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	<title>Comments on: What Happens to an Unboxed Query?</title>
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	<link>http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/</link>
	<description>about the craft and business of fiction</description>
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		<title>By: thea mcginnis</title>
		<link>http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61821</link>
		<dc:creator>thea mcginnis</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 23 Feb 2008 05:11:22 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61821</guid>
		<description>i will read your book - will download when i get home since i&#039;m out of town using another computer.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>i will read your book &#8211; will download when i get home since i&#8217;m out of town using another computer.</p>
<p>Like? <img style="padding: 0px; border: none; cursor: pointer;" onmouseover="this.width=this.width*1.3" onmouseout="this.width=this.width/1.2" id="up-61821" src="http://writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/images/1_14_up.png" alt="Thumb up" onclick="javascript:ckratingKarma('61821', 'add', 'writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/', '1_14_');" title="Thumb up" /> <span id="karma-61821-up" style="font-size:12px; color:#009933;">0</span></p>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>By: Ray Rhamey</title>
		<link>http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61781</link>
		<dc:creator>Ray Rhamey</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Feb 2008 23:29:07 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61781</guid>
		<description>Thea, you raise an interesting point. In the query letter, I do talk about &quot;problems with lethal firearms,&quot; and I mention the terrible shootings in Illinois, so one might assume that I&#039;m against them. But I don&#039;t specifically say so.

But it&#039;s not that simple, in life or in my book. To get lethal weapons out of our lives, which I&#039;m for, we still have to deal with the millions of people who believe in a right to bear arms for defense and sport. And I see a clear need for self-defense against attackers, rapists, etc., especially for women.

Well, my book deals with all of the aspects of the problem, including carrying personal weapons for self-defense. Hey, read the book and tell me what you think.

Thanks again.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Thea, you raise an interesting point. In the query letter, I do talk about &#8220;problems with lethal firearms,&#8221; and I mention the terrible shootings in Illinois, so one might assume that I&#8217;m against them. But I don&#8217;t specifically say so.</p>
<p>But it&#8217;s not that simple, in life or in my book. To get lethal weapons out of our lives, which I&#8217;m for, we still have to deal with the millions of people who believe in a right to bear arms for defense and sport. And I see a clear need for self-defense against attackers, rapists, etc., especially for women.</p>
<p>Well, my book deals with all of the aspects of the problem, including carrying personal weapons for self-defense. Hey, read the book and tell me what you think.</p>
<p>Thanks again.</p>
<p>Like? <img style="padding: 0px; border: none; cursor: pointer;" onmouseover="this.width=this.width*1.3" onmouseout="this.width=this.width/1.2" id="up-61781" src="http://writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/images/1_14_up.png" alt="Thumb up" onclick="javascript:ckratingKarma('61781', 'add', 'writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/', '1_14_');" title="Thumb up" /> <span id="karma-61781-up" style="font-size:12px; color:#009933;">0</span></p>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>By: thea mcginnis</title>
		<link>http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61775</link>
		<dc:creator>thea mcginnis</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Feb 2008 22:46:42 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61775</guid>
		<description>ray, without downloading your book, i&#039;m not really sure if you are for or against carrying personal weapons.  and i think that might be what is missing from your query letter.  human nature being what it is, most people are lazy and unless they have a personal interest, won&#039;t bite.  so tell them right up front where you stand and why they&#039;d want to be with you on this deal.  also, you might want to consider enlisting the aid of a big name, like tom clancy or stephen king (their writing has a lot of voice when it comes to weapons and violence) - getting that kind of support would really help your cause, especially since it is not commercially inspired.  anyway, i like what you are trying to accomplish so go for it.  and if you&#039;re going for it, go big.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>ray, without downloading your book, i&#8217;m not really sure if you are for or against carrying personal weapons.  and i think that might be what is missing from your query letter.  human nature being what it is, most people are lazy and unless they have a personal interest, won&#8217;t bite.  so tell them right up front where you stand and why they&#8217;d want to be with you on this deal.  also, you might want to consider enlisting the aid of a big name, like tom clancy or stephen king (their writing has a lot of voice when it comes to weapons and violence) &#8211; getting that kind of support would really help your cause, especially since it is not commercially inspired.  anyway, i like what you are trying to accomplish so go for it.  and if you&#8217;re going for it, go big.</p>
<p>Like? <img style="padding: 0px; border: none; cursor: pointer;" onmouseover="this.width=this.width*1.3" onmouseout="this.width=this.width/1.2" id="up-61775" src="http://writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/images/1_14_up.png" alt="Thumb up" onclick="javascript:ckratingKarma('61775', 'add', 'writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/', '1_14_');" title="Thumb up" /> <span id="karma-61775-up" style="font-size:12px; color:#009933;">0</span></p>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>By: Colleen Lindsay</title>
		<link>http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61743</link>
		<dc:creator>Colleen Lindsay</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Feb 2008 19:22:34 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61743</guid>
		<description>Hey there, Ray -

I&#039;ll take a look at your query and the first fifty pages if you want to submit to me as a Word doc to to the email above.

