Writer Unboxed

So who is it? After tallying and taking out duplicate IP address entries, we’ve verified that the winning entry is…

PYTHONG: a really tight thong usually worn by a man

CONGRATULATIONS to WRITING NAG! We’ll get in touch with you later today to get your addy so we can get these books off to you ASAP.

Here’s how the rest of the votes panned out:

First runner-up: Schizofriendic
Second runner-up: Dreamacidal
Third runner-up (tie): Premature E-Queriation AND Vocal Point
Fourth runner-up: Tangified
Fifth runner-up: Appause
Sixth runner-up (tie): Fretiting AND Philanthrantasy
Seventh runner-up: Curbudgeon

Congrats to all the runners-up, and thanks to everyone who contributed an entry. There are some true gems in the mix, and you all can check them out in the comments section of the original post HERE.

Some of our favorites that didn’t make the cut–but get honorable mentions now–include:

* Absolete: describes abdominals that are just so far away from being flat that it’s no use investing “crunch” energy in them anymore

* Arrogismatic: arrogantly roguish features
He wasn’t just charismatic, he was arrogismatic.

* Barnicide: the crime a parent is tempted to commit after being over-exposed to a certain manic purple dinosaur
After hearing the dinosaur toy hop around the house all day yelling ‘Super-dee-duper!’ Andrea ripped out the batteries, effectively committing Barnicide.

* Decafargic: the low energy level achieved through lack of caffeine
Thanks to her doctor’s recommendations she finds herself feeling decafargic by noon.

* Diet Joke: humor without a punchline

* Gutteratti: the opposite of the glitteratti. A person may look like a glitteratti but act more like a gutteratti, ergo, identifying all traits of a true gutteratti is a work in progress.

* Hooker: opening line of a query soliciting an agent

* Lattemaximus: equivalent to 3 venti lattes
Can I please have a non-fat, vanilla lattemaximus, please? Today is going to be a lattemaximus day.

* Masqueriade: a query pretending to represent a good manuscript

* Mentablog: all of the things you “menta” blog (and have been carrying around in your head), but just never got a round tuit

* Merloti: the passages you write while in a drunken stupor on Friday or Saturday nights, and also Tuesday mornings

* Nappuccino: a high quality afternoon doze

* Optirectalisis: the affliction of the Optic Nerve crossed with the Rectum. It is a medical phenomenon that exists in pessimistic individuals that have a shitty outlook on life. :>)
With such Optirectalisis he will never see the glass as half full.

* Pommilate: a French root meaning to throw apples at

* Recyfling : attempting to rekindle an old flame
Recyfling is good for the single person’s environment, but it can really hurt the marital environment.

* Schadenfrienda: an acquaintance whose only joy in life is talking about how miserable they are

* Snarkolepcy: sudden attacks of biting humor whenever writing reviews - usually brought on by poor quality work

* Spailure: the grade you received on your essay because you forgot that: Ewe canned trussed yore spiel chocker.

* Spec fic: books with really really small print that force the reader to wear spectacles

* Stepininit: the act of saying precisely the wrong thing, at the wrong time, to the wrong person

* Tartifical: describes a woman under forty who has had too much plastic surgery

* Thesaurusania: compulsive searching for the perfect word

* Ubduk: monster that abducts your muse, leaving you with writer’s block

* Viewd: any feud covered by the media that was started by a regular castmember on “The View”

* Weblag: fatigue, irritability, and other mental and physical symptoms resulting from web surfing with a dial-up connection
By the time my research was done, I had a monster case of weblag.

* Wordinate: the process of forcing yourself to write even though you know every word is excrement

A huge thanks goes out to Alice Pope and the Writer’s Digest staff for generously providing these books for the contest. You guys rock. And CONGRATS again to Writing Nag! We’ll want to hear about how you used your new market guides to get published, so stay in touch.

Write on, all!