my dream and when it was time to start applying for college, I’d decided to major in Mass Communications, working towards a writing job in magazines. Fortunately for me, I took a Creative Writing elective course in my freshman year. And soon after switched majors to English-Creative Writing but kept Mass Communications as a minor. I took a slight detour but went back on track.
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A doctor said to me, “Must be nice to make up stories all day and get paid for it” as he charged me another thousand for a two-second visit.
Me: “There’s a bit more to it than that.”
Doctor: “Still…So, did you get a big advance?”
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Oh dear, Sue. That’s ridiculous. I’m married to a doctor and he will readily admit that my daily grind in my office is FAR more strenuous and intense than his hours in the OR. We writers live a marathon pace. We don’t get to turn off the lightbulb at the end of the day. We don’t get to have nurses and schedulers and assistants do our grunt work for us. And the hardest part is that we don’t get due respect like doctors and lawyers and so forth who get fawned over by the general public. We are all-inclusive slaves to our writing. So thank God we have each other to commiserate and LAUGH together, eh?
Thanks for chiming in on this, my dear. Tally-ho!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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“Would you help my child with his/her college application essay?”
“Do you think you might publish sometime?”
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Those are great #TenThingsNotToSayToAWriter additions!! Thanks, Anna!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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Loved this. People often ask me when I will begin writing for grownups.
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You are obviously a very gracious person. It would take everything in me not to give someone a major stink eye if they said this to me. So glad you enjoyed this post, Vijaya!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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Inevitably – after “are you still writing?” – someone asks what I’m writing now. Since I don’t like to talk about a work in progress, I often use an answer my husband suggested.
They: “So, tell me about what you’re working on now.”
Me: “Can you keep a secret?”
They (leaning forward eagerly): “Yes!”
Me: “So can I.”
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LOVE THIS, Karyn! I, too, don’t breathe a word about my works in progress and yet–AND YET, there is always someone who feels he/she is somehow more special or more charming and will magically convince me to spill the beans. With your permission, I would like to use this comeback. It. Is. Brilliant.
Thanks for being part of our #TenThingsNotToSayToAWriter party here!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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•Is it any good?
•I have a great idea you should put in your book.
•So, Hemingway, you’re writing the Great American Novel, huh?
•Do you know what the odds are that you’ll ever get published?
•Work me into your story … and make me thinner and not as cruel … and don’t say I have bad breath or outstanding warrants. You know what, never mind.
•Hey, that’s only five things not to say to a writer. Your mother was right — you are mentally lazy. Why don’t you use that as another thing not to say? That way, you’ll have more than half.
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These are cringe-worthy good, Bob! All of these are never, never, never to be said to a writer. Thanks for being part of our laugh-commiserate parade today!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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Thank you, Sarah for chairing a meeting of the Misery Loves Company Club.
Regards,
Bob
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Here’s a couple:
“You really need to get over this writing thing and get serious about your life.”
“Oh, you’re a writer? Do I know you? Have I read any of your books?”
“You’re a writer huh? How does that work?
“It’s not that I’m not interested. But I just don’t read fiction.”
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Bwaha! The last one about not reading fiction–I’ve heard that from family members! And it never fails to stick in my craw. So glad I’m not alone in fielding these strange conversations. Rock on, writer tribe!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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What a fun post, and all the comments are hilarious. I’ve had folks ask, “Do I know you?” or say, “I don’t think I know you. I don’t read anything by an author I don’t know.” Funny thing is that this is often said at a book festival where I am meeting folks and getting to know them. LOL
One of my all-time favorite lines came from a lady walking into a bookstore. “Oh, I don’t read.” So….. you’re coming into the bookstore for?
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Your contributions made me laugh out loud, Maryann. I’ve encountered both of these situations too and they baffle me! I never understand what a person is doing in a bookstore when they tell me they “don’t read.” I can only guess that they mean they don’t read what I’m writing, which *is* truth considering they aren’t buying ANY books. Ha!