Best,

Colleen</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Hey there, Ray -</p>
<p>I&#8217;ll take a look at your query and the first fifty pages if you want to submit to me as a Word doc to to the email above.</p>
<p>Best,</p>
<p>Colleen</p>
<p>Like? <img style="padding: 0px; border: none; cursor: pointer;" onmouseover="this.width=this.width*1.3" onmouseout="this.width=this.width/1.2" id="up-61743" src="http://writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/images/1_14_up.png" alt="Thumb up" onclick="javascript:ckratingKarma('61743', 'add', 'writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/', '1_14_');" title="Thumb up" /> <span id="karma-61743-up" style="font-size:12px; color:#009933;">0</span></p>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>By: Ray Rhamey</title>
		<link>http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61626</link>
		<dc:creator>Ray Rhamey</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Feb 2008 04:43:36 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61626</guid>
		<description>Suzanne, thanks for your thought. Ordinarily, I&#039;d agree with you--you would approve of the previous query letters for this book. 

But there are a couple of factors that I think make this a better approach than the traditional.

1. I had some kind of relationship with these agents, some more than others. Several had read a couple of examples of my work and, based on the strengths they saw, have been open to dialogue now and then. One has even recommended me to three other agents. 

2. Actually, the query is self-screening--I don&#039;t want an agent to ask for the manuscript for customary reasons because I don&#039;t think that the story side of it will be perceived as sufficiently commercial. I want an agent who is interested in a work of fiction that has a different level of depth, and who have sympathy with the cause.

I don&#039;t need to hire an agent, I need to *enlist* one.

Hey, one agent did ask for it, and the others won&#039;t be wasting my postage or their time. I have a chance, and that&#039;s what the letter was supposed to get me.

Best, Ray</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Suzanne, thanks for your thought. Ordinarily, I&#8217;d agree with you&#8211;you would approve of the previous query letters for this book. </p>
<p>But there are a couple of factors that I think make this a better approach than the traditional.</p>
<p>1. I had some kind of relationship with these agents, some more than others. Several had read a couple of examples of my work and, based on the strengths they saw, have been open to dialogue now and then. One has even recommended me to three other agents. </p>
<p>2. Actually, the query is self-screening&#8211;I don&#8217;t want an agent to ask for the manuscript for customary reasons because I don&#8217;t think that the story side of it will be perceived as sufficiently commercial. I want an agent who is interested in a work of fiction that has a different level of depth, and who have sympathy with the cause.</p>
<p>I don&#8217;t need to hire an agent, I need to *enlist* one.</p>
<p>Hey, one agent did ask for it, and the others won&#8217;t be wasting my postage or their time. I have a chance, and that&#8217;s what the letter was supposed to get me.</p>
<p>Best, Ray</p>
<p>Like? <img style="padding: 0px; border: none; cursor: pointer;" onmouseover="this.width=this.width*1.3" onmouseout="this.width=this.width/1.2" id="up-61626" src="http://writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/images/1_14_up.png" alt="Thumb up" onclick="javascript:ckratingKarma('61626', 'add', 'writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/', '1_14_');" title="Thumb up" /> <span id="karma-61626-up" style="font-size:12px; color:#009933;">0</span></p>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>By: Suzanne</title>
		<link>http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61615</link>
		<dc:creator>Suzanne</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Feb 2008 03:46:22 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61615</guid>
		<description>sorry, my last comment included an URL that no longer links to my blog....this one works.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>sorry, my last comment included an URL that no longer links to my blog&#8230;.this one works.</p>
<p>Like? <img style="padding: 0px; border: none; cursor: pointer;" onmouseover="this.width=this.width*1.3" onmouseout="this.width=this.width/1.2" id="up-61615" src="http://writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/images/1_14_up.png" alt="Thumb up" onclick="javascript:ckratingKarma('61615', 'add', 'writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/', '1_14_');" title="Thumb up" /> <span id="karma-61615-up" style="font-size:12px; color:#009933;">0</span></p>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>By: Suzanne</title>
		<link>http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61614</link>
		<dc:creator>Suzanne</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Feb 2008 03:44:22 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61614</guid>
		<description>Ray, 

I applaud your passion for your book and its message. I also appreciate your desire to give it away, and I&#039;m sure you have, or are, exploring venues to getting the book out there.

Your query letter, however, needs to be tightened up. It reads like a protracted advertisement rather than a pitch. 

Assuming that a query will get all of 30 seconds viewing, I suggest you try stating the premise or message of the book in the first paragraph, perhaps as bullet points or in the form of an open ended question. 

