Creating a really good bad guy
July 17th, 2008 by Ray Rhamey
I’m deep into a serious rethink of one of my novels as a result of a critique by Lou Aronica, a top editor/publisher. A main focus is a primary antagonist. Lou says he’s not strong enough or smart enough to be an interesting character, and I have finally understood that he’s right.
This WIP is the first novel I wrote (5 novels ago) and I’ll admit that the bad guys were created just to be bad, just to attack the good guys. I didn’t like the bad guys, and I didn’t want my readers to like them either. So all of their characteristics are unlikeable—weak, corrupt, greedy, cowardly, dishonest, arrogant, and not all that bright.
Cartoony, to be honest. I couldn’t see that then, but a light turned on a week or so ago. So here I am, faced with what to do with this cartoonishly nasty, inept, cowardly guy.
An aha experience arrives.
Finally it hit me. I need to treat the antagonist like a protagonist. After all, he’s the protagonist in his story, right? He believes in what he does, and that he’s doing the right thing. It doesn’t matter, at this moment, that I disagree with him or that the things he will do are evil. What matters is that for him they are the right thing to do, and that his cause is just. We’re all like that, aren’t we? Even when we do something we know is wrong, we do it anyway because, at that moment in our lives, it’s the right thing to do. Think of that last piece of chocolate pie you knew you shouldn’t have eaten. . . .
Bad guys don’t think of themselves as bad guys. They’re the heroes. So a narrative that intimates this person is bad and what he’s doing is nefarious isn’t true to character. And it’s character that makes a novel interesting and convincing.
I’m sure I’ve read advice on thinking about an antagonist in this way, but I never internalized it. Once this epiphany finally hit—and I’m sure that for many of you this is old hat—I started thinking again about how to open the scene that introduced my good/bad guy. The way the narrative delivers what he thinks and does shouldn’t signal that he or his actions are evil because they’re not, to him. And if the reader starts out feeling some empathy for this guy and his goals, then the arc of his story will be bigger and more dramatic.
Also, the smarter and stronger my bad guy is, the stronger the conflict, and the stronger my protagonist will be when he finally wins. Greater conflict! Bigger stakes!
The point is, once I viewed the world from inside his (now smarter) head, even my word choices changed. The way he reacts to people and events in his world changed. From his viewpoint, I was able to see my good guy as a bad guy.
On my blog, Flogging the Quill, I critique the first 16 lines of openings of novels sent to me by writers. Well, my first 16 lines are below, fresh out of my brain cells. This is a very raw first draft and will likely change or could even be discarded. My goal is that the person you’re meeting here doesn’t bellow BAD GUY. I’d appreciate your comments.
Kurt Dengler aimed the Colt .45 automatic at Noah Stone’s face, cocked the hammer, and squeezed the trigger.
On the cover of TIME magazine, beneath the headline “Pied Piper of the West,” Stone smiled up at the Colt’s muzzle. The firing pin clicked on the empty chamber, and there was no hole in the enemy of freedom’s forehead.
So much for wishful thinking.
Kurt used his cell phone to call the number only he, the First Lady, and the Secret Service had. The president’s gravelly voice said, “Hey, Kurt.”
“We need to talk about a problem that needs to go away, Mr. President.”
Leo chuckled. “You’re my chief of staff, why don’t you see if you can work you in?”
Not in the Oval Office, not with all those microphones. “Remember when we were kids, plannin’ to run away?”
“All right. The garden. Now’s good.”
Kurt placed the gun back on a plaque that displayed a Bronze Star medal and a brass plate that read, “Major Jefferson T. Dengler.” His grandfather hadn’t made it home from World War II, but his heroism and his sidearm had. Kurt used his tie to polish away a fingerprint, snatched up the TIME and the new polls, and left his West Wing office for the Rose Garden.
After reading just this, would you turn the page?
And tell me this: does this narrative telegraph antagonist, or could he just as well be a protagonist?
I have to say, it’s great to be able to talk to you guys about this kind of stuff because you understand. And talking about it helps clarify my own thinking. If it helps yours, even better.
For what it’s worth.
Art by thecontextualvillains.
I might say, “Noah Stone’s paper face” to soften the first line a bit.
On the cover of TIME magazine, beneath the headline “Pied Piper of the West,” Stone smiled up at the Colt’s muzzle.