We just have to laugh and lean on each other in times like these. People are crazy, but we’re all human so… we’re all a little crazy in our own ways too. This makes for excellent storytelling and excellent Writer Unboxed threads, eh? ;)
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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I’ll admit my journey to publication is taking longer than I imagined. Although I don’t believe I did imagine “how long” it would take. I simply knew I needed to write and I was in it for the long haul.
So almost everyone I know is aware of my daily routine: yoga, write, write, write, yoga, write, read…
and yet, they continue to ask, “Are you still doing that writing thing?”
But yesterday the woman that attends yoga with me made the most lovely comment. She had asked what was going on with the manuscript. I filled her in and then she said, (drumroll, horns, angels singing) “Then you still have a full-time job ahead of you.”
Her understanding will be a touchstone for the rewrites ahead.
Maybe when my book is on the shelf I will write “her” story as a thank you. Or not.
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This story was so beautiful and so full of hope, Jocosa. Thank you for sharing a #TenThingsTOSayToAWriter!
Also, may I tell you how impressed I am by your “yoga, write, yoga, write write, yoga” routine. I really need to invest in a good namaste program. I’m sure it would do wonders for my writer’s peptic ulcer. ;)
Be well and write on strong, my friend.
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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When a family member refers to my writing as typing. (Why do you have to stay in your office? You can type down here with me and watch tv.) Yeah, right.
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Yes, yes, yes!! What is up with referring to our crafted, studied, hard-working writing business as “typing” by some? I have people (family, friends & strangers) who consistently say, “Oh, but you can type anywhere so that makes it easy to work, right?” Because this clickity-clack on my keyboard is the new Jane Fonda finger workout. Yes, that’s it! ;) Type on strong, Penny dear. I’m with you in finger-aerobic spirit.
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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I get the “nice hobby” comments often. To which I reply, “Oh, what do YOU do?”
Whatever they reply, I respond, “That’s a nice hobby. Soul crushing, but nice.”
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Must remember that one. LOL. Usually I just get stroppy and say sternly. “No, it’s a job.”
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Oh my, the hobby thing is like a dagger to the heart. The word “hobby” should just be stricken unless an individual truly wants to know if we garden, take yoga classes, collect stamps, etc. Can I get an amen, friends?
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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I’ve had a couple instances of: “If I gave you my great idea for a book, could you write it up for me?” As if “the idea” is the tough part.
It’s not a question, but I was recently floored when an older distant family member told me that she should write a book, and her husband agreed it would be a bestseller. Then she went on to describe a sort of memoir about her experiences at a cottage her family visited through her childhood. The first example of an escapade she’d include: how her cousin rolled down a hill and got poison ivy. I wanted to say something like, “Welp, there’s chapter one. Where do you go from there, now that you’ve got us all hooked and primed for more riveting hilarity?” :-P
Thanks for a fun post, Sarah!
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Well, Vaughn, I, for one, think a first chapter about a coming-of-age woman rolling in poison ivy with her cousin sounds riveting. Scandalous rashes born out of Appalachia-esque frolic…. hmm… your distant family member’s husband may be on to something: BEST SELLER. Bwaha.
You are so very right, my friend. Ideas abound! Novels in the thinking hang from every tree. Life is a Garden of Eden for story Genesis. It’s the sit-your-bootie-in-the-chair-for-10-hours-a-day writing that makes us the Writers and our J.O.B. a true labor of passion and sacrifice.
Thanks for giving us a good laugh together, Vaughn!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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I wrote my own blog post on this with my #TenThingsNotToSayToAWriter. You can check it out here: http://kathrynbiel.blogspot.com/2015/08/tenthingsnottosaytoawriter.html
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This is great! Thanks for sharing and for playing along, Kathryn!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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Hahahaha! Hilarious! Thanks!
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So glad you enjoyed this, Denise! We can all use a good belly laugh– a writer’s daily Ha-Ha Vitamin. ;)
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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I understand their awkwardness. They’re trying to make polite small talk. We’re different, odd. Most people have no informal personal experience with writers. And familiarity breeds contempt. And if I’m involved in a project my mind is elsewhere and I don’t much want to socialize. If someone asks me how the writing is going, or whatever “improper” question or comment they make, I roll with it and tell them how to find me on Amazon. Then I change the subject. I never take offense, and frankly am flattered when anyone bothers to let me know they know I write.
