The Horror of Love Words
Therese Walsh on Feb 05 2008 | Filed under: Movie Talk
“A bird may love a fish, signore, but where will they live?” -from the movie Ever After
I was unsure what to write about this week until I stumbled upon a fun article titled “15 Nominees for Worst Movie Dialogue Ever.” You know I had to read it. Sure, I cringed remembering some of the lines. Amidala pleading with Anakin, “Hold me, like you did by the lake on Naboo” just plain hurts (from Star Wars, Episode III). And I, a former Twin Peaks addict, must’ve un-remembered Laura Palmer comparing her broken relationship with James to turkey and corn. Gobble gobble.
But what really struck me was that 13 out of the 15 movie quotes deemed to be the worst were either from romantic comedies or romantic dramas, or were from romantic moments in films of other genres. Were the editors at Entertainment Weekly anti-romance or were they onto something?
Things got interesting over at EW’s PopWatch Blog, where readers were invited to vent and/or add their own worst lines to the stew of dismal dialog. At least two kazillion people said Patrick Swayze’s “Nobody puts baby in the corner” line from Dirty Dancing deserves a lifetime in the corner. (Romantic drama)
Some quoted from movies I’ve never seen before. This from A Walk to Remember (Romantic drama): “Jamie saved my life. She taught me everything. About life, hope and the long journey ahead. I’ll always miss her. But our love is like the wind. I can’t see it, but I can feel it.”
I also like this reader’s comment: “The worst movie line is from the Chronicles of Riddick, when Vin Diesel says, ‘It’s been a long time since I smelled beautiful.’ I can’t decide if he is talking about the woman or himself.”
Clarification. So important.
I didn’t agree with everything the bloggers wrote, though. Someone had the audacity to nominate a line from Princess Bride. Wesley to Buttercup: “This is true love. Do you think this happens every day?” Sorry, that movie is gold in my eyes: from Inigo Montoya’s “I want my father back, you son of a bitch” to Wesley’s “Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while” to Vizzini’s “INCONCEIVABLE!” All gold.
Another blogger pointed to The Empire Strikes Back for her most-hated line: “When Princess Lea (Carrie Fisher) says to Han Solo (Harrison Ford) just before he’s going into the deep freeze at the hands of Jabba the Hut ‘I love you.’ And Han Solo says, ‘I know.’ What a total jerk!”
Maybe I disagree with her because I know the backstory. Apparently Lucas had written the original line as “I love you, too,” and Harrison Ford said his guy wouldn’t get all sappy, even if he does love her, then offered something he thought Han would truly say: “I know.” Frankly, I think that’s probably the best line in any of the Star Wars films.
Though blog readers proved there are shlocky phrases aplenty in movies across the board (“In America, it’s all bling-bling – but out here it’s bling-bang.” -from Blood Diamond), I think it’s clear writers have trouble creating romantic lines that work for a large audience. So what’s the deal? Why can those endearing little phrases, meant to be so good, be so bad? And is there anything we can do to elevate them in our own writing?
I have a few thoughts. If you’re writing escapist fiction (or a romantic comedy screenplay) maybe you can get away with idealized phrases that many will see as cheesy because it’s what the audience expects or even wants. But if you’re aspiring to write the next great dramatic novel or screenplay you’ll have to follow a different set of rules and strive for authenticity. We’ve probably all felt the spin-sick feeling of being in love, but how to capture that in a phrase so that others connect with it? Says the Queen in one of film history’s heavy-weight love stories, Shakespeare in Love, “…playwrights teach nothing about love, they make it pretty, they make it comical, or they make it lust. They cannot make it true.”
Is this the problem, that we have a hard time making it true? What about making it unilaterally true across the map? It just got harder, didn’t it?
Maybe the key is to write those love words as true as you can for you and hope you’re tapping into something universal. It worked for Shakespeare. At least in the movies.
What do you all think? Why do romantic phrases often sound so…bad? Which movie lines make you cringe (in any genre) and which do you look forward to hearing again and again?
Want to check out some lines thought to be the best? Check the list out HERE. Hasta la vista, baby.
