Telegraphing (and other pace killers)
Therese Walsh on Aug 24 2010 | Filed under: CRAFT
My work-in-progress–this second book–has been full of challenges for me. Mostly, I think, I let myself get out of practice. I moved from being immersed in editing to being immersed in publicity for my debut, and when it was time to get back to writing new content I was slow to change gears. Now that I’m writing daily again, there are still struggles.
My tendency has always been to stall whenever something goes wrong in my writing. I wouldn’t necessarily know where I’d erred but would feel paralyzed by some phantom mistake. I’d think about it for days, weeks, sometimes, before a solution would emerge.
I don’t have time for that now. What I need to do is figure out, fast, where I messed up, fix it, and move on. Luckily, I’m getting better at this, in part because I’ve noticed a trend to my mistakes.
The number one trend? Pace killers. So that’s what I’m going to showcase today.
Don’t do these things. Trust me.
If you’ve read The Last Will of Moira Leahy, you know I’m a fan of the twist in the tale. So you would think I’d remember that they’re not twists at all if the writer uses a literary bullhorn to foreshadow what’s about to happen before it does.
Ha. Double ha.
Example #1: Main character walks into a store, runs into a guy talking about a missing dog, shows him a picture. “If you see my dog, let me know, okay?”
Erm, you think the MC later finds the dog? Who saw that one coming? Show of hands.
That was not a real example from my wip, by the way, but you get the picture. That sort of thing completely undercuts the suspense and tension of an arc. Better would be for the MC to find the dog, learn he was maltreated, take him home, fall madly in love with him, THEN run into someone with a picture of the missing dog. Oh, and there’s a reward offered for whoever finds the dog, too, and the MC is poor, could use the money. And the person who wants him back, who beat that beautiful dog senseless? He’s a police officer who doesn’t seem to believe a word your MC says.
Ooh. Conflict. Tension. Better.
Example #2: Two characters are in an argument. One is arguing her point of view passionately, the other is doing little to hold up her end though she does make the occasional snide comment.
Wonder who’s going to win? Neither will the reader.
Remember when you’re writing argument scenes to provide compelling dialogue to support both viewpoints. Result: The reader doesn’t know who will win, even who to root for. And that’s good–very good. Creating inner conflict in the reader invests them more deeply in your story’s outcome.
Telegraphing is a no-no–one of the worst. It leads to predictable storytelling, not unboxed novels.
Unless the conversation is brief, you may be asking too much of your readers to hang with that much dialogue. You might, as I often do, need to see an entire sequence before you understand the best parts, so go ahead and write the entire thing out if you’d like. Then circle the turning point moments.
I’m particularly prone to this problem when it comes to writing arguments. It’s counterintuitive to cut them, because you naturally think conflict=good. But it’s not so good if that conflict doesn’t move the plot along enough to warrant the number of pages you’ve handed over to it. Show the best stuff, including those turning point moments, but don’t be afraid of using indirect dialogue (narrative summary that deals directly with who said what) to cover the remaining important points. Despite the popular show-don’t-tell commandment, sometimes telling is truly the best way to go.
No. No. No. Improve upon those scenes by giving them true muscle. Make more stuff happen. Important stuff. Or delete those scenes outright and weave in whatever relevant information they offer later.
I found myself writing things I knew were going to be edited out later–and by ME. What a waste of time.
Some writers don’t like to wear both the editor’s hat and the writer’s cap simultaneously, but when you’re on deadline, you may have to do it. And you know that when you’re wearing your editor’s hat, that each scene has to work for you in more than one way. The best scenes are doing maybe three things–evolving the plot, adding new layers of conflict, introducing a character or revealing something about an existing character, etc…
Better to write it right, from the start.
From a writer’s standpoint, what do you notice kills your pacing? How about from a reader’s standpoint?
Write on!
Photo courtesy Flickr’s tibchris






















Some good points here, Therese! For me, I have trouble letting go of time. I just can’t seem to explain away several hours without writing about them in detail. Then I look back to find that I’ve managed to describe several hours of…a car ride! DOH! Boring! I’m getting better at it, but it’s still a challenge to let go.
Scott´s last blog post ..Great- Kid Don’t Get Cocky
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Scott, it’s the writer’s curse of knowing, at the base level, that you must describe what happens next. And what happens next might be an hours-long car ride. (Which, hey, could be good if you need a reflection scene!)
Thank you, Christy and Richard!
JD, sometimes it may be worth it to be sidetracked a little if you’re developing a character. I’m a fan of quirk.
Anne and Kristan, I agree with you about the power of lacing information. Don’t you think that can mean a more thoughtful reading experience for the reader too?
TempestDash, great suggestions here. Thanks so much for sharing.
Spooks, you are so right on about the problem with daily word counts. Who cares if 97% of the words will be cut later? (Though I guess, if you’re going to be glass-half-full about it, at least you’re keeping your head in the story.)
