Love, loss and deadlines
November 6th, 2008 by Juliet Marillier
I’ve been on the emotional rollercoaster this week. My beloved old dog, Outlaw, died unexpectedly; I finished revising the manuscript of Heart’s Blood; and my new novel, Heir to Sevenwaters, was published. Outlaw’s death completely overshadowed the book milestones, reminding me that while the ups and downs of the journey to publication loom large in a writer’s existence, it’s the joys and sorrows of real life that give us the key to emotional truth in our writing.
Barbara blogged last week about the way writers use and transform real life events to shape a story. It so happened that last week my critique group gave me some feedback on the final chapters of Heart’s Blood. I was provided with a number of suggestions for improving this section, and one was to expand a scene about … yes, the death of a beloved dog. My critiquing buddies thought the dog character deserved a grander, more emotive send-off than the one I had given him. I was still considering whether I would make this change when Outlaw fell seriously ill. There followed three days and nights of confronting sights, sounds and sensations, culminating in a long deathbed vigil.
The thought of trying to put some of that down on the page was daunting. I’ve written dog death scenes before, but this was too new and raw. I hadn’t had time to process it; I was still trying to deal with my shock and grief. However, as anyone who has followed my last two posts here will know, the deadline for this manuscript is the end of November. If I was going to revise the scene, I had to grit my teeth and get to it straight away. I told myself it would make the book better and be a tribute to my brave old boy.
Not everything went into the scene, of course. The dog in the story is not a gentle kelpie but a fearsome fighting hound, and he dies from battle wounds. I did include some of the most powerful moments from the real experience, including the way Outlaw seemed to wake from a semi-coma for long enough to hear me tell him what a wonderful friend he had been over the years. Other parts of it may appear in a later story, in particular the mysterious way in which the old dog, who had been unable to walk for the previous 12 hours, somehow managed to get himself outside onto the chill, dewy grass during the brief time I fell asleep, a distance of at least 30 paces. How did he do this, and why? We’ll never know for sure. My son carried him back inside and we wrapped him in a quilt. He died two hours later.
Well, the manuscript is all finished. My instincts tell me it’s time to stop pruning and tweaking and let it go. I’m taking a short break and allowing myself to read for pure pleasure (I’m currently revisiting Daphne du Maurier’s Cornish novels) before starting my next project. Heart’s Blood has come in at around 157,000 words, which gives very little scope for additional scenes. I’ll have to hope my editors don’t want expansion. More on this in my January post, when I expect to have the editorial report back.
I guess writers don’t dedicate books to their dogs, but a small part of Outlaw will remain in this particular novel, and no doubt he will make a contribution to other loyal and loving dog characters in the future.
27 Responses to “Love, loss and deadlines”
I’m so sorry to hear about Outlaw, Juliet.
You know, a dear friend of mine ran our community college’s theatre department for decades. Every show I’d ever seen him put on was dedicated to the memory of his long-gone best friend–his dog.
Thank you, Therese. People who don’t have dogs may find this kind of bond hard to comprehend, but it can be extremely strong.
As I read your words I looked down at my tiny Cotton sleeping soundly in her box by my computer chair. She is ten – it may not be too long before I have to face that final farewell. It will be difficult. My sympathy to you.
Nora
I’m so sorry to hear about Outlaw. I had tears in my eyes reading this and don’t even ‘know’ you or Outlaw. I have a geriatric kitty (19 1/2 years) and sheepdog(10 1/2), and I fear they will both pass within a short period of time of each other.
Gentle animals enter our lives and then depart. That’s life, but it doesn’t make it any easier for those of us left behind.
Juliet I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your beloved friend. I am the proud ‘papa’ of three shih tzus who are my life, and I dread the day that I have to say good-bye to them. I have never been as close to an animal as I am now so I can only imagine what you are going through. My prayers are with you through this difficult time.
My dogs are everything to me. They are family.
My heart goes out to you.
Oh Juliet, I am so very sorry. I lost my beloved dog Charlie a few months ago quite suddenly – and the loss and grief was unbelievable. I still tear up when I think about him.
My sympathies, Juliet. We had to make the horrible decision to put our German Shephard down after 12 years, a decision that tore us up. The final moments were spent holding her and telling her that we loved her. Have you read the poem The Rainbow Bridge? I have it on my bulletin board with a picture of MC. I commend you for writing what must have been a very difficult scene and I’m sure it will enrich your book because of the authenticity. Best wishes.
J
it’s the purity of their hearts that bonds our dogs to us. losing Beau was a great heartbreak for me and my children. even now, ten years later, i keep his picture by my bedside. he will always be my hero and i was blessed by his presence for 16 years. and even then he didn’t want to leave me. juliet, i am so sorry for your loss of Outlaw. thea
I am so sorry to hear about your Outlaw… I think you could dedicate a book to him! Goodness knows I’ll probably dedicate one to my Riley. I was also impressed by your grit to move on, and I think Outlaw would have wanted that.