Kathleen Bolton
Therese Walsh
Ann Aguirre
Porter Anderson
Brunonia Barry
Carleen Brice
Sarah Callender
Keith Cronin
Anna Elliott
Jane Friedman
Robin LaFevers
Donald Maass
Juliet Marillier
Sophie Masson
Jael McHenry
Jan O'Hara
Debbie Ohi
Barbara O'Neal
Crystal Patriarche
Ray Rhamey
M.J. Rose
Chuck Sambuchino
John Vorhaus
Yuvi Zalkow
Sharon Bially
Anne Greenwood Brown
Tracy Hahn-Burkett
Suzannah Windsor Freeman
Kristan Hoffman
Jeanne Kisacky
Erika Robuck
Lydia Sharp
Allison on 
Frank on 
My prize for worst line in a movie: “Legolas, what do your elf-eyes see?” Aragorn to Legolas in the Two Towers. The whole theatre groaned.
Honestly, I don’t know why romantic lines are so groan-worthy. Maybe because it’s hard to come up with something pithy in a fresh way, and so its the cliche that ends up being used.
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My theory would be that love is too damn complicated to encompass in a few lines. We try and break it down and end up with the frothing and bubbling philosophies like those in A Walk to Remember. Trying to make it too simple make your characters sound like idiots (“I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy…”).
To make it more difficult, love is the eternal theme, it comes up in nearly every story in history. We’re all looking for a fresh angle, and then there are turkeys and corn involved.
However, I recently saw The Prestige and they got an angle masterfully. Two of the characters who are married have a fight in which Christian Bale’s character says, “It’ll all be alright. Because I love you.” His wife looks into his eyes and says, “No, you don’t mean it today. Some days you do and some days you don’t and I like to be able to tell the difference.” True for love universally? No. True for this couple’s turbulent relationship? Definitely. Perhaps the key is in capturing the truth of the individuals (For instance, I agreed with the Han Solo example above).
PS – My second-favorite Legolas line is from Return of the King. “A diversion!” It’s a good thing you’re pretty, honey.
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Interesting. Some of those lines were howlers but some I didn’t think so bad. The line from PRETTY WOMAN probably worked well for most of the target audience. I doubt there is any sort of romantic dialogue that will work for a viewer or reader who is not in the right mindset.
Anyway, one choice that puzzled me was the line from DIRTY DANCING. Yes, it was cringe-worthy and embarrassing. But I thought that was the point. It was the sort of thing a young girl who is out of her element but trying to fit in might blurt out and instantly regret.
Not all characters are going to be clever and witty all the time. Which goes back to your point about Shakespeare and truth.
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I think romantic lines are so hard to write because romance is so subjective. It’s hard to make a line authentic to every single member of an audience. I’ll bet even Shakespeare had his “dialogue” critics back in the day. But anyone who doesn’t recognize the brilliance of “The Princess Bride”…well, all I can say is “INCONCEIVABLE!”
Oh, and “Love means never having to say your sorry,” was crap 30 years ago. And it’s still stinkin’ up the joint. But that’s just my subjective opinion.
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It’s so much easier to write action dialogue than something romantic. My solution has been to have my wife act as first reader. I find that her edits seem to hit the mark much more often than mine.
As for movie dialogue–since my idea of an ideal movie is “Blues Brothers,” I’ll disqualify myself from voting.
Thanks, Teri, for the post.
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I vote in favor of your assumption that EW writers are anti-romance. As so many people profess to be. Something that’s always defied my comprehension. Isn’t romance the biggest seller in the publishing world? Yet fans describe it as guilty pleasures, fluff, cheese, dime-store books, etc. Men never admit to enjoying a romantic comedy. They call them chick-flicks, and only a chick could have made them watch it.
Yet most of the men I’ve known are very romantic. Even more so than women, it seems. They bring the flowers, and buy the sweet cards, and take their lady out for romantic dinners and on romantic vacations. It’s very possible that they use romance as a prelude to sex, but even so, why would they scoff at romance novels and movies?
Love is universal. Most people want romantic love from puberty. It’s justifiably in almost every story ever told. So why is it treated like a nasty word?
That said, I do have a favorite “groan” moment. It’s in The Sound of Music when Gaylord tells Maria that he loves her and she breaks into song.
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I absolutely cannot believe that EW did not include any lines from Twister. That movie, for me, is like a train wreck in terms of dialogue (equally as hard to not watch as well; my husband teases me incessantly about this). My favorite is when Bill Paxton’s fiance says to him, “When you used to tell me that you chase tornados, deep down I thought it was just a metaphor.”
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