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I would add that some might expect us to be come on with a superior air and be thin-skinned, and for that reason might deliberately be testing us, waiting to see if we sigh or roll our eyes or get snippy. The trick for me is to try to convey that I regard my craft as just that, another craft, and for others to see my work as a product. The thing I dread is people volunteering that they’ve written a book and would I look at it. I hate to turn them down, and I hate to discourage anyone. This is why I’d rather keep all discussions about writing at a distance–online.
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I wholeheartedly agree, Matt. Usually these questions come from people caught in the discomfort of not knowing what to say–so they sputter out statements without thinking. I never take offense when it comes from a genuinely caring person. It might make me cringe (on their behalf) or giggle (silently) but that’s about as far as I allow them to influence.
That said, there are individuals who say statements for shock value and instigation. More often than not, these are people who know us intimately (ahem… hello, family relations) and we know THEM well enough to understand the meaning beneath the question. Again, I think you provide the perfect advice. Don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing our feathers ruffled. Smile. Take the kind route. Then, yes, get the heck out of dodge (distance yourself, as you put it). Ha!
Thanks for joining the fun here, Matt.
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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Loved this. Thank you.
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Thank you for being part of our writerly community, my dear!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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Love this post. Have heard many of them. It’s gotten to the point that I hesitate to tell anyone I’m a writer (my husband blurts it out) because I almost always hear: “Oh I always wanted to do that, just couldn’t find the time.”
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Yes, that one is a staple! As if, being a writer is like taking up tennis (“if I had the time”) or quilt-making (“if I had the leisure”). Baffles me. Because even if a person *thought* such a thing, why on God’s good green earth would he/she say it aloud TO THE WRITER.
Again, we aren’t discussing statements that oughtn’t be thought–because everyone has a right to think what they wish. We aren’t discussing statements that oughtn’t be talked about privately if people are of that bent nature. But for heaven’s sake, don’t say these things to the writer. Can I get an amen?
Thanks for chiming in Beth!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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I am not a writer but here is some insight from those on the outside. You said: “It confounds me that those of us who work in creative careers are somehow seen as less “serious” than those in institutionalized jobs. We’re all making a living, paying the bills, following our passions, and leaving a mark on the world, right? So why, why, why do so many feel they are free to say rather uncouth things to writers?”. Well, I know some new writers and the fact is they do not make a real living….yet. In fact, they are pretty bitter about the process for having just started (and not just one person I am talking about, mind you), the self-marketing, the fact that they still have to do other things than write…these are all points of contention. And you know what is ridiculous about it? They are all doing THE EXACT SAME THINGS. Twitter, Facebook, social media author groups, blogs. The market is saturated by so many people regurgitating the same things. So I’m sorry but even the comments on here have the same essence I see on Twitter…an air of (yes!) superiority, indignation about people daring to speak to you about your writing, as well as derision about the success of books like Fifty Shades ( “that hack, how dare she make millions of dollars from that crap”). I have even heard one deluded newbie talk about authors banding together to start selling their books for MORE because they don’t like their low royalties. Like that is a real possibility. So sorry, being a writer who may not be able to pay their bills is not equivalent to a doctor, nor is writing a book equivalent to helping someone overcome a health issue. And I am no fan of doctors, I just get tired of hearing writers whine.
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Dear Trudy,
I appreciate where you are coming from, and we here are in no way attempting to elevate our own profession by demoting another. But the fact of the matter is that many of these expressions (#TenThingsNotToSaytoAWriter) are not said to doctors, lawyers, and other institutionalized professions. I can speak from experience regarding the medical industry because I’m married to an orthopedic surgeon and have had lengthy discussions with him and his staff about this very topic. They all agree. There is a double standard.
