Comments on: Depend No More http://writerunboxed.com/2006/02/20/depend-no-more/ about the craft and business of fiction Wed, 16 May 2012 21:39:27 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Therese Walsh http://writerunboxed.com/2006/02/20/depend-no-more/#comment-469 Therese Walsh Tue, 21 Feb 2006 16:40:00 +0000 http://writerunboxed.com/2006/02/20/depend-no-more/#comment-469 I agree with you, Elena. "Anikin saw nothing save an image of his dead wife and child as he stared into the emperor's cold-bright eyes..." Star Wars III on the brain. Sorry. I agree with you, Elena.

“Anikin saw nothing save an image of his dead wife and child as he stared into the emperor’s cold-bright eyes…”

Star Wars III on the brain. Sorry.

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]]> By: Elena Greene http://writerunboxed.com/2006/02/20/depend-no-more/#comment-468 Elena Greene Mon, 20 Feb 2006 21:01:00 +0000 http://writerunboxed.com/2006/02/20/depend-no-more/#comment-468 Hmmm... I'm probably (no, make that definitely) guilty of some of these crimes. Motives pure, of course--to vary sentence structure. Glad my CPs catch me when I overdo it! :) Though some of your examples make me feel better. The first, “Grabbing the ice pick, she plunged it into the vampire.” is incorrect because it doesn't give a proper sequence. I think she'd have to grab the ice pick BEFORE plunging into the bloodsucker. To me, it would be a valid use of "as" if the events really were simultaneous and it was important to show that. What do you think? Elena Hmmm… I’m probably (no, make that definitely) guilty of some of these crimes. Motives pure, of course–to vary sentence structure. Glad my CPs catch me when I overdo it! :)

Though some of your examples make me feel better.

The first, “Grabbing the ice pick, she plunged it into the vampire.” is incorrect because it doesn’t give a proper sequence. I think she’d have to grab the ice pick BEFORE plunging into the bloodsucker.

To me, it would be a valid use of “as” if the events really were simultaneous and it was important to show that. What do you think?

Elena

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