Indigo, sometimes I think we writerly folk do that as reminders to ourselves even more than to potential readers. E.g. “Don’t forget that Grandma never drove a car. That’s important to know later on.” When I catch myself being redundant in a draft, sometimes I’ll use the highlight feature in Word to make note of it (in gray). Later, I can go back through to see how much of those reminders are really necessary and delete them if need be; but at least they served a purpose in reminding ME how to direct the story. Hope that made sense.
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Therese,
Great post and so fitting for those of us in the middle of a WIP. Your advice is spot on, especially the part where you write stuff you know will be edited out by you later. All the stuff that niggles my brain is caught and questioned by my critique partners every time. Good CP’s and beta readers can help keep you on track. Best of luck in working on deadline and know that your fans can’t wait to read novel number two.
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Good luck bringing novel number two into the world. Meanwhile, thanks for reminding us not to tip our hand as we plot. It takes some work to play fair with the reader while sending them down a false trail from time to time, but it’s worth it.
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Thank you for noting all of those things. I’m in the middle of a WIP also. Sometimes I get caught up in the minutia of life creeping into my story (I finally got over going to the bathroom issues…)and have to ask, does it move the story forward or add a quirk to a character?
Your points are well taken.
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I hope this doesn’t sound sick, but I love hearing how other writers are struggling. I guess it makes me feel normal!
To me, as a reader, what kills a book’s pacing is a description of the setting that comes as one big block of text. I usually jump over it looking for the next bit of dialogue. These descriptions are important, but for me they work better when they’re laced through in bits, rather than dumped all as one.
Similarly, as a writer, I struggle with what you described as “showing the entire conversation,” or giving too much dialogue. I love to write dialogue so it’s especially hard for me to know when to replace it with a narrative summary.
Therese, I loved TLWML, I’m sure I’ll love your second. Keep plugging away!
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Big chunks of description. I *used* to do this a lot, years ago, because it’s a rather common mistake for newer writers. Luckily I’ve trained myself out of it — if anything, I might under-describe now! — but I see it so often in other people’s mss. It really kills the flow of action. Better to take all that description and thread it throughout the scene. Or, even better, have your characters *interact* with the setting in order to reveal traits about the place or people.
Kristan´s last blog post ..Not a rant
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For most scenes I write, I try to keep two threads going at any given time to help prevent a slackening pace. Most people multitask these days anyway, and it just seems more realistic to show someone doing two things at once.
This is especially true with conversation scenes. I always try to have the characters talking about one thing while doing something else. Like having two detectives talking about lunch while looking through photos for a match to a suspect. When the conversation starts to slacken, I back up a few lines and interrupt it with the discovery of the picture that matches the suspect.
Or if I’m going for something more humorous, then I’d have the second thread be something innocuous, like walking through the park or navigating a line for the movie theatre. Then when that thread gets attention again it’ll be because something completely unexpected happened. A dead bird falls from a tree in the park or a line jumper elbows the MC in the gut to get a ticket before they’re sold out.
These are simplified examples but they just illustrate my own anti-pace-killers.
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Great post!
I tend to do all of the above, in some form or another, though I’m better at catching myself and cutting it out early. Another issue I have is just writing to say I wrote–I don’t really advance the story, but I say to myself: “darn it, I wrote 1,000 words today!” If 930 of them are pointless, don’t develop my characters, or don’t move the story along, I’ve wasted my time. I used to be an advocate of the daily word count, as it helped me feel like I hit a goal. Now I’m more of a “write for three hours” kind of guy, and it has helped me stop spinning my wheels.
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Redundant phrases, kill me. I find myself in overkill more times than not. Finally my Beta reader told me to give my readers some credit. Slowly but surely I’m learning that one. When you over explain something, more than likely your bordering on more telling than showing anyway. So yeah, my work is cut out for me. It’s a learning process. (Hugs)Indigo
Indigo´s last blog post ..Hysteria
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Oh, I know what you mean. I’ve been struggling with pace lately, and at that exact moment you describe: ready to let it rest for a while until I can solve the problems. Will try to use your tips to get my story moving, so thanks for that!
Gabriela Lessa´s last blog post ..A Tale of Two Manuscripts
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This is such a great post, Therese! Nice to know I’m not alone in falling into those pace killing traps. Mine is definitely writing about ‘dead time’ that time when nothing related to your plot is happening but you feel like you have to describe it. Then it’s soooo boring that you start re-writing it and re-writing it hoping that will make it better. . . ahhhh, stop, just cut to the action, already! It does, however, get much easier. By the time I’d finished Book 3, I felt like I could cut the dead time out of the outline itself, which meant I never bothered with it when it came to the actual writing.
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Love this post! Totally hear where you’re coming -from, making the first-book-release-start-second-book transition. Did that last fall. It was ghoulish. But I did learn a lot.
I find that most of the time if a scene or sequence isn’t working and the pacing is dead, I’ve entered too early. Usually waaaaay to early, and my character has no business hanging around in there at all.
Happy writing!
Hillary Lodge´s last blog post ..Its my Birff-day
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You have just described my writing. Ugh! I have already done revisions in my head as I write my first draft. It makes me just want to stop this draft and start over. Thanks for pointing out the “What Not To Do’s” as they will stay fresh in my mind as I hopefully get through this rough-as-sandpaper first draft I have going! :)
Love all the tips and advice…you have no idea how much it helps.
