John Hewitt over at Writer’s Resource Center posted one of the most hilarious and truthful rants about writing critique groups that I’ve yet read: 10 Ways to Annoy the Hell out of your Writers Group.

Honestly now. Raise your hand if you’ve ever come to a critique meeting eager to hear useful feedback about your work, but get critique partners who do this instead.

  • Keep other criticisms as vague as possible. Look for statements that sound intelligent but mean nothing. String them together for as long as you can. Sample Rant: You need this story to feel more real. It doesn’t speak to me yet. When I read it, it feels like a story. It’s as if someone wrote it down and expected me to read it and come away with some sort of impression. I shouldn’t have to know so much about the characters in order to get them. They should be a part of the page. The whole thing should function holistically and organically.

    Don’t say anything positive. People only attend a writers’ group to hear criticism, especially your criticism. That’s how you bring value to the group. Take as much time as you need to make sure they know just how badly written their work is. If you’re lucky, you just might get to see the moment when a writer’s spirit is crushed. You can usually catch it in their eyes, so be alert.

    • I’ve experienced many special moments like these over the years. I’m sure you have too.

    That’s not to say I haven’t learned a lot from a critique group. I have. Mostly how to keep from bursting into tears or cackles of derision.

    I guess you can figure out how I feel about critique groups.

    But I also recognize that they are necessary. It’s only through critiquing that you a) see your work through someone else’s eyes (even if you think that someone else is an idiot) and b) learn to grow a thick skin, which is invaluable in this business.

    The Number One thing to be aware of when finding a critique group is to be in one with actual writers. You’re saying “duh”, but you’d be amazed at how many people attend writing groups with the idea that eventually, some day, when there’s enough time after cleaning the toilet and washing the dog, they’ll get around to perhaps thinking about doing some writing. But they really really want to be a writer. When the time is right. That’s why they are there. In your critique group.

    Let me hasten to add that the writers in your group don’t have to be published. However, it’s essential that they have a command of the rules of fiction, read widely, and possess an, ah, appropriate level of sanity. I’ve wasted so much time listening to critiques from people who like to make themselves feel better about their lack of progress by trashing your work, or worse, don’t understand how to make a scene unfold or use proper dialogue techniques or any number of elementary craft basics to bolster the point they are trying to make, which usually revolves around them thinking your writing stinks.

    I can’t say I’ve gotten nothing valuable from critique groups. As much as I dislike them, I’ve made wonderful friendships with writers who DO have a clue, and whose feedback I really needed. To this day I ask them to critique my work, long after the original critique group has disbanded. I treasure these relationships.

    So go, but go with blinders off.

    Sometimes it’s hard to find appropriate people to be part of your critique group, especially if you live in rural areas. Later this week, Gavin Cramblet of Journey of the Scribe will guest post on a solution to that dilemma. Don’t miss it.

    Photo by parallelfate.

    Kathleen Bolton is co-founder of Writer Unboxed. She has written two novels under the pseudonym Cassidy Calloway: Confessions of a First Daughter, and Secrets of a First Daughter--both books in a YA series about the misadventures of the U.S. President's teen-aged daughter, published by HarperCollins.
    Kathleen Bolton
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