Pity Party of One, please
November 22nd, 2006 by Kathleen Bolton
These are the times that try men’s souls.
I’m about 20,000 words off my NaNo goal. I haven’t had another encouraging letter from Chris Baty land in my Hotmail. I hate my story. Therese has gone to Disney World. I have to overcook a turkey on Thursday. I hate my story. With the fire of a thousand suns.
It’s November 22, and I’ve barely cracked the 20,000 word barrier toward a goal of 50,000, and the realization has sunk in that even if I sat myself in front of my computer every spare minute of the next 10 days, I won’t make it. Now I realize what a herculean task the whole thing was in the first place, an exercise in hubris, flogging your muse toward a finish line that seems farther away every day (I’ll dispense with the classical references here on out).
So here I am, feeling as dry as a two-month orange, and about as pleasant to be around, when I decided to “sniff the broccoli” and blog surf. I hit MJ Rose’s Backstory, a blog that tells the story behind the story.
Sometimes nothing alleviates suffering like hearing about other people’s suffering.
Seriously, it was uplifting reading about how other writers stumbled over their stories. A fair few got their ideas while driving. Some while talking to a relative. Still others who’d had an idea rumbling around their heads for 20 years and one day decided to write it down.
Then I realized what a miracle it was to have a brain wired for storytelling. To have a creative force that whispers words in there that no one else will hear. In short, a 30,000 word goal in less than 10 days is a good problem to have. Lots of folks have bigger problems than these, and I’m thankful that this is mine and not something more horrible.
My pity party is done now.
Gobble gobble.
Kathleen, I’m in the same boat. Don’t feel bad. I didn’t flesh out my characters enought to complete some of my scenes. I really need to go back and invest more time drumming up material about my characters. That’s what it comes down to; More time.
And if that’s what it takes, that’s what it takes. The bright side is that NaNo showed me where my characters were weak. If I had just putzed along at my normal pace, it might have taken me a year to realize what NaNo forced me to see in a few weeks.
So one way to look at it might be… NaNo helped you to realize that you hate your story. Better to spend a few weeks making that realization than years!
Virtual hugs, Kathleen!
Maybe now you just have to figure out why you hate it?
The thing that has (rather miraculously) worked for me so far is that I have told myself NOT to take my NaNo story seriously. My muse cooperates so much better sans pressure. Your mileage may vary, of course.
Now I just have to get away from the family circus so I can get back to work again. (whine, whine)
Thanks, guys. I hate my story right now because it seems vapid, confused, stilted….I could go on. But you’re right, Eric, at least I’ve only invested three weeks into it instead of a year!
Maybe I’ll feel differently about it after NaNo.
Hang in, Elena. The Turkey Trot’s almost over.
Hi Kathleen - I feel your pain! There’s no way I’ll finish NaNo now, either, and my story is SO bad, I’m not sure I want to spend another week working on it. (I just started another that I like much better - I’d rather write like crazy on that one than waste time and energy on one that has too much going against it.)
By the way, just stumbled onto your blog via another blog, and am glad I did. Good job!