Again, I believe I can voice the sentiments of everyone on this comment thread and myself as the author of this post: we are not here to whine or bring negativity to the world. In this column, I simply aimed to say, “Hey friends, readers and writers, let’s have a laugh together. These conversations are being had and aren’t they awkward?”
No matter the work discipline, there is a place for positive commiseration as a means to bring about communal catharsis and encouragement. I hope you forgive us for seeking a safe dwelling to find that– be it on Writer Unboxed, Twitter, Facebook, etc.
Thanks for reading my essay and taking the time to write your thoughts, Trudy. As writers, we welcome all sides of the conversation. Listening to a person’s story is a key skill of our trade.
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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My favorite was, “An ebook? Well, when are you going to write a real book? I only read real books.
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Oh for the goodness sake. I champion paper and ink books but stories are made of words that form sentences and paragraphs. Those are first created on a computer (an e-Book!) and THEN printed for bookstores to shelf. So eBooks are actually more “real” than their facsimile… unless these folks want to reading hand-scrawled hieroglyphs.
Thanks for reading and posting, Leona!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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This is awesome! I have heard similar songs with a slightly different arrangement.
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Yes, Tanja! I’m loving this comment’s thread. It’s bringing on a chorus of “We are not alone, we are not alone!”
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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I had a lady come up to my table at a signing in a bookstore, pick up the book, read the blurb, listen to me tell her about it, and then say, “This really sounds interesting, I think I would like to read it … but I’ll wait until I find it in the used book store for a dollar” and turn around and walk off.
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HA! Being a frugalista, I appreciate the dollar-kept-is-a-dollar-earned philosophy but there’s a line into “Cheap” that one must be careful not to cross. Saying this to a writer crosses that line.
DEAR READERS, if ever one was going to support American artists, entrepreneurs, local craftsmen, and grassroots campaigns, IT IS HERE. Put out the $$ to support these folks. Writers of all make and models includes. This is how we earn our bread and butter. It’s as simple as that. And if you decide to wait until you find our work for a buck at the used bookstore, that’s fine too! We absolutely appreciate that!! But just, please, please, give us some sanity. Don’t tell us that when we’re sitting with our books in hand. We love our work and we want you to love it, too.
Thanks for sharing this, Rick!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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Wonderful post thanks!! LOL When people say, “Are you published?” I frown and say, “Of course?” Like they’re asking an odd question. :) And to be fair, I get a lot of positive feedback on being a writer. But the odd time I get a weird comment, I’m usually stroppy. LOL. I get sick of stupid comments. :) Aloha Meg Amor
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So glad you enjoyed this, Meg! I must say how much I adore you (sight unseen) for using the word “stroppy.” That’s one of my favorites! What– are you a WRITER or something? (Bwaha–add that one to the list.)
Thanks for playing along in the #TenThingsNotToSayToAWriter game!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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Such fun. I can’t tell you how many people have come up to me and said, “I got your other books out of the library. Loved them. And I’ll read your next, but only once it’s in the library.”
And, as most of you have found, there are always the folk who need us to write their story but they can’t pay. And my response now is that I’ve been there, done that, won’t do it again, thank you very much. But, hey, the Internet is full of ghost writers to query. And their answer is always, “But I think you’re the one who’s supposed to do it.”
No, honey, not unless the voice speaking to you actually says the same thing to me.
The most important thing a writer needs when faced with non-writers? A sense of humor. If we take ourselves seriously, we’re doomed.
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Amen, Normandie. A sense of humor and not taking ourselves too serious are PARAMOUNT. Fabulous advice for all and 100% in keeping with this post. I believe we need a place where we can good-naturedly vent these funny experiences together.
*Not* sharing them would be a kind of backward pretentiousness. I bet even the Queen of England gets bizarre questions/statements only she’s too high and mighty to repeat them… publicly! But I bet Prince William and Harry have a good laugh with her in private. I consider Writer Unboxed our writers’ royal inner chamber. So let’s have a good chortle, eh?
Thanks for being part of the conversation, my friend.