Either way, give the agents a reason to ask for the manuscript.

Thank you for sharing your efforts to get this book published, 

-suzanne.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Ray, </p>
<p>I applaud your passion for your book and its message. I also appreciate your desire to give it away, and I&#8217;m sure you have, or are, exploring venues to getting the book out there.</p>
<p>Your query letter, however, needs to be tightened up. It reads like a protracted advertisement rather than a pitch. </p>
<p>Assuming that a query will get all of 30 seconds viewing, I suggest you try stating the premise or message of the book in the first paragraph, perhaps as bullet points or in the form of an open ended question. </p>
<p>Either way, give the agents a reason to ask for the manuscript.</p>
<p>Thank you for sharing your efforts to get this book published, </p>
<p>-suzanne.</p>
<p>Like? <img style="padding: 0px; border: none; cursor: pointer;" onmouseover="this.width=this.width*1.3" onmouseout="this.width=this.width/1.2" id="up-61614" src="http://writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/images/1_14_up.png" alt="Thumb up" onclick="javascript:ckratingKarma('61614', 'add', 'writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/', '1_14_');" title="Thumb up" /> <span id="karma-61614-up" style="font-size:12px; color:#009933;">0</span></p>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>By: Ray Rhamey</title>
		<link>http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61571</link>
		<dc:creator>Ray Rhamey</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 21 Feb 2008 23:31:15 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61571</guid>
		<description>Dave,

I have not lightly entered into this enterprise. I&#039;ve been working on this project for over 8 years.

Careful thought was given to the other kinds of outlets that you suggest. Without reading the book that you have prejudged, you might not understand that such an approach, in my view, will not get the job done. While you may think that other media would be better suited than a book, unless you have some knowledge of the scope and nature of what I propose, you have no way to understand how inadequate media other than a book are.

Ideas just put out there in a nonfiction way are intellectual in nature, abstract. My feeling is that what I propose needs to also be &quot;felt&quot; in order to be thought about in a truly understanding, comprehensive way.

So I wrote a novel and wove the ideas in so that people can try them on for size. The book deals with other social ills than guns. It&#039;s not a simple-minded, in-your-face, didactic diatribe. And the novel is a good, solid suspense read without paying attention to the ideas.

It&#039;s unfortunate that your particular filters caused you to react in such a way. As for the agents, I only contacted those who &quot;know&quot; me to some extent. Eleven of them. I did not flood 100 agents with a sensational, can&#039;t-you-see-how-important-this-is approach.

You assume a diatribe, not a dialogue. You are wrong. If you want dialogue, you might have tried having one with me before posting your accusations and assumptions. You might have downloaded the PDF of the novel and read a few pages. You might have emailed me with your thoughts.

Many, many, many writers have written to me to thank me for the contributions I make to their work on Flogging the Quill (which you will no longer be reading). I do not charge for this. (Interestingly, since I added a donate button about a month ago, generous writers have given almost $300.) I contribute to their professional development in my own modest way.

I cannot see why someone who does that should automatically be seen to be exploiting an issue with a diatribe. If you&#039;ve read my blog to any degree, I don&#039;t think you&#039;ll see a hint of that kind of personality.

Here&#039;s a thought to leave you with: you get what you give.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Dave,</p>
<p>I have not lightly entered into this enterprise. I&#8217;ve been working on this project for over 8 years.</p>
<p>Careful thought was given to the other kinds of outlets that you suggest. Without reading the book that you have prejudged, you might not understand that such an approach, in my view, will not get the job done. While you may think that other media would be better suited than a book, unless you have some knowledge of the scope and nature of what I propose, you have no way to understand how inadequate media other than a book are.</p>
<p>Ideas just put out there in a nonfiction way are intellectual in nature, abstract. My feeling is that what I propose needs to also be &#8220;felt&#8221; in order to be thought about in a truly understanding, comprehensive way.</p>
<p>So I wrote a novel and wove the ideas in so that people can try them on for size. The book deals with other social ills than guns. It&#8217;s not a simple-minded, in-your-face, didactic diatribe. And the novel is a good, solid suspense read without paying attention to the ideas.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s unfortunate that your particular filters caused you to react in such a way. As for the agents, I only contacted those who &#8220;know&#8221; me to some extent. Eleven of them. I did not flood 100 agents with a sensational, can&#8217;t-you-see-how-important-this-is approach.</p>
<p>You assume a diatribe, not a dialogue. You are wrong. If you want dialogue, you might have tried having one with me before posting your accusations and assumptions. You might have downloaded the PDF of the novel and read a few pages. You might have emailed me with your thoughts.</p>
<p>Many, many, many writers have written to me to thank me for the contributions I make to their work on Flogging the Quill (which you will no longer be reading). I do not charge for this. (Interestingly, since I added a donate button about a month ago, generous writers have given almost $300.) I contribute to their professional development in my own modest way.</p>
<p>I cannot see why someone who does that should automatically be seen to be exploiting an issue with a diatribe. If you&#8217;ve read my blog to any degree, I don&#8217;t think you&#8217;ll see a hint of that kind of personality.</p>
<p>Here&#8217;s a thought to leave you with: you get what you give.</p>
<p>Like? <img style="padding: 0px; border: none; cursor: pointer;" onmouseover="this.width=this.width*1.3" onmouseout="this.width=this.width/1.2" id="up-61571" src="http://writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/images/1_14_up.png" alt="Thumb up" onclick="javascript:ckratingKarma('61571', 'add', 'writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/', '1_14_');" title="Thumb up" /> <span id="karma-61571-up" style="font-size:12px; color:#009933;">0</span></p>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>By: Dave</title>
		<link>http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61563</link>
		<dc:creator>Dave</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 21 Feb 2008 22:46:52 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61563</guid>
		<description>Ray, 