It could just be me, but this seemed a little awkward. Maybe, Stone smiled up at the Colt’s muzzle from his place on the cover of TIME magazine, right below the headline “Pied Piper of the West.”
I like the rest, though take a look at this part:
Not in the Oval Office, not with all those microphones. “Remember when we were kids, plannin’ to run away?”
“All right. The garden. Now’s good.”
Kurt’s interesting–he obviously hates Stone but he’s not doing anything harmful. But why not keep the reader questioning his character a little more in earnest? Instead of talking about the time when he and the president were kids, how about this:
Not in the Oval Office, not with all those microphones. “The garden,” he said. “I could use a walk.”
You can introduce the fact that they were childhood buddies in the next scene, but let the reader worry if this shade-of-grey guy is about to harm the president.
Just my opinion, of course. Or should I say, “For what it’s worth?”
Thanks for the great post, Ray!
Hi all, new to Writer Unboxed and I LOVE this site! Very informative with just the right amount of quirky to keep you coming back…excellent job!
Love the opening, Ray…I would definitely keep turning the pages!
I agree with Therese on the TIME magazine redo…that part was a little confusing to read at first.
My opinion on the reference to their childhood, however, is different. I like the fact that you allude to a past between the two characters, that there is something there besides a working relationship.
I would maybe not have the president say ‘The garden’, just “All right. Now’s good.” This lends a bit of mystery leaving the reader asking “Where are they going?”, thus causing a page turn!
Excellent job! I look forward to reading more from you guys online!
Welcome, Jamie!
I like complicated antagonists too. Kurt could easily swing to an anti-hero. This is really good for a quickie character sketch.
I was also confused by the TIME reference, because the first line makes it seem like he’s actually pointing the gun at Noah Stone. The voice is awesome, though. Very thriller-ish and pitch-perfect.
And welcome Jamie! Hope you enjoy your time with us.
I can tell he’s fastidious, organized, comfortable in his own power, paranoid, jealous, expert at hiding his true feelings, he ‘could’ be capable of betraying a childhood friend, and quite patient, willing to wait until the right moment to achieve his goal. His sentimentality about his father, though, creates sympathy within the reader. A lot of information in 16 lines, Ray!! I might agree with some of the suggested wordsmithing, but in terms of showing a three dimensional character, you ‘hit the target.’ my only other additional suggestion is on the line: ’so much for wishful thinking.’ how about something referring to his ‘visualization exercise’ . And interestingly enough, Kurt could be a protagonist!!
The character Benjamin Linus on Lost is growing to be one of my favorite villains ever, because as you get to know him you realize that he has hopes and dreams and that his machinations against (and sometimes with) the heroes are simply his struggle to achieve those desires.
Where his villainous streak comes in is that he is a very manipulative person through the use of reverse psychology. Through a few words he will send one of the Lost heroes rushing off on a rampage, when in fact that is what he wanted them to do from the very beginning. He will lie and deceive to make this happen, but at core I can’t help but kinda like the guy, at very least, respect him as a villain for his intelligence.
If only we could all write villains that good!
This post came at the perfect time! I’m about to really introduce my antagonist and the advice to make him likable is something I guess I knew, but hadn’t thought of in terms of my writing. Thank you!
I like your excerpt and would definitely keep reading. I agree with the comment that I didn’t realize he was looking at a face on a magazine at first. Otherwise, great stuff!
Melanie, glad to help. To clarify, though–I’m not saying that an antagonist has to be likable. My goal is approachable or, if it’s a word, empathetical. And not two-dimensional like the villains in comic books usually are. Human like me, with dimensions and facets, some of which are likable, some of which are not. Good luck with your writing.
You put it really well: the antagonist should be treated like a protagonist because after all he IS like the protagonist of his own world, believing wholeheartedly on what he does.
As for your interest in genre fiction, I stumbled across this amazing blog and it might not be fiction (it could be though), but it’s so amazing and honest and… wow. I put it as my “website” in this post and you should check it out. The posts are really short and it’s quite captivating.
I stumbled upon the post this morning. Thanks for the insight into bringing the bad guys to life. It made me realize I need to “humanize” my bully. I’ll be putting the tips to use!
I look forward to more posts, so I’m RSS’ing and I’ll add a link to tumblemoose.
Thanks again!