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmcoy.com
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So, so very true. But at least other writers “get” it when people say what they say. I’ve had quite a few others tell me that they too had a great idea and want me to write their story for them. NOT! But the one that hurt the most was when I asked my parents what they thought of my first book and my dad said, “We didn’t like the ending. Couldn’t you have ended it another way?”
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Oh dear, dear. Family. As I replied to Matt Paust above, often the most barbed comments come from family members. Perhaps because they feel they are close enough to us to say whatever they have on their brains. And we love them enough not to brush them off like a stranger = their words cut deepest and stay with us. So your comment is a good time to make a special note:
DEAR FAMILY MEMBERS OF WRITERS, these are particularly things you should not say to your writer relation. Feel free to discuss among your other family members and with friends. Debates about book plots and endings are wonderful and essential aspects our subjective literary business! But not to the author– NOT to the writer, please. Save us from bleeding out silently through our bellybuttons.
Thanks for bringing this facet of #TenThingsNotToSayToAWriter to light, Kathy!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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These are all fabulous. Some I’ve heard:
“You should write erotica.” Um, no thanks.
“How do you find the time with your kids, husband, etc?”
“No wonder you look like that.” Ouch.
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Whoa, that last one completely floors me. What do people expect– GQ supermodels? Come on, folks. We’re writers! I am notorious for telling large, public groups/crowds that my husband is lucky if I brush my hair every other day. Forget about shaving my legs. I could sport leg dreadlocks. I figure I’ll let them know that the bar is set pretty low on a day-to-day basis… so what they see is a feat of effort. I.e. BE KIND.
As to the Erotica… hey, it’s making some bank on the market these days. And nom de plumes are all the rage, too. ;)
Thanks for these hilarious ones, Tonia!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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How did you win that prize. Tell me so I can win it too. Or, how did you get a poem in XYZ Journal–what’s your trick? I mean what are they looking for?
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Ack, the “what’s the trick/key/magic pill” statements. As if writing, winning literary prizes, and so forth doesn’t take hours of painstaking work. I must say, those are among my top fire-me-ups. They trivialize our work to a simple Samantha Stephens nose twinkle. And you do wonder, what does this person expect to hear as my reply? My husband (Doc B) has *jokingly* said I ought to say, “My husband keeps me on a steady amphetamine prescription. Maybe that’ll work for you too.” I told him I don’t want to cultivate the all-writers-are-on-something myth either.
So I’ll simply continue to smile and say, “Hard work and lots of prayers!” I think that might be the better route. Ahem… ;)
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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“Oh you’re writing a book? I’ve always wanted to write a book.”
“Oh you’re a writer? I wish I had the time to write.”
“I’ve got this great idea for a book…”
The list goes on and on…
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And on and on… indeed, Zed. Thanks for being part of our laugh-to-keep-sane writerly thread here!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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I’ve heard, “You wrote a book? Oh, you’re so lucky.” As if luck had anything to do with the hundreds of hours of work I put into it.
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Right! Lucky is finding a $20 under the front wheel of your car. Lucky is planting a garden and having a weedless season. Lucky is getting down the road AHEAD of the school bus stopping every block. Writing a book? That’s no luck, Chuck. It’s a labor of self-sacrifice and driven passion.
Write on strong, Linda! Know that you got a whole pond of “lucky duckies” here to support you, and we’re all paddling our feed maniacally to get from point A to point B.
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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“Oh, you write? What do you write?”
Me: “Science fiction, fantasy, some horror…”
“Oh,” in that tone that conveys, “I don’t read silliness. I only read SERIOUS books.”
—
“Oh, you write? You should send me something that you’ve written.”
—
“Oh, you write? What do you write?”
Me: [Genre]
“Oh, I don’t read that kind of thing, but I’m sure YOURS is OK.”
—
But what really gets under my skin is when I hear people bragging about downloading pirated books off the Internet. When pressed about it, they’ll often say, “Well, it’s not like I was actually going to ever PAY to buy it. At least this way I’m reading it. That’s all writers want, isn’t it?”
In. Fury. A. Ting.
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Pirating books! Once again, let’s remind readers (this is an etiquette lesson) that if he/she chooses to do such a thing to save a buck then that is on his/her conscious and a reflection of his/her ethical thermometer, but DO NOT SAY THIS TO THE WRITER. For heavens sake, that’s just common sense, right?
These are great ones, Gary. I think everyone on this thread will agree that we do not understand (or stomach) genre snobbery. A writer is an craftsman. Period. I happen to love science fiction. I grew up on it. When it comes to entertainment, my dad is 100% committed to all things Sci-Fi so I have a heart for it. You keep rocking your stories, my friend!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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I’d add a personal “favorite” of mine: “But are you working too or only writing?”
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Again, we can all understand what the individual means: Are you engaged in dual means of employment– writing and ______? But it comes off rather disparaging. If I was a truck driver, no one would ask, “But are you working too or only driving?”
There persists this strange perception of occupations based in the arts that desperately needs correction… if even just for niceties.
Thanks for being part of our discussion, Tiago!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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My additions:
When a stranger who has decided not to buy my book says “don’t worry, I’m sure your book will sell!”
When a new acquaintance hears I am a writer and says “Wow, I’m a writer, too! I made a book with a copy-machine and I’ve even sold a few copies!”
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The “Oh, wow, I’m a writer, too!” is my husband Doc B’s favorite. We hear that all the time at random social get-togethers. It’s started to burn him more than me! Hilarious. I’m so glad we aren’t alone.
Thanks for sharing, Caroline!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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I’m convinced that these questions are making me anti-social. Over the weekend at a party, a man actually said to me “Of course anyone can write a book.”
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“Well then I can’t wait to see your 400 pages.” That’s what I say to that man. Boo on him. Sure, *anyone* can write what they want and call it a book. But NOT anyone can make writing their living, publish stories worthy of remembering, and keep a smile on their face. It’s a tough business and far more than just making a book. Shoot, 3rd-graders around the nation “make a book” as a class project every year. Doesn’t mean they are career writers.
And, yes, it is often for this very reason that I have a standing social avoidance. I’m a fierce introvert by nature so being in an extrovert setting + awkward #TenThingsNotToSayToAWriter lobbied at me= I am so done. My Anti-Social switch flips, and I just want pajamas and solitude. STAT. Nothing wrong with that, m’dear. Just means we have more time to write and prove to the world we’re made of solid stuff. Write on, Janie!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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(seeing my book in hand) “You wrote a book? It must be self-published.”
“Oh, I think I’ve heard of that.” (as they scrutinize the cover of my advance copy)
We should start a hashtag for #heardatthebooksigning. People don’t appreciate that we share our DNA with the object they are subjecting to verbal and physical abuse.
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YES! #HeardAtTheBookSigning would be a fabulous new Twitter game. Brilliant. Again, I argue that folks can say anything they please but NOT to the writer’s face.
READERS: Imagine the writer was holding his/her baby instead of a book. Would you scrutinize the face and then say some disparaging remark? Of course not. These books, they are our creations, our DNA, as Stan said. Please, we beg you, be kind to our paper children.
Thanks, Stan!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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Great article – I’m going to share it everywhere!
Here’s a few I’ve heard from family members:
1) Now you’ve got that out of your system (talking about my first book), you can go get a real job.
2) I never knew you had that in you! Next time can you write something a little less scary?
3) Can’t you write encouraging pieces – like for Chicken Soup for the Soul?
4) I loved your book so much – I gave my copy to my friend, who is giving it to his friend, and who is giving it to his friend… (notice, no one actually bought the book)
5) Oh, that’s a brilliant idea – I just read a story EXACTLY like that!
6) I haven’t read it yet because I don’t like anything weird.
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These are rockin’ awesome! Thank you for adding to the thread and for sharing it all over, friend.
I particularly laughed at #3. Coming from a religious conservative background, I’ve heard this from family members, too! I.e. “Did you have to put curse words in your book? We didn’t raise you like that.”