First, I thought comments were moderated.
Second, I appologize. I didn&#039;t mean to say you were sensationalizing. Obviously, I should have edited more.

My first point was that you shouldn&#039;t be a surprise that you might deter agents because of the perception of sensationalizing and the can&#039;t-you-see-how-important-this-is approach.

My second point was that if it was really important to you, then other media would probably be better suited to getting your view known than a book.

Anyway, sorry. I wasn&#039;t lurking. But the manner in which you are pushing you book out sends up red flags for me. It causes me to assume a diatribe not a dialogue (however biased that assumption might be).</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Ray, </p>
<p>First, I thought comments were moderated.<br />
Second, I appologize. I didn&#8217;t mean to say you were sensationalizing. Obviously, I should have edited more.</p>
<p>My first point was that you shouldn&#8217;t be a surprise that you might deter agents because of the perception of sensationalizing and the can&#8217;t-you-see-how-important-this-is approach.</p>
<p>My second point was that if it was really important to you, then other media would probably be better suited to getting your view known than a book.</p>
<p>Anyway, sorry. I wasn&#8217;t lurking. But the manner in which you are pushing you book out sends up red flags for me. It causes me to assume a diatribe not a dialogue (however biased that assumption might be).</p>
<p>Like? <img style="padding: 0px; border: none; cursor: pointer;" onmouseover="this.width=this.width*1.3" onmouseout="this.width=this.width/1.2" id="up-61563" src="http://writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/images/1_14_up.png" alt="Thumb up" onclick="javascript:ckratingKarma('61563', 'add', 'writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/', '1_14_');" title="Thumb up" /> <span id="karma-61563-up" style="font-size:12px; color:#009933;">0</span></p>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>By: Cath</title>
		<link>http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61541</link>
		<dc:creator>Cath</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 21 Feb 2008 19:39:18 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://writerunboxed.com/2008/02/21/what-happens-to-an-unboxed-query/#comment-61541</guid>
		<description>Hey Ray,
Did you ever see a Carol Burnett bit (yes, Carol Burnett, give it a chance) set in the future, somewhere, U.S.A. and everyone, I mean EVERYONE had guns? So just going to the store to buy a loaf a bread had Carol arming herself to the teeth.
 
I&#039;ve thought about that skit often in light of recent events. Especially since I have two college kids and one to soon join their ranks. Heck yeah, it&#039;s an important issue and I applaud your efforts to get your book and discussion of the escalating gun violence phenomenon out there. So get yourself and your book on Facebook and network like crazy. Maybe try the Amazon Shorts program? Good luck.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Hey Ray,<br />
Did you ever see a Carol Burnett bit (yes, Carol Burnett, give it a chance) set in the future, somewhere, U.S.A. and everyone, I mean EVERYONE had guns? So just going to the store to buy a loaf a bread had Carol arming herself to the teeth.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve thought about that skit often in light of recent events. Especially since I have two college kids and one to soon join their ranks. Heck yeah, it&#8217;s an important issue and I applaud your efforts to get your book and discussion of the escalating gun violence phenomenon out there. So get yourself and your book on Facebook and network like crazy. Maybe try the Amazon Shorts program? Good luck.</p>
<p>Like? <img style="padding: 0px; border: none; cursor: pointer;" onmouseover="this.width=this.width*1.3" onmouseout="this.width=this.width/1.2" id="up-61541" src="http://writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/images/1_14_up.png" alt="Thumb up" onclick="javascript:ckratingKarma('61541', 'add', 'writerunboxed.com/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/', '1_14_');" title="Thumb up" /> <span id="karma-61541-up" style="font-size:12px; color:#009933;">0</span></p>]]></content:encoded>
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