Hallie Sawyer´s last blog post ..Did you have back to school jitters
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Good luck, Gabriela!
Anna, I’m so relieved to hear it gets easier. Really.
Hillary, good tip. When in doubt, cut to the next Important Thing.
Hallie, more often than not, I’ll stop the drafting process to revise if I know I’ve messed up. Maybe this isn’t the way to go and I should press on, but for me a stop for editing and reflection sometimes helps to renew my love for the work. I’m so glad you’ve found the info helpful here at WU. Good luck!
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Great post. When I attempt to write and edit simultaneously, I sometimes give too much creedence to the editor voice, which becomes a creativity killer. Perhaps I will get better at this in time, but right now they need to be separate.
Pace killers in my writing – over-description and boring language.
Pace killers in my reading – syntax and grammatic errors make me want to hurl the book and my lunch.
cooper´s last blog post ..queen’s meme – skewl dayz
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maybe too much dialogue; and the sequence of time – that’s a challenge
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Thanks for the helpful post! Pacing is something many of us struggle with. In my newly-completed novel, I had a fair amount of cutting or rearranging to do in the first few chapters to quicken the pace. Part of my problem was including background info, even in snippets, too early in the manuscript. I also needed more action and suspense.
As a reader, I dislike scenes where little of importance happens, or too much description in the wrong place.
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Your generosity to other writers really comes through in your posts. Great advice. I’m revising a novel, and I’m thinking of the process as putting my WIP in a sharpener, shaving away to make the points finer. I’m also moving things around and adding, but all that ends up in the sharpener, too.
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My pace killer? Repetition. In my WIP (1st draft), the characters keep arguing over the SAME THING over and over and over. I think it may be because I don’t know how a couple struggling over his affair with her younger sister (and the resulting pregnancy) are going to resolve the issue and reconcile.
I noticed in a novel I read recently another pace killer: too much explanation. It was a historical novel, filled with lots of historical figures; trying to keep track of who was who got confusing, especially when the explanations were all dumped into dialogue, and every other character was named Margaret or Henry or Edward. (The curse of British royalty, I suppose; they couldn’t come up with unique names or something.) It also became tedious because there was very little description to help me recreate this world in my head. I stopped reading.
Laura Droege´s last blog post ..The sting of rejection and words of encouragement
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Very helpful post, Therese. I don’t know that I’m skilled at pacing, but what’s helped me the most is to have thought out the goal-motivation-conflict for the narrator beforehand, and ensure there’s someone to oppose their goal. So far, I’ve never been told to axe a scene outright. (Though I’m sure that day will come.)
Jan O’Hara´s last blog post ..The Habit of Bravery
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I find that walking and thinking kills my pacing. That and traveling at all. Those are the scenes that I usually cut to the bone, especially if it seems like, with all the thinking the character is doing, he/she could have walked through several counties.
Barbara Ann Wright´s last blog post ..Doings- Happenings and Goings On
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Wow–this is GREAT! I’ll use this in my self-editing, but I know right now, I love to weigh my WIP with set directions: “She turned and walked over to the tree…” “He laughed, as he stepped out of the bar…”
I should have been a screenwriter, seriously.
Erika Robuck´s last blog post ..Review- Wide Sargasso Sea
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Very interesting post Therese, which address the main flaws in my extremely flawed first draft.
I don’t know about you guys, but I find pacing to be a completely different ball game in a long term project like a novel. It’s easy to pack some punch in a 6-7 pages short story, but a novel needs a tight grip over a long period of time, in the novel or with the writer. One of the ever going struggles of the writing hand.
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This was great advice! Loved your examples, too. I need to grab my red pen and look for the telegraphing thing. 0_0
Raquel Byrnes´s last blog post ..Publishing Business Low Down
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Great post!
Lydia Sharp´s last blog post ..Tuesday Tunes – Finding Rhythm
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My biggest problem: With the two books I’ve tried to write, I wrote by the seat-of-my-pants. The manuscripts deviated from the rough outline in my brain, my characters did weird things (though some may think that a good thing), I lost control of everything, had no idea what to do next, got discouraged, put the manuscript down, and didn’t write anything (not even short stories) for the best part of a year.
This time around, I have been trying to come up with an outline first, but find outlining impossible without some sort of storyline—Catch 22.
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Great post by the way! With my recent manuscript, it’s making sure that there is an opposing force in the scene, no matter how small or big the scene goal is. I might have the plot moving forward and character revelation but without the opposing force it can read slow.
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This is even worse in a TV show, where every scene has to serve a purpose. Did they do a quick one-second shot on the guy’s badge lying on the ground? Hmmm. Wonder why. The antidote for telegraphing is either a bait-and-switch or a red herring, which I don’t see often enough.
Telegraphing is pretty easy to avoid for us pantsers. We already don’t know what’s going on!
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Telegraphing is pretty easy to avoid for us pantsers. We already don’t know what’s going on!
Thanks for the laugh, Marc!
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