“…while the ups and downs of the journey to publication loom large in a writer’s existence, it’s the joys and sorrows of real life that give us the key to emotional truth in our writing.”
What a simple, eloquent truth.
Dear Juliet,
I would like to send my condolences for your loss. I have recently finished two of your books and was so impressed that i found your website to find out more information on your other books. I can see that you are a lovely lady and my heart goes out to you at this sad time x
So, so sorry Juliet.
Our family dog, Brandy, a heroic Pomeranian who would cuss out a German Shepard without a second thought, died when I was 12, and I’d known that dog my whole life up until then. We were devastated. I suspect that’s why I’ve been reluctant to have a dog to this day.
I’m so sorry about your dog. I hope it helped ease your sorrow in some small measure to be able to use those emotions in your book. I know writing about it sometimes helps me. I don’t know why you couldn’t dedicate a book to him – a loyal friend is a loyal friend whether he has two legs or four. My sympathy to you.
I’m so sorry to hear about your dog – having had to make the tough decision to anaesthetise my 19-year-old cat a couple of years ago, I can’t hear about other people losing their beloved pets without both empathy AND sympathy. I think most people who have ever owned (been owned by?) a pet would think dedicating a book to Outlaw perfectly sensible and a loving tribute.
Thanks, everyone, for these lovely comments. Janet, I do remember reading The Rainbow Bridge, I will look it out again (and make myself cry no doubt, but that’s a good thing.)
There is something about the kind of love offered by a dog that can’t be found anywhere else. Some may disagree, but I feel cats always hold a part of themselves out of reach.
A reading recommendation for dog lovers: Street Dogs by Traer Scott. For those who own rescue dogs, as I do, this book is not to be missed. It’s a wonderful photo essay about work on re-homing the street dogs of Puerto Rico. There’s a companion book called Shelter Dogs.
I am so sorry about Outlaw. My 13 y/o border collie is snoring at my feet. I know the reality. My time with her is short, maybe a year or two. I dread it.
Dogs love with their whole heart and soul. I know how the loss of a beloved dog leaves a hole through your chest.
Dedicating your book to Outlaw would be a lovely tribute.
Outlaw deserves to have a book or two dedicated to him. He was a lovely dog. My best memory of him was a day when I took him to the park across the railway line and a three year old boy shouted joyfully “Doggie!” and before his mother could stop him, he had run up to Outlaw and flung his arms around him. He began to explore Outlaw’s face with his fingers and Outlaw barely flinched – he just stood there, a little tense, maybe, but not even trying to back off, much less show aggression, even when the little fingers were almost in his eyes.
Vale Outlaw. You’re sadly missed, old man.
Oh, Juliette, giant hugs on the loss of Outlaw, but how brave of you to use it for the book, and you know you’ll remember that every time anyone comments on the scene. What a great way to honor him!
The flip side to that tale is this one: I lost a cat to a fox in July and he suddenly arrived as a kitten in my MIP.
And I say, why not dedicate a book to a dog if you wish?
Sorry, I do know it is JULIET.
Satima, it was striking the way Outlaw knew instinctively how to behave with small children, as demonstrated from the very first day Claire (my first grandchild) arrived in the family. Outlaw would have been about 9 then. He’d only lived in a household with me and my younger son, who was a teenager when Outlaw was a puppy. No experience of babies and toddlers at all. But he showed good manners with kids always.
Barbara, thank you for your virtual hugs, and how interesting about the cat. Is an MIP a masterpiece in progress?
MIP: sometimes mess in progress. Masterpiece only rarely. :)
All my sympathies, Juliet. A very hard experience..
Our own dear canine friend, Tess, who’s been with us since she was a few months old(she’s now 13) is looking very very frail and old these days. I dread her going..
I’m sorry, Juliet. Reading this sad news reminded me of the loss of my dog, Dick, which happened this summer. He was already 15 years old, so it was sort of expected. It always hurt to say goodbye forever.
Thank you, Sophie and Mariposa. The two little dogs are working hard to fill the empty space.
I’m very sorry to hear about Outlaw, Juliet. He sounds like a wonderful companion who will be greatly missed.
I’m sorry to hear about your dog. I know even when mine goes to the kennel, I’m always looking for him underfoot. I hope you enjoy Daphne du Maurier, and that it’s good for inspiration and relaxation. Du Maurier’s ‘Rebecca’ it’s one of my absolute favorites!
On a seperate note: I just found this site, and I must, must mention: I read Daughter of the Forest ago and it’s wonderful, it touched me so much, I immediately gave copies to three of my best friends. They all count it among their favorite books now, along with the other books in the series. We have occasional discussions over which one of the heroines was the bravest, the wisest, the cleverest, or which, simply, is our favorite! Looking forward to reading the next in the series, as well as Heart’s Blood (great title!)
It is not for the loss of an animal that we mourn, but for the loss of an unconditional love.
So very sorry, Juliet.