My reply is pretty straightforward: I understand, but my novels have nothing to do with you, dear kin. The characters curse. People use offensive language. Life is tough. Call God and see if he can change the world. ;) That usually takes the steam off and makes my family laugh… because it’s loving truth. Chicken Soup for the Soul does so well because there are a lot of sick spirits out there. I agree that we can all use a bit of medicinal reading. I champion hope in stories–no matter the genre.
Yours truly,
Sarah
(P.S. I love that book.)
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Oh, THIS. THISITY-THIS-THIS-THIS. I write characters who speak like people actually speak. No one — and I mean NO ONE — hits their finger with a hammer and yells “OH, GOSH! SUGAR! THAT JUST…BLESS MY…OW!” No. You let loose a stream in invective that a sailor would find blush-worthy. Science has even proven that letting loose with profanity really does make you feel better. SCIENCE! :)
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Hilarious, yet grown-worthy!
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Foxy Jemille! So thrilled to see you here. I’m glad you got a giggle out of these with us. ;) Take care and give my hugs & love round the Atlanta den.
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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Really appreciate your post. I have to struggle to hide my irritation when people ask me what the novel I’m working on is “about.” If I knew what a story will end up being “about” I wouldn’t have any interest in writing it. If I’m in a bad mood I’ll say, “It’s about people doing shit.”
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Ha! I may have to borrow that last line, but only with my relations who really, really, really-really-really irritate me. Of course, I could never bring myself to say this to a stranger… That’s the southern lady in me. Ahem. However, I’m also an Irish (Mc) Puerto Rican (Latina) so my kit gloves are off inside the casa.
Thanks for being part of the chat, Lamont! You gave me a good giggle.
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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I don’t actually have a favorite, but it lies somewhere between ‘You don’t have a real job?’ and ‘It must feel great to make millions just dreaming up stuff.’
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Good gracious, between those two, is it even a wonder why so many of us writers are stereotypically called “morose”– hello, we have these kind of statements being haphazardly slung our way! Why not simply say, “A writer? Marvelous! I want to read your work!”
That’s what I’d say if I met someone whose profession I know nothing about:
“A scientist? Marvelous! I want to know more!”
“A construction worker? Marvelous! I want to see what you’ve built!”
“A tech wingding maker? Marvelous! I want to use your new html!”
See. A lesson to all: It. Is. That. Easy. To. Be. Polite. ;)
Thanks for chatting with us on this topic, Alejandro!
Yours truly,
Sarah
http://www.sarahmccoy.com
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Clueless person: ‘Oh, you’re writing a book? Can I read it?’
Me: ‘Yes, when it’s finished, edited, polished, and published.’
Clueless person: ‘But why can’t I read it now?’
Me: ‘Because it’s not finished.’
Clueless person: ‘So?’
Authors like people to see their beautiful final product, They don’t want to share the messy, sloppy first draft. Think of it like a new baby. The parents want to share that baby with everyone – once it’s born, cleaned up, and clothed. They don’t want everyone to witness the actual MAKING of said baby.
Another favourite:
Clueless person: ‘What do you mean you have to get up in the morning? You don’t DO anything.’
Me: ‘You’re right, I don’t. I just lie in bed all day, sipping mojitos and watching daytime TV. The books just magically write themselves.’
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I still get:
“How many copies have you sold so far?”
“How much profit do you get off each copy?”
“It won’t take you long to do re-writes, will it?”
“At least re-writes don’t require much thinking.”
“You self-published? Oh. No real people interested in your book?” (at which point I try to explain the differences between vanity publishing, self-publishing, print-on-demand, traditional publishing, publishing companies, print houses, and then my head explodes. And how ALL demand that you have self-initiated online presence.
“Oh, I can hardly wait until your book is finished. Can I have a copy?” (i.e. not buy one,)
There are the people who expect to get free copies because they are friends of friends on Facebook. Or because they have a charity that needs “things” to auction off. Or because it would be “a really neat idea for a gift for so-and-so, and that will help in your book promotion!” No.
Of course there is the one that many above have had: “That’s a nice hobby. What do you do the rest of the time?” I too, have encountered the seeming interest in my books, followed by “I dont read.”
Lovely to find like-